Chains, Flames and Automobiles: Part III The Conclusion

During the change over from Gojira to In Flames, the crowd started to chant in anticipation. For as bad of a rap that In Flames has gotten recently, the concert goers didn't seem to pay much mind. When I turned to look at R, there was a guy standing next to her. I had noticed him during the Gojira set; he looked young and looked like he was right up against her. I only recalled him as he had joined in our conversation about the guitar that was being used during Gojira's set.

My son was looking forward to seeing a band that he has played many times on Guitar Hero III. Tired during the change over, he sat on the stoop by the rails and rested his head for a few minutes. I took the Momma Bear stance and stood over him protecting him in case anyone tried to fly into that spot at the last minute.

R was in the mood for a drink, but didn't get her wrist band. Our friend Jacques from Belgium offered to get her a drink with his wrist band. He asked if I wanted one as well. When I have my son with me and I am driving, I refuse to drink. But the thought of a beer toyed in my head. I weighed my options and declined. He asked if Joey Sky wanted anything to drink, and my son declined as well.

A few minutes later, he returned and handed R her drink. I could smell the Jack Daniels from where I was and was glad I had declined anything. She sipped on her drink as the 3 of us chatted. After finishing his coke, our friend excused himself for a smoke.

R and I talked about what a cool guy he was, "And he smells sooo good!" she commented. I had to agree. He held our spots, gave us insider information and even got us drinks (or offered to in the least). When we turned back to the stage in anticipation, our friend approached from the back of the venue. "How is it that they don't allow smoking in here, but they won't let people out to have one? That's bullshit..." R and I agreed and mentioned we had just been talking about the lack of control on the underage drinking at that venue.

You see, most show I go to have a separate area for those 21 and over. And you can't bring drinks in or out of that area. Our friend agreed that that was odd as well.

The dimming lights and the noise of the people packed into the venue interrupted our conversation. I turned around to see In Flames coming out on stage. The crowd went wild... Hands were thrown in the air and started clapping in unison. Joey Sky remained seated, which I thought was a little sad.

I watched as Anders Fridén took the stage. He is the former singer of Dark Tranquillity. (Who is another band that performs flawlessly live, even if I did see them with Mikael Stanne. How I ended up calling Mikael on the phone is a story for a different day.) In Flames performed wonderfully live. I could hear Jacques behind me singing word for word. Since he was on key I didn't mind.

A few songs in Joey Sky stood up and starting throwing the horns. Between throwing the horns and banging his head, he asked, "Can we go home now?" I knew he was tired and could tell he was coming down with a cold. I wanted to stay until the end, but also wanted to look at merch. I knew that since the headliner was on, there would be no lines at the merch table and also realized that with 1300 other people trying to get out of the venue, it would be a night mare.

Sadly, it was time to go. I turned to Jacques and told him it was nice meeting him. I made sure he had my email address for when he travelled in the states again. He shook my hand and told my son, "Make sure you only listen to good music. No rap, no country..." My son nodded his head in agreement. I told him to take care and turned to R to tell her that we were going to head to the merch table. She decided to join along.

Joey Sky found an In Flames shirt he wanted and I saw the Gojira table. Checking the cash I had in my pocket, I noticed we could only buy one shirt... but then salvation- The In Flames table had a credit card machine! I told Joey Sky he could pick one shirt and as I paid for that one, I asked the guy at the merch table which Gojira shirt would look the hottest on me. "The blue one" he said. I bought it as we chatted about the tour. After that, we decided to call it a night.

In the parking lot, R made a comment about her "boyfriend" as we passed a car with a "parent" waiting. The drive home was uneventful except for the light dusting of snow. We talked about the concert, the people and R's Underage Make A Wish Boyfriend as he kept coughing on her all night.

After an hour I dropped her off at the hotel and headed home. The farther south I went the harder it snowed. It wasn't a blizzard by any means, but it was distracting, especially with my very dim "brights". The way they were situated it made it worse. I couldn't see the road well and the flurries were blurring the rest of my vision. With my one regular beam, I had no other choice but to go back to the dim light just to see the road. (As a disclaimer, the snow was NOT bad at all to drive in it was a matter of my lights acting wonky while driving).

With just two miles left to getting home, I passed a small strip mall. Even at 2 am, I was surprised when I passed a car in the parking lot. And then it dawned on me, the only reason the car would be there for. D'OH! Of course, the cherries went on. I flipped my blinker and pulled over. I prayed Joey Sky didn't wake up as I pulled out my license and registration.

"Where you coming from tonight?"
"Worchester, Ma."
"Oh yeah? What was going on up there tonight?"
"A concert..."
"Been drinking at all?"
"Not a drop." I was so glad I kept to my rule of no drinking if I'm driving, especially with my son in the car.
"Good. Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"No."
"Well you were driving way too slow. You need to speed it up."
"Uh, oh, really?" I said as I started blankly out my window. I bit my tongue before I said admitted I may have been speeding.
"I'm just teasing, I pulled you over because your headlight is out. Did you know that? Also, you have two break lights out and your license plate light out. Do you have any warrants for your arrest out? I'm going to run your license and I'll be right back."


-MetalRose

Chains, Flames and Automobiles Part II.

So my new foreign friend let me stand up against the rails along with Joey Sky. I kept asking R if she wanted to get closer, but she declined.

The three of us talked for a while about music. I asked our new friend if Gojira was as good live as they were on the album. His perfect teeth let one word escape, "Better." I hardly believed him as Gojira had very intricate guitar compositions.

Shortly after a few minutes of chatting, the lights went down and the first band went on. I had no idea who they were. I knew is that All That Remains had dropped off the tour, but didn't know who had replaced them. I was kind of looking forward to seeing them, but hearing they dropped off wasn't the end of the world.

I held my hand out to Joey Sky and gave him a thumbs up, a thumbs down or a thumbs in the middle sign. He looked at me shook his head and gave me a thumbs down sign. I agreed. R looked over at me and asked, "Who's playing?" I shrugged my shoulders and told her I didn't know. I asked our exotic friend behind us and he too shrugged his shoulders.

After their set ended the place cheered for them. My group decided they were horrible, flat and very generic. The only saving grace was the last song which was the best... but none of us had any intensions of running out and finding their music. My ten year old son even turned to me at one point and asked, "Who in the world would mosh to this crap? Don't they know what real music is?"

Up next was 36 Crazyfists. I can't say their music ever caught my attention, at least not in the right way. Our new friend said that the drummer always tests his own gear and motioned to the drummer on stage covered in a hoodie. While their music bored me, at least I got a chance to look at the crowd. During the middle of the set they asked if anyone knew who Killswitch Engage was and for the next song Howard Jones joined the 'Fists on stage. Aside from ProgPower (which is a truly unique festival on its own) I have not seen a concert like that in years. The entire show was packed wall to wall to wall.

I watched the crowd sway from one side to the other in a frenzied mosh pit. The cyclone in the middle of the floor swelled with guys as the perimeter of the oval shrank and grew with each song. The rules of the pit were followed. I saw kids being knocked down and others grabbing onto them and helping them right back up.

I saw the signs of "up" and saw person after person being hoisted in the air. The crowd moved as a chaotic one. Fists pumped in the air in unison. For the lack of talent for their music, at least they knew how to put on a good show.

Up next: The Band I had been waiting for: Gojira. They took the stage late and just before they walked up on the raised floor, I saw their set list. I was beyond happy. It was a mix of old and new songs. I couldn't control the movement of my neck. It started to rock faster and faster on its base. Before I knew it my neon red hair was flying in every direction. Even more young kids were raised onto the arms of the sardine people on the floor.

Fists pumped and hands clapped in unison for the French Metal Band Gojira. I could only watch in amazement as this baguette band amazed me. Their music had that live sound to it, but the songs were flawless. They announced it was their last song and I almost cried. I looked at the set list and saw my favorite song To Sirus. I knew they'd be back for an encore. They thanked the crowd and started off stage. I played along for a minute, and my heart sank as the roadies came out to tear down their gear. I guess I wasn't going to hear the one song I wanted to hear.

-MetalRose

Chains, Flames and Automobiles: Part I.

I called my coworker from the parking lot of the bank, “Hey I’m on my way. I just stopped by the bank and got some cash. I should be there in about 15-20 minutes.”

She replied, “So I’ll meet you in the lobby at about 25 after?”

I agreed as I hung up the phone to start the car. My muffler roared in protest as I backed out of my parking spot and headed towards the great northern sky.

At almost 5:25 on the dot, I pulled into the drop off area of the hotel. "R" was waiting in the lobby and she quickly made her way to my car. "I'm starving!" she declared. I was too. I asked if she wanted to eat at Uno's by her hotel, or if she wanted to try closer to the venue. She said Uno's was the "room service" for the restaurant and that she would rather travel a little bit.

I asked Joey Sky to hand me my iPod from my leather jacket that was laying the back seat. With in minutes, he was asleep in the backseat. It did make the ride a little bit easier and knew that he'd be wide awake through most of the concert. Even though he was using my leather jacket as pillow, I didn't wake him.

The closer we got to the venue, the more hungry we grew. We passed WOOSTA Pizza and decided that was our best bet based on the 0.1 miles to the VENUE as proclaimed by my GPS. Although we still hadn't hit the venue, we hoped for something a little closer and kept our eyes peeled.

A few blocks later we found the venue. There were a couple of parking lots in the area and as I rounded the corner to park, I saw the line for the show. The line extended past the block and had only broken to allow cars into the parking lot.

I decided to park right by the venue, I pulled in and asked the cost. "Twenty dollars" the toothless man stated. I handed him over a $20 bill along with the hopes of getting a tee-shirt. I had a few bucks on me, but if my son wanted a shirt, I was going to get one for him and I'd ask Santa for one for me.

I pulled up a few feet before the man started chasing after me. "Ten, you gave me ten!" he tried to shove the bill into my hands. "No, I gave you a $20. That's all I have in my wallet are 20's..." He protested, "Ten! You give me ten!" His thinning mullet was blowing in the breeze and he was insistent that I only gave him a $10 bill. I was damn sure that I gave him a $20. I pulled into the first open space and opened my wallet. It was one of the ONLY times I got a receipt for the transactions I did at the banks ATM. I counted out my money and felt like an idiot after I realized I did in fact give him a $10.

The wind was whipping in our faces as we walked a few blocks to the pizza joint. Starving we all ate fast and hoped we wouldn't have to wait in long line at the venue. By the time we finished eating our dinner, the line for the venue was right at the door. I got to security and the bouncer standing there points to my wallet chains, "Uh, there is no way those chains are going in..." I give him a look of amazement, "You're kidding me! Really? Can't I just put them in my pocket?" My questions are met with the shaking of a head in a horizontal direction. I pass the tickets to my coworker and son and tell them, "It's too cold for you to be outside. Here are your tickets. I'll meet you by the merch tables. I'll be right back." I took of running to my car.

When I got back to the door the girl there told me I couldn't go in with my safety pins on my jacket. She picked up her security walkie- talkie. I looked at the girl with such distain and said, "I was just told to put my wallet chains away. The guy said nothing about my pins..." She let me in.

I walked down the stairs and turned to the right. R and Joey Sky were sitting right there waiting for me. We found a good spot right behind the sound boards front and center. I saw the wings were open and asked Red why they were open. The guy standing in front of said, "The side over here to the right is for security, to the left is the fan club for Iced Earth..."

He had an accent, it wasn't thick but it was pronounced. He let us up right against the rails, he's seen In Flames at least 13 times, and he said, I was shorter than he was and he could see over my head. The night was only going to get more interesting....

-MetalRose

Beer Promises and hole plots.

Saturday morning rolled around way too early. My neighbor woke me up at about 7 am with his leaf blowing right outside my window. When my son rolled out of bed, I asked if he was spending the night at his friends house. He said he was.

Just before we hit the dentist, I sent a text to David asking if he wanted to cash in that beer I promised him back in March- ish. I told him I was free after 2 that day. He shot back a while later with "possibly".

I called him after I dropped my son off at his friends house. Sometimes a quick call is easier than a text message. We chatted for a bit and he told me he'd text me later. His text came a little while later something along the lines of having a few bucks, a pack of beer and the night starting like the begining of a Springsteen tune. The plan was to meet at my place around 8 ish and we'd figure out from there what to do.

I stopped at the adult store before heading home to relax a little bit. I watched an old man get out of his car. He could barely pull himself out of the driver seat. I saw his cane come out first. He slowly walked to the entrance where the girls were. He seemed to be a regular there... I don't know which was more sad, the fact that this man is alone in the world, or that he still thinks that these woman really want him. Now while his skin is sagging and hanging off his body, it's sad. Until that point, I'm sure he was just creepy.

After I got home, the afternoon passed quickly as I played the Wii. Shortly after 8:20, I got a call from David. He said he didn't see the street he was looking for. Luckily, he had only gone about 2 blocks past where he was supposed to go. I directed him to turn around and head back a couple of streets. I told him I'd head outside and wait for him.

Moments later, my phone rang, the intro for Amon Amarth's Twilight of the ThunderGods echoed on my phone. Although I love Amon Amarth, sadly it doesn't translate as well onto a cell phone, even as an MP3.

Instead of picking up my phone, I called out in the dark, "David?"

"Yeah, I saw two porches with people on them...."

Although I knew he was getting his hip replaced, the limp in his walk surprised me a bit. I held the door open for him as he carried in a 6 pack of beer. I tried to make idle chat with him, how was the drive? Did you find it ok, etc, etc etc.

I warned him of my narrow stairs and invited him into my place until we could formulate a plan. He asked to put his beer in the fridge while I popped two Corona's left over from Bullets hair dying escapades over two months ago. I remember why I prefer dark beers. Light beers taste like ass. We chatted over booze, I introduced him to the different styles of Metal. Rockabilly metal, folk metal, power death metal. As we talked he had no idea that there were so many kinds of metal and in turn he schooled me in punk music.

After a few beers, I asked, "So what's the plan?" He shrugged. I guess the plan was to hang out listen to tunes and drink some beer. Not really a night of excitement I had planned, but I didn't have any good alternatives. Besides, it made more sense to drink the beer we had and listen to music that we (I) liked at a volume low enough so that I didn't have to use a megaphone to be heard. As our discussion continued, the old abandoned warehouse came up. He had mentioned that he had always wanted to check it out as did I.

I found my flashlight and lantern and asked who was going to drive. David said he'd drive and we headed up to the warehouse in less than 7 minutes. As we were searching for a way to get in, cars drove past and honked. "Move along, nothing to see here..." David mumbled under his breath. After a bit of searching, we found an open door and easily made our way into the dark building.

Both of our thoughts turned to how cool a place that would be for a video shoot. It was sad to see that there was such a large building torn by time and apathy. Part of me was hoping that it would be the start of a bad horror movie.

SCENE ONE:

A couple of adventure seekers enter an abandoned warehouse building with a dimming flash light. One person has a noticable limp and the other has a rough exterior, unbreakable.

SOUNDS OF:

cars rushing by, an old river running and dried leaves on the groud.

The two people enter the warehouse through a hole in the fence and slip into the building mostly unnoticed.

JUMP TO:
View of outside of the building shows the flashlight's reflection on the broken windows and hushed voices inside the building. Diolauge not important, just mutters

PAN OUT TO:

Man covered in blood standing outside the building watching the explorers. Camera pans down to a bloodied metal nail file and then follows a drip of blood onto the ground. Pan back to POV of bloodied man watching people in the building

As much as I had been anticipating the start of a cool horror movie, sadly nothing of the sort happened.

As we hit the 3rd floor stairs, there was a board covering the entire stairway. We decided to stop there. It was a cold night, the flashlight was dimming and I think the need for beer and peeing was greater than what we were about to find... Which would have been not too much. I had hoped to find something eerie like an old abandoned hospital.

With our anticipation shattered we called it a night, but decided to perhaps try and search the building again during the day sometime, when the temprature would be warmer as well as the lighting much better.

Back at my place, David asked if I minded if he had another beer. It was barely midnight and was enjoying the conversation and misadventures of our adventures, so I grabbed a couple more beers and sat on the couch opposite of him. As he scrolled through my movies we decided to end the night with a bit of Monty Python and The Meaning of Life. His request. For someone who claims to be so miserable, he certianly laughed quite a bit.

As he got up to leave, I mentioned I was a little disappointed at the warehouse. I tried to argue that falling into a hole and being impaled while searching the building would have been a good way to die, he argued that regardless, I would die by falling in a hole. The arguement was useless. "Here, I grabbed this as a weapon. You know in case we encountered anyone." David said casually as he reached in his back pocket and gently tossed a metal nail file on my coffee table.

His justifying his weapon was as useless as me trying to convince him that my hole death was really hard core.

Sunday morning I went to get a bottle of water. I opened the fridge and noticed that David had left a couple of beers on the top rack. I sent him a text message: "I'm holding your remaining beers hostage. We'll have a nail file fight to the death."


-MetalRose

Gay Bars, Goth Clubs and Foot massages.

Friday night Bullets and I had plans to head to New Haven on Friday for a Goth Night at a club called Partners.

I left the planning up to Bullets, and when I searched for clubs in New Haven, the only one I found with a Goth Night had Gay Nights on Fridays. I wanted to make sure we were hitting the right market.

Those of you who know me know I don't care one way or the other the type of crowd at a bar or their sexual orientation. So Friday night rolls around and I put on my Gothic best, right down to my trademarked false eyelashes. I felt a little fat as my hip that I smashed at work is STILL swollen beyond belief.

Anyway we find the club and I walk in and my old co-worker Peter was there. He was drinking a Shirley Temple. He relayed that the bartender gave him an odd look, but he said, "Look I'm standing here under a picture of a man with a hard on stroking himself... I think I'm secure enough to order a Shirley Temple...." We chatted for a little bit about the Harford and the 500 jobs it plans to cut in the next few months... Making me so happy I jumped the sinking ship.
There really isn't much to tell about the club itself save for the music. What the fuck is with the crazy club music that is pseudo rigged to sound like goth/trance music? I was tempted to run to my car and get some real goth music like The Last Dance, Bella Morte, The Cruxshadows and Eisbreisher (although they are more industrial).

My friend Peter pointed out before he left, that we were indeed the "ElderGoths" When the hell did that happen?

At about 12:30 Bullets wanted to take off, and I suggested that we hang around for a while to see where the night took us. He kept coming back from smoke breaks talking about how his buddy Ed would love the "latina" club on the first floor. Only at the end of the night did I clue him in that the club downstairs was actually a gay bar... I suggested he bring his buddy Ed... Oh how fucking funny that would have been had I not clued him in!

Before we bolted for the night, Bullets asked me to hold his beer so he could have a smoke. I was wearing my clunky boots so I decided to sit down. A few minutes later, this guy came over and asked if he could massage my feet. *Shrug* What the hell?

So I pulled off my boots and handed him one foot at a time. We chatted for a little bit and he said he was looking for a lover. Uh, no thanks. Not my thing. Not in that aspect. I'm happy being single and if I wanted a steady piece of ass, well I won't get into that right now. Back to Friday night.

I'm sitting on the chair having my foot massaged one at a time when Bullets walks back in and looks at me. His look was of total WHAT.THE.FUCK? It was priceless. I handed him back his beer and he turned around. I have no idea what he was looking at... but I was having a good time.

I told the guy giving me a foot massage that I'd give him my number, and I had planned on giving him a fake number... Yes, the foot massage was nice, however, he was NOT attractive in the least, but it was a free foot massage and it gave the guy pleasure as well, so it was a win-win. When the guy went to find a pen, Bullets wanted to take off, which I can't say I minded. The guy who was massaging my feet had planted himself on a chair at the bar and was happily talking with people. I guess getting my phone number was not the first thing on his mind... Then again, he did ask me to come home with him and I turned him down, perhaps he knew I was going to blow him off.

I do know one thing though- thank god for being Sober Cab. It makes the escape so much easier...

-MetalRose

It's 3:30 Do you know where your children are?

My son's school ends at 3pm. He is supposed to call me daily at 3:30 to check in with me, unless he goes to the afterschool program instead of his after school care.

Yesterday I didn't hear from my son at 3:30, so I waited until about 3:40 as maybe the bus was running late. I kept calling him and calling him and calling him. I couldn't reach him. So I called the SVP of the company at 3:50 and told him I had to go. I then called my mom and said, "IcantgetaholdofJoeySkyI'monmywayhomerightnowCallhimpleasegottagobye." and hung up the phone as I peeled out of the work parking lot.

I called my aunt who lives a few blocks away to see if he had gone home. About 20 minutes later, I still hadn't heard of anything was freaking out. Every single person in front of me was driving about 5 miles an hour.

As I pulled off my first exit, my car started to stall. Shit. I had planned on getting gas last night after work, but not being able to get ahold of my son, I had to just go and find him. (Side note to the waste of life Casey Anthony It only took 15 minutes for me to go into panic mode and I had 3 other people on the search with in 20 minutes, not 20+ days. She's gone and you know what happened to her. ) As I pulled off the ramp, my car started to buck, I had to hit my gas harder just to move the car.

In the midst of not being able to locate my child, I had to stop and get gas. I don't know how much I put in my tank, but today I'm back on "Low fuel" light again. I most likely only put in enough to get home.

Talk about panic. I was not able to reach my son for more than an hour, my heart was being torn in two for that entire hour. I was in tears driving and tailgating every single person. Which I know is dangerous.... but if your child was missing, wouldn't you too?

In the end, he had a half day of school and went to the other afterschool program, which he was instructed to do. Which made me proud, however, there was nothing listed on the school website about it being a half a day.

Even thinking about it my heart skips a beat. But as I said, he was where he was supposed to be.

In other news, my home computer is still dead. The Trojan Virus has eaten it and I haven't got the cash to get it fixed right now. So my internet time is very limited.

I've got to update on the car accident, clothing projects and work issues... I need to get my ProgPower memories out, even if I can't add the pictures yet.

Anyway, back to work for me.

-Metal

And summer slowly fades away.

With the shade of my hair turning back from purple to a crimson red, I feel only slightly ahead of the trees turning colors.

Summer has gone already, although I love the fall, I hate the winter.

Joey Sky started school today, and I was back at work. Crazy trainer is still driving me nuts and today I got in trouble for finding and fixing an error before she was even out of bed. Gee thanks for the kudos on that one. /scarcasm.

Now that I'm over my jet lag, life at home is back to being slightly interesting again.

The douchewaffle that was arrested for threatening kids decided the front door of our house was his personal battering ram during a fight with his sister. He literally took the door off it's hinges.

Today I thought there was a gas leak in my apartment, so as I was standing outside waiting for the gas company to come over, he walked over to me and asked to borrow a lighter.

I promptly informed him that he was no longer welcome at our place as he had damaged our door. "It was an accident" he said. I replied with, "No it wasn't. If you're pushing that hard on a door and it comes off it's hinges it wasn't an accident..." and then told him if he wanted to damage shit, to do it on his own property as we were sick of it. He then said, "Did you see it? Do you have it on camera?" I replied with yes and no. He then said, "Fuck this" and walked upstairs to get a lighter from the neighbor who had just been informed there was a GAS LEAK in the house.

So what does douche waffle 1 and 2 do? Well douchewaffle 1 comes walking out of the house with a lit cigarette. Smarts, let me tell you they are everywhere here. Interestingly enough, not one person came to his defense, except the people on the 3rd floor who only said, "The land lord never said anything about him not being here..." To which I replied, "I'm the building manager, and he is not allowed back on this property." Not another word was said before the degenerate decided to take off down the street.

Back to the weekend. Saturday night Bullets came over. He wanted his hair redone... of course since I love hair and love dying hair, twist my arm. It took a couple hours to do but from what I understand it looks awesome.

I put some Red in Joey Sky's hair as well. Looks really killer.

Other than that, getting ready for ProgPower. I was trying to sew my corset, but the sewing machine I have isn't stiching right, so I called my cousin and asked to borrow hers. I hope she'll let me.

Car issues- my car is going to shit again. Took it into the repair shop while I was in Spokane for work. Got a call that the guy isn't going to fix it, not worth the time or money. Cool. But the issue is the same one I had oh, 10 months ago. So I take it back into the repair shop where I had it done before.

The guy starts trying to rip me off from the get go. He tells me I need a new hose, spark plugs, etc... bascially running up another $800 bill with out getting to the source of the issue. This is what he did last time, ran up $800 in minor repairs and 4 days later the head gasket blew.

With the head gasket potentially going again, he said I was about 200 miles over the warranty. He's got to be fucking kidding me. A head gasket is only supposed to last 10 months and 12K miles?

I bascially told the guy to bite me.

So yeah, a bit here and there, but life is good and I'm excited for ProgPower this year! Should be a killer time.

Oh, and side note to Bullets- If you're wearing an Iced Earth shirt while saying you hate Power and Progressive Metal make you look really silly. ;)

-Metal

Thrifty

I'm so tired. Once I get on a roll, I don't stop. My recent thing is sewing, hand sewing. I bought a book a while back, 101 things to do with a T-Shirt.

A couple of days ago, I was out at the local Crap-Store (Target, Walmart, KMart, whatever) to pick up some travel items for my work trip to Spokane this coming week. I saw a shirt that I really liked the style of, but didn't want to purchase it. Besides it gave me a creative idea and I wanted to do some modifications to it. I bought a couple of black shirts and decided to construct it myself.

Good idea in theory.

I got home, pulled the sleeves off the one, then made a hood out of another shirt, and from a 3rd shirt made long sleeves. Then started to hand sew everything together. While I do have a sewing machine. I figured I'd have better control of the seams if I did it by hand. While I do, I became so involved with it, I've been up to 3 am every night working on this shirt. The shirt is sewn together now, but it's time for the embellishements.

I woke up yesterday with a massive ach in my arm from all the stretching and movement I've been doing of it. Seriously. Hand sewing is hard work!

In other news:

Got my plane ticket to Atlanta today, $167 round trip from Hartford! Last time I checked flights they were around $700! Good deal for me.

I'm getting excited for ProgPower...

With that, I need to get cleaning and get packed and get some sleep. If I could ONLY keep away from my needle and thread.

I wonder if they'll let me take them on the plane...

-Metal

Through the Styx on the way to Boston.

I was supposed to work until 5pm today in order to cover the phones while someone was being trained in.

She called in this morning as her water broke. I called my super and asked if he still wanted me to stay late, hoping that he wouldn't. Thankfully, I could leave at 4 as normal.

3:45 pm, I started shutting down my computer applications, praying that no one called. The day had been slow to that point and I hoped the Gods weren't playing a joke on me. Luckily, Karma had it in. For all the times I stayed late, today I walked out the door at 4:02pm. I had places to be tonight.

****

My aunt and I arrive at the casino at the same time. She told me to meet her at the box office. I follow the directions given by casino employees and end up getting lost. It's true what they say about casinos- they are shaped like a maze and everything is in loops. It's hard to tell from the outside, but inside it's loop after loop after loop.

I finally met up with my aunt to get my ticket with an hour to spare before the concert. "Here," she says as she hands me a massive ticket and a backstage pass sticker for the after show. "Cool" I say as I peel the back and slap it on my leg. "We get to be special tonight".

I follow her back to the resturant where her and her friends were eating. The table only sat 4 and there wasn't enough room for me. In fact I got evil stares from the waitresses as they passed by carrying armloads of food and milkshakes to starving customers. She mentions that my cousin is at some BBQ joint and I excuse myself from their company to find the rest of my family.

Although the Mohegan Sun Casino is nice, there were too many shops. If it weren't for the ringing of the slot machines and the abundance of slow walking elderly blowing away their Social Security checks, I would have thought I was at a mall.

I wander up the stairs, avoiding the escalators at all costs and take off to the right to see if I can find the rest of my brood. As I peer in the windows of the resturants I pass, people gawk at me as much as I them. At the last stop, I see the rest of my family sitting around a large table eating their dinners.

I push pass the crowd and make my way to the table. This place was only slightly less crowded than the last. At least there is enough room for me to stand by the table and chat for a minute. My cousin offers me a chair and I refuse trying to excuse myself to find a beer and have a smoke before the concert starts.

Having no luck finding a good place to sit and drink for a short time before the concert began, I make my way into the Arena. *Sigh* My first true Arena Rock concert. Inside the doors, I spot the Sam Adams cart. I'm dying for a Sammy, but they won't take my card so I'm reduced to drinking a $6 Bud Light from a cheap plastic bottle.

I pass my ticket off to the person at the door and they escort me to my seat. Not bad. We're on the floor, about 7-10 rows back, and I happen to have the middle seat ticket, which is right behind a very short kid. Nice.

I nurse my expensive cheap beer for a few minutes until my family arrives. My cousin tries to convice me to take her to a metal show. She said she'd even allow me to dress her. Then she decides it's beer time for her and her friend. I slam mine down and decide that if I'm going to pay for one expensive bottle of beer, I might as well buy two knowing full well that one of their beers could buy me at least a 6 pack of the same brand at a package store.

My cousin Kim, who is Tom's wife, stopped by to say hello, she took off as Styx hit the stage. I slam my second beer down and realize I have to pee. And since I'm in that area, why the hell not get another beer? A few minutes later, I sneak back to my chair, stepping on everyone's toes on the way back.

I'm sure the people in my row loved me. But you know, once you break the seal, it's over.

Boston took the stage after about a half hour change over. I missed it all as there was a black curtian up and I too had to join the hordes of smokers. A group came near me an I could hear them muttering about not being caught. Well, gee, I wonder what they are doing. Then they moved over slightly and I follow. I offer them the cover of my clove cigarette smell. I might not smoke it, but dammit, it's a concert gotta be cool.

I buy my last beer from the girl at the counter. I think I keep going back because she flattered me. Her and her boss thought I was only 19 while her co worker swore I was 25. They about fell over when I told them I'd hit 30 in about 6 weeks. I don't mind being carded though, makes me feel young and the fact that I fool most people into thinking I'm younger... well then I can't blame them.

I stumble back through the doors to the seating area. The security at the door dont' even check my ticket anymore. In a crowd of a couple thousand, I take it as a compliment that I stick out. Then again, having to pee every 10 minutes really is helping the cause too.

I get into my seat in enough time to see the curtain fall for Boston. The crowd immedatly got to their feet and started dancing and clapping. I too got to my feet and jived with the music. Even though my earplugs muffled the sound, the tone was perfect. Not a note off and not one instrument or vocal coming through or fading out more than what was supposed to.

I miss seeing concerts like that where the sound is immaculate. During one of the ballads, I sat down and my body started to fall alseep on me. My eyes closed and I fell into the music just letting my body rest. I hate being the old fart who falls alseep at shows, especially when every one in my group has a good 10+ years on me.

After the final band bow, and we were pushed over to section 14 to wait for the after show party. My cousin was a little disappointed as she was expecting it to be like the 80's- drinking, drugs, groupies.. but no. We were sent to the buffet room to hang out for a while until the guys were ready.

Granted our total wait time was only about 15 minutes, which was suprising to me. I expected to wait more than about 30 minutes. A few minutes of being the room and I have to pee again. I ask if there is a place I can go and I'm escorted through what the security calls, "secret backstage area" everything in there was secret. Secret dumpster, secret wall, secret pillar, secret bathroom.

It was slightly amusing has this been my first rodeo, but it wasn't and her banter wasn't really that cute. I don't get star struck anymore, and being backstage, while cool, isn't that impressive to me any more. I probally have more passes and stickers than she could shake a stick at.

Shortly after I get back to the green room, I hear a loud applause. It's Gary. He starts on one side of the room and starts shaking everyone's hand. I notice his eyes are blank, almost like what he was doing was a menial part of his job. Although he didn't act like it. When he got to my aunt, she started to gush about how great he was on stage and how cool it must be. I start to get embarassed.

I don't act like that in front of famous people anymore. I've been spoiled so much around big name musicians, I see them as normal people. Sure I'll talk shop here and there, but I'm sure the musicians are just as tried of hearing the same old cliches as they are repeating them back to appease the person to feel grateful. "Great show tonight! You were awesome!" "Thanks for coming." "It's a pleasure to see you."

Shortly after Gary leaves our table, I hear another round of applause this time it's for Michael Sweet. I was hoping to get a chance to talk to him for a moment.

When Boston played in Minnesota, my family out there went to the show. My mom called me later the next day and told me she had a long conversation with Michael. She never really gave me specifics on it at all, but needless to say, it really affected her in a good way. I wanted to make sure I said something to Michael about it.

Michael is stopped about 3 people from us and bombarded with fans. I don't want to present myself as a groupie, as I'm not. I'm just a messanger. Just as he moves over, Kim comes to bring us to see Tom. We walk by Michael and he stops us to say hello.

He extends his hand to me and looks in my eyes as he does and spurts the cliche, "Thanks for coming." His eyes have the same look that Gary's did. "Michael, it's nice to meet you. I don't want to keep you, but you met my mother in Minnesota a few weeks back." His eyes lit up and he let out a genunie smile.

He doesn't look old at all, and only gives his age when the lines around his eyes crease with recogonition, I continue, "After the show she called me and said she spent a good deal of time talking with you. She didn't give me details at all, but I wanted to let you know that you spending that time and talking with her really touched her." His other hand moved to top mine and he asked me my name. He then said, "thank you,'' and I could see in his eyes that he meant it. As I moved to let the person behind me say their thoughts, he complimented my purple hair. (As a disclaimer- NOTHING inapproiate was discussed between them from what I understand and from what my mother said, it felt like old friends talking.)

I quickly followed out behind my family to see Tom. I hadn't seen him since he sat next to me at my cousins wedding where we talked briefly about the future of music. I can only imagine to his delight that the house was full and that the crowds have been kind.

I again became embarassed when my own family started pulling out cameras and getting pictures with him. All I could think was, "This is family! You don't treat your family like rockstars..." I feel that posed pictures backstage at a show dehumanized him. At least he was very gracious.

As my family tapered off, I too decided it was time to head home. I ran into Michael one more time and wanted to finish talking to him. He was in the middle of signing something and I didn't want to bother him, but he waved me over. I explained, "I wanted to let you know one more thing, but I was off to see Tom." Upon hearing Tom, he tried to flag him down, but I explained that I had already seen him and was on my way out the door, but wanted to mention one last thing to him.

While I said my final piece to Michael, he again became at ease with me. It was short and sweet and as I shook his hand one last time, he put his hand on my shoulder in a sweet gesture and wished me well.

I am escorted from backstage and caught up with my family who had left just before I did. They ask how I got out of a different door. I shrug. I guess I always get the special treatment where ever I go. *wink*

I walk them to their doors and try unsuccessfully to find my way out. My smokes are gone and I want to buy a pack before I left anyway. Back in Minnesota, the cigarettes in the casino's were always dirt cheap, so I assume the same there as well. For $10 a pack, I decide the long drive home down the dark twisted tree lined roads of Connecticut would be better spent smoke free.

-Metal

Time to myself.

Time to myself is a dangerous thing.

As I drive the back country roads on my way home from work in Agawam, Mass to the slums of Rockville, where driving ten miles takes you 35 minutes, I realize I'm restless again. I hate numb, numb is sadly comfortable right now. And in the very least, numb is a feeling... And now that Joey Sky is with Grandma and Grandpa for a few more weeks, I find myself even more restless and misunderstood.

It's no lie that I am confident and have my head on straight, it;s just that I've accomplished so much in the last few years, I feel that I've lost direction and don't know where to go next.

The open window blows cool summer air through my purple hair and the smell of my clove cigarette drifts out my window, my eyes hidden by the dark brown lenses of my sunglasses, I should be enthralled by beauty, but it was just another commute to get home. I should hit the gym tonight, to train for the marathon, but I can't bring myself to steer my car in that direction. I miss driving in the larger cities and seeing the variety of people.

I'm a people watcher by nature, and everyone has a story, when I used to drive through Hartford, I used to make up great stories for the people that I was passing. I used to give them great lives, but the ones that looked worn out and run down, I gave them great tragedies. But each person had a different story.

I sometimes wondered if the person at the bus stop was doing the same for me. Thinking I was on my way home from a great high paying job to go home and get dinner ready for my husband and children and then feed the left overs to my dog. Then we'd all sit around the table playing board games... I too imagined them imagining a different life for me. That was when the living day by day caught up with me. I've tried to live for each moment and in the meantime, missed the greater goals in life...

Don't get me wrong... I'm just lonely right now. For as much as I say I'm ok being alone, most of the time I am... but then I have a family to come home to, right now I don't.

The trees wrap around Route 83 and the roads narrow, my mind sometimes drifts to the day that the roads were started with covered wagons. How life was just life. When women married young and had large families. Where even if they weren't content, they had to accept what life they had.

I blow my last stream of sweet smelling smoke out the window and toss the butt out the window and wonder if I would have made it back then, or if I would have caused waves...

I snap back to the song on the iPod. It's a friend of mine singing a song for a girl he loves. The vocals are off and the song wasn't mastered right. I don't care, it makes me want to fall in love all over again. And I need to hear his voice right now. It always brings me comfort. For a moment I pretend he's singing it for me.

My mind races to a time where it could have been, if only we hadn't been so blind. It's true, you never do get over your first love, and if only I had been his, perhaps he could have loved me the way I loved him. But the memories we had were fond and loving and I don't regret letting him have my heart, even if I couldn't have had his. I can only avoid the true pain in his voice by fooling myself into thinking that if the song wasn't meant for me in some small way, he wouldn't have sent it to me.

Could it have been different, should it have been different? My mind races and brings me to a similar, but different spot:

For all the men who regret losing me, it brings me no solace. It brings only hurt. The old line of "It's not you it's me..." no longer holds water. I know it's me. I push people away because I can't feel anymore. Or maybe I don't want to feel.... Sometimes feeling numb is better than the pain. And I'm getting to old to feel anything anymore.

You see, I'm not looking for marriage, but I've figured out that if no one is willing to fight for me, I can only fight for myself. And if I do end up alone, well then I won't be disappointed.

It sucks to have people walk away and then want to come back. I can't go back, but not out of strenght, out of fear. History has a way of repeating itself, you know.

I glance out the window and see the Castle very close to the corners of Route 83 and Route 286. Routes. When did I decide that driving routes with numbers instead of streets with names was the way I wanted to live? It bothers me that I'm so far away from the city. I love the cities. And I now work with a private company that deals with only farmers? I really like my new job, but when did I become a country girl?

The road slowly turns to a little bit more of a civilazation... I see a grocery store on the horizon. I need groceries.I have some bread and mac and cheese at home. I've got one extra roll of toilet paper, and I need dish soap, and maybe some more bread...I should stop, but I don't I keep going until I hit the liquor store.

I wonder around the store a little bit checking out the bottles of wine. I pick up a couple of bottles of Beringer Wines. Maybe I thought of my sister and her up coming wedding. Dear God how I hate weddings. It's only 3 weeks since the engagement and my sister's already become a Bridezilla.

I pull out of the parking lot with two bottles of wine and a 6 pack of Sam Adams Cherry Wheat beer. The street I usually take is closed. The bridge is ou and that pisses me off. The machinery hasn't moved in weeks.

I pull into my parking space and my neighbor is sitting on the porch. I open my back door of my car and make a comment about a dinner party so I don't look like a lush. I'm sure he knows I'm lying, but doesn't call me out on it.

I text my friend Bullets and ask if he's up for a beer. "No sorry kind of busy but thank you sweetie." I text back that maybe we can get together over the weekend. I'm lonely right now and could really use someone to spend time with. Someone to share a living space with me for a couple of hours someone with whom I care about. But I don't tell him that, I don't want to seem vunerable.

I power up my computer and decide that I need to hear my friend singing to me. I let myself fall into that fantasy for a while as my second Cherry Wheat coats my stomach and the aromatic air of the clove drifts from my ash tray. Perhaps there is a slight romantic side in me. The side that longs for the high school crushes of long ago... Way before my heart was shattered time and time again, long before I became bitter and jaded.

My phone beeps with a new text message and I'm drawn out of my wonderlust. It's Bullets.

"Maybe".

-Metal

Geek Patrol.

It's offical. I'm a full fledged geek... I spent about 15 hours over the weekend validating codes against application print screens to make sure the code matched up to what was being shown and to make sure the screens flowed smoothly.

I also drank 2 cups of coffee (which I haven't had in, oh, 3-4 years) so in my down time, I wrapped my blanket around my neck and pretended I was a super hero.

Cool points up for grabs, I think after this weekend, I have 24 hours to turn them over before they are confiscated...

-MetalRose

Overtime Rules

Friday night, I took off down to NYC. Got a text message from this kid (22year old) I hung out with ONCE. Here's the back story:

We hung out once, we drank beer and played Guitar Hero. He tried to get me to give him a blow job, but unless you're a rockstar, not on first meeting there Sparky. Basically all week he's been texting me for a booty call. While there is a part of me that would seriously fuck his brains out. He's way too desparate and playing too many games. And although he's got a killer body, he's not that hot and while he expects a blow job, he said he won't return the favor.

We talked about getting together on Monday night and he blows me off. He texted me on Tuesday and I told him I had a friend over and he told me to text him later if I wanted to get together. Um, what part of my text did he not understand??

Anyway, last weekend when we were hanging out, we had plans to get together tonight as I told him I was heading to NYC last night. So what does he do? He sends me a text message last night asking what I'm doing. Dude, I'm in NYC and I told you that. Then he sends me a text message, "Oh well I'll guess I'll do something else." Yes, please do. I'm not at your beck and call. Then I get another text message, "Why didn't you text me the other night?" I responded with, "I'm out."

Alright Grasshopper, enough. 1. You blew me off first, and didn't have the respect to text me when you couldn't make it. 2. I told you I had a friend over and I wasn't going to text you. 3. You're not my boyfriend 4. You're too desparate. I don't find desperation sexy. 4. I don't play games. 5. You expect me to go down on you, but won't return the favor? 6. Your choice in music sucks. Need more reasons? Bye-bye.

So anyway, last night in NYC was a blast. I got a chance to see Saints of Pain play and met a ton of cool people and run into some old friends. Hung went on late and after one song I had to bail which really sucked. Their sound last time I saw them was terrible and they sounded a hell of a lot better last night, but I have to work this weekend.

On the train home, I feel asleep as I knew I was going to get home very late, well early in the am. I kept my ear open for all the stops along the way, but missed the New Haven (end of line) announcement. I hear this loud, "EXCUSE ME! We're in New Haven..." Some random guy on the train took it upon himself to wake me... which I found kind of funny.

We've got a big project roll out and I offered my time. Lately, I've been admitting what a geek I am. I used to try and deny it, but I am. I called in at 11 am as directed in order to get the offical start time for the project. I rolled into the office at about 12:45 as directed... It was nice that I didn't have to work at 8 am.

So I spent all day comparing spreadsheets and databases and logging pass/fail codes from a sampling of account numbers. For the most part, there were only a few little bumps in the road. I really enjoyed doing it and being a part of it... and having that extra overtime doesn't hurt in the least either.

Tomorrow, back to the same thing. The project goes live tonight after all our checking, and tomorrow we spend about 10 hours making everything went smooth and we'll be back to checking data again.

The geek in me is looking forward to helping out again.

So that's life lately.

-Metal

So the marathon.

I've been thinking a lot about the marathon. From what I've read, most recommend running at least a year (and 25 miles a week) before trying out for a marathon.

By no means does that mean I'm going to quit. However I know I have to slowly build up to that. Right now I think I'm going to start my training after ProgPower and hit it hard. That way I will have most temptations out of my way. Mostly smoking and junk food.

I'm going to keep hitting the gym as I did before, but I think I'm going to strive for more cardio each week and slowly build up my running... well start running. But I'll get to that slowly.

I'm hoping to drop a bit of weight and am really going to watch what I eat even closer.

Tomorrow, I'll set up an appointment with a doctor in the area, get my thyroid checked and talk to him about training for a marathon and get his advise and thoughts so I don't hurt myself.

I never planning on running the marathon in the next 6 months and by the looks of it my first marathon may be in spring of 2010- Which after ProgPower will give me about 15 months of training. That may move depending on if I am physically able to do it as the last thing I want to do is hurt myself. And I'll have to run other half marathons and marathons in the area in order to qualify for something larger - IE the Boston Marathon.

Either way, I'm scared shit less, but that motivates me all the way.

-Metal

Disappointed

I joined a gym back in March/April with the goal of going twice a week. So far I've only missed on week- two work outs. This is because my upstairs neighbors are watching Joey Sky and I don't want to take advantage of that. However I'll be working out damn near every day when he's in Minnesota.

But I'm frustrated as I had two goals when I started working out, the main one was to quit smoking. I wanted to have a good six months under my belt before ProgPower so that my will power would be strong. I've always started smoking at ProgPower. I failed at that.

The second was to lose some weight or tone up. My clothes aren't fitting any better, in fact, they are tighter. A few years ago, I had a border line issue with my thyroid, so I think I'm going to have that checked again...

But in the last few weeks, I've been toying with the idea of training for a marathon. I know it's going to kick my ass, but I really need something for that extra kick to help me accomplish the short term goals. I kind of realized that the short term goals are easier to brush off if I don't have a long term goal...

And now that things are kind of settled down in life- job, home, etc I have to set something else to accomplish or I feel like I'm drifting along.

So over the next few weeks, I'll be researching marathons and how the runners train. I'll also see how much it is to register for a run and other such things.

Interestingly enough, I'm setting a goal for something that I never liked doing- running. My biological father used to run religiously and I hated when he signed us up for the "fun runs"... but aside from biking or swimming, I think this would be the best way for me to "kill two birds with one stone" and reach my short term goals all while striving for the long term.

-Metal

It still breaks my heart

Last November, I got my first child support check ever. Although it lasted longer than I thought it would, I never got the full amount and it ended in April.

Last night, I tried to call my son's father to see if he had quit his job. I called the only number I had for him and got voice mail. I didn't leave a message, but a few minutes later, I got a call back.

The woman on the other end demanded to know who I was, and when I told her, she lighted up.

It was my ex's other child's mother... and she had some bad news. Her and my ex had broken up. My heart sank.

She and I talked for quite a while, and her story was exactlly the same as mine... and the one before hers... and I'm sure the one after hers.

My heart broke when she told me they were no longer together. Four different woman, one story. It's all the same. He finds a young girl, gets her pregnant, isolates her so she feels she can't live without him, he walks all over her, she gets smart and fights back, and he leaves...

And in the long run, the only person who is hurt is the innocent children in this whole thing. He thinks that if he can ignore the mother, the child will go away, and that by not taking part in the child's life, he thinks he's hurting me (and the other mothers) but in all reality, he's hurting his children.

I feel betrayed because I thought for once, he had changed. From the outside my son's father seemed like he was getting his life together and accepting what he had brought into his own life. He had been with a job for more than a few months and was actually paying child support. And there was a part with in me that considered turning in paper work to lower the laughable amount of $199/month so that he could have a little more money to take care of the son he was then taking part in raising.

This man has a pattern of finding young girls (around 18-19) and isolating them. He eventually gets them away from all their friends and makes them prisioners. They are forced to wait on him hand and foot while he can do what ever he wants, talk to whomever he wants... but his girlfriend can't even talk to a male family memeber with out being accused of cheating.

This man is so insecure and so afraid that he can't find a woman his own age whom he can control.

He has a pattern of always being the "victim" in order to endear these women to him and then again uses it to quit jobs. It's always the same thing, "The ex's won't let me see the kids." or "I do ten times more work than that person, but get paid less... I quit" or "My father left me when I was 8."

Joey Sky wrote a paper in school. He wrote that he wished his father and I had never broken up and that he would think later in life his dad was dead because he would never hear from him. He also wrote that he wants to know why his dad never sees or contacts him.

Yes, that does hurt me... It hurts to know that I can't protect my son from that kind of pain. Pain which NO one should go through, especially a child who is trying to find their own place in the world.

And yet the pattern keeps repeating. My heart breaks not only for my son, but for all the kids left in the path of this mans destruction... and it hurts to know that there is nothing I can to to prevent the pattern from repeating with this particular person.

However, I can only hope that I can prevent it with in my own child. I hope that if and when my son decides to have children that he steps up and doesn't to do him like his father did, and his fathers father did.

These poor children, my heart breaks for all of you...

Tom Cruise and Lawnmowers

Monday my brother came in from LA. He took Joey Sky to a Yankees game on Tuesday and got back Wednesday, then on Thursday they went to Boston. I laughed that my child has been in 3 states in 3 days. Little traveller there!

Friday, I had a big family get together at my place. I had about 20 people here. It was really nice to finally have everyone over here! I had planned a party last year, but only had 3 people showed up. And my neighbor set off fireworks, which he bought legally, but not with in the borders of this state. *wink*

I've been saying for quite a while, that my neighborhood isn't the greatest. Well I learned at the party, just how true that was. On Wednesday a man was arrested, he had been featured on America's Most Wanted the prior Saturday. The house he was staying at was about 7 houses away, give or take. I drive by his house every single morning and every single night on my way to and from work.

He was wanted for: charges of threatening, kidnapping, attempted murder, false imprisonment, criminal conspiracy and theft by extortion, in connection with the kidnapping, shooting and torture of a bar owner.

Lovely, he fled from Maryland to here in order to stay with his girlfriend. When the SWAT team found him and took him into custody, he pissed himself. I laughed when I read that. What a bad ass...

With that, I'm off to clean the house yet again. With all the company coming in and going out, it seems like it's never ending. This time it won't be so bad, it's just a matter of doing dishes, vaccuuming and putting the garbage out... Oh, and I have to do laundry. Shit, I guess it's a bigger task than I thought, but it was well worth it. I loved having the family over here.

-Metal

A better update, hopefully

So I haven't been online much due to the new job. Granted I'm home a good two full hours earlier than previously, it's just that having some day light hours really rules, especially now the weathers nice.

I've been trying to catch up and check up when I can. You might see that I've been around, but not posting, or making comments as much. I'm still here.

It's just that by nature, I'm a vampire. When given time off, with in about 24 hours, my body says it's time to go to bed at 4 am and get up at 1 pm... so getting up at 5:30 am to get to work by 7am is a little hard on my body.

I've also been trying to keep busy. A few weekends ago, I painted the outside hallway. I didn't mean to really, it did need to be done, but I wasn't really planning on doing it then. After I tried to do a cool effect on it, it looked like shit, so I ended up painting over it. So a 4 hour job turned into 12.

The new job is going really well. I've already gotten compliments on it, and I talked with the SVP today and he told me that I was already ahead of where they hoped I'd be at this point. Which I took as a very big compliment seeing as how my trainer dropped the ball on me.

I did tell him that I was frustrated with the situation and I felt like there were huge holes in what I should have learned. I explained that things I felt comfortable with were gone over more than I needed, and that things I wasn't understanding were breezed over.

I explained that I wasn't sure if I should talk to him about my concerns or if I should have let it go, but he said he was glad that I did as that is one of the reasons they hired me. They told me they liked the fact that I wasn't shy and didn't seem like the person who would have reservations about any issues I encountered. When he said that I felt a great relief and he agreed that there are some gaps.

The new company is really cool. Every day at 3pm, we get free popcorn, coffee and tea are only $0.25 per cup (not that I drink it), hot cocoa is $0.50 a cup. We also have a ping pong table in the office and not only do we not get in trouble for sending emails via our co-workers unlocked computer, the SVP joins in the fun as well.

The company is a bunch of Jokers and practical gag specialists. The CEO has been known to join in the fun.

Last week our A/C went out when it was 97 outside. It was down for two days, and they didn't force us to come in, but for those of us who did, we got free water, soda and juice all day long. The company even bought everyone ice cream bars.

I'm working harder than I was before at The Hartford, but I'm not as stressed when I leave, not even close. And talking with people who have been there 4-5 years, they say the same thing.

The only downside is the working in two states taxes thing, it takes about 1/3 of my paycheck, but I should get most of it back at taxes from what I understand.

This weekend is over time, and in Mass Saturday is time and a half, no matter how many hours worked, Sunday is double time, and if I want to work a paid holiday, I get holiday pay plus double time.... So when I can I'll be working holidays!

I do have to wear my wig when there, but I don't mind. I did ask at HR if the odd colored hair would be a big deal and HR checked with the main HR who asked the CEO, and they stated they would prefer not. I told HR it wasn't a big deal to wear my wig if my other hair color would prevent me from working there. She said that she thought it was too bad because she have loved to see my hair color on a weekly basis. Oh well.

In other news, not too much on the home front. I'm working on a family get together in early July when my brother is in town. That's about it.

Kind of boring around here lately, but chaotic as well.

Just another day in the life of MetalRose. Exciting, I know...

-Metal

For Fathers Day

This morning, Joey Sky woke me up telling me to call Papa Pete (my biological dad) to wish him a Happy Fathers Day. Before I was even awake all the way, he had called my dad and then handed me the phone.

It's no secret that I didn't want to talk to him, but when I was handed the phone, the signal cut out and I lost the call. I didn't call back. My sister told me that was rude, that he probally thinks I hung up on him. I told her I didn't really care.

I won't get into all the gory details, but suffice to say, my dad and I aren't on the best terms. I decided I was better in life with out him. There's a saying that you date people who are similar to your parent(s), and if anyone knows my dating history (aside from the last guy), well then I think that speaks volumes.

For a very long time, I really had tried to maintain even a good terms relationship with my dad. That was until my half sister passed away.

Not too long ago, I found out that my dad didn't want any kids after my half sister and half brother. Regardless, here we are. I had always felt secondary (at best) in his life, and knowing that I wasn't wanted on his end has only magnified those feelings. It's hard to look at a man who treats me like he has no respect for me...

Which brings me to this blog. I just talked to my sister and told her about the phone cutting off. In which she went off into a huge tirade on how I haven't forgiven him and I shouldn't play the victim. After listening to her, not being able to be heard, she told me that when I was with my father, I was just like him. I hung up the phone. I am not my father nor will I ever be. And I know she said it to piss me off.

This is the second thing she has said to me that brings me *this close* to my boiling point with her. She is more like my father in that aspect because when she says thing that she KNOWS hurts me, she puts it on me as if I deserved it.

Right now I'm pissed. And since she won't listen to me, I'm going to address her issues here. I am NOT a victim to my father. Yes, I have forgiven him for what he has said and done to me in the past... what he said still fucking hurts and always will. I cannot forget those words. My sister pointed out that last time my father saw her he nagged her about her weight. While it hurts, it's superficial. The things my father has said to me go beyond weight and anything physical. While I won't list the lifetime of things he's done I'll list the main reason why I have decided to walk away from him.

When I was in the hospital giving birth- it was horrible. Not the birth of my son, but we were both sick. From the time I gave birth to about 6 weeks later, I was unable to eat. Nothing stayed down, not even water. My father sent me a fruit basket. When I finally had the strenght to call him MONTHS later, I was belittled and berated and told if I was that sick I should have called him. Maybe it's just me, but when I was fighting not only for my life, but for the life of my child, not able to eat or move with multiple surgeries in a few days, calling him was not on the list of things I was physically or mentally able to do. ESPECIALLY after he knew that my son was air lifted to a hosptial 2 hours away. A fruit basket? The lives of two people equate a fucking fruit basket?

But I forgave him for that. As much as it hurt me to, I let him back in my life.

When my half sister became ill from her breast cancer, my dad would drive from Flordia to Tennessee to spend days, weeks and months with her. When I was in the hospital dying, he didn't try and come see me. He didn't even call me, not once. He would make treks to see my half sister over the course of two years.

When my sister passed away from breast cancer, I flew down for the funeral. At the wake, my dad was sitting in the back room with the food crying. For a moment, I felt sorry for him. He looked so tired an old. I was about to reach over and hold him when he said, "Now you kids know if you ever need me, I'll be there."

And the knife twists a little further. I handed my dad an orange and went into the other room and cried.

For all of the times in my life when I needed him, he was NEVER there. Not even for the little things. There was a time I had no pads and he was too busy talking with his girlfriend that he refused to run to the store and get some. The Friday nights where he left my sister and I at the dance studio for 3-4 hours and so much more. I forgave all that...

But this... Even now, two years later, my heart breaks thinking about it.

I never expected my father (nor anyone) to be perfect. Not ever, but I thought that there would be respect. That statement proved to me that he DIDN'T care about us... well at least not me. Where was he when I was dying? When his grandchild was dying? Playing around on the internet to find some cheap ass fruit basket to send in leu of him being there. "Gee I'm sorry that you and your new baby are struggling for your lives. Enjoy the fruit!"

Yes it hurts. It hurts to know that the one person who is supposed to love you sees you in a second class- convienience only light, who views you as a burden not a bundle of joy who should recieve love.

Perhaps my sister is right, and I haven't forgiven him fully. Regardless, I've decided that he does NOT have to be a part of my life.

When I do talk to my dad, I don't answer personal questions, nor do I let him demean me. I do stand up for myself. But why would I keep someone in my life who constantly berates me? Who constantly criticizes me for everything I do and don't do? Someone who tells their child, after they accomplished a dream, that it wasn't good enough and not logical? The man who made my brother walk home in the middle of a Minnesota winter with no jacket, drove my sister home, then locked me in my room and lied to the police about it? The man who told me he was afraid of me...

Just because he got the pleasure (but none of the pain) in my creation, he should be in my life? No. This man is toxic to me and I do not have to have that in my life.

I don't owe him shit, because he's never given me shit. And I'm not talking monetary. I only give my unconditional love when it's returned in at least some small aspect.

This man was abusive. My sister never saw half of what I saw with him. He has treated her with at least some respect, to which I was never privy too.

I am too strong and too good of a person to allow to him to have any more power over me. Instead of "dealing with it and ignoring it" because he's my father. I've cut it off at the pass. As I said, I don't owe him shit, nor does he owe me shit. I don't have the time or energy to devote to a one sided relationship that in the end will only harm me.

When I was growing up, my dad would always say, "I'm not making you feel guilty, it's you that's doing it."

I think it works the same with regrets..

While there are two things in life I do regret (both dealing with death), I won't regret cutting him out of my life. We have no relationship and I don't have to sit around while he hurls insults because "that's just the way he is." I admit I can be narcassistic, but if I know I may hurt someone, I have the tact to think before I speak... and if I accidently hurt someone, know when to admit wrong doing.

If he died tomorrow, I don't think I'd attend his funeral. It's not something I'm proud of, it's fact. I don't want his money, I don't want his love, I just don't want him in my life.

The way he is made him lose a daughter that he never really wanted in the first place. I just don't see where it's a loss for either of us.

-Metal

Still alive.

Things in life were very interesting over the week. I can't get into too much detail here, but I wanted to let my reader, er, readers know that I am alive and well and still here.

I can blog about the fact that I just chopped 17 inches off my hair. Yeah. Interesting week that I'll have to get into some time later but for now I have to keep my mouth shut.

-Metal

Things I hate right now.

One of my Aunt's refuses to let anyone use the word "HATE" around her, lest we have to name two things we love. Well forget that. I'm tired and crabby and feel like going on a tirade.

With out further ado, things I hate right now in no particular order:

-I hate that I'm lonely.

-I hate that I haven't been laid in MONTHS.

-I hate when people shorten my name. Whatever I introduce myself as is what I want to be called. You can holler for me all you want, but there's a reason I'm not responding, because that's NOT MY NAME!

-I hate that I can't find my TV remote and end up having odd dreams involving Roseann Bar and The Infomercial guy.

-I hate that I wake up 4 times a night because the TV is on, but I'm not coherent enough to be able to turn it off.

-I hate that I've spent the entire fucking day painting.

-I hate that I tried to do a cool paint effect on the wall and it failed.

-I hate that I had to repaint in order to be able to live with it.

-I hate that my house is a fucking pigsty and that I didn't get to it because the 4 hour painting job turned into 12 fucking hours.

-I hate that I made my child cry after I went on a huge diatribe after I asked him to help with the laundry.

-I hate that my child thinks that "Mom's are supposed to do everything."

-I hate that my finger nails are covered in 8 layers of latex paint.

-I hate when people call me when I'm in the middle of doing something... but yet have nothing to say, literally. The phone is for talking. You called me SAY SOMETHING!

- I hate when people use FOOD STAMPS to buy milk for their cat.

- I hate when two motorcycles take up 3 parking spaces right in front of the store.

-I hate when old women throw a fit over $0.89 holding up the line.

-I hate that the person in line BEHIND me went in front of me and took for fucking ever.... when all I needed was that bag that's sitting behind the counter because the ass hat clerk didn't hand it to me when I left.

- I hate those bikini girls who gave me the evil eye for not going to their car wash when I was in their parking lot twice in one day. I'm not giving you $5 to wash my car when I can do it myself and have no idea what you're raising money for. Besides for that price, I better see nipple.

- I hate that I've bought 4 lighters in 3 days, and lost all of them.

- I hate that one of the lighters in the two pack didn't work from the moment I opened it.

- I hate that I haven't quit smoking yet.

-I hate that I lost my sunglasses.

-I hate that I have the heeby-jeebies after finding a just hatched spider egg sack on my clothes line.

-I hate that this moth is flying around my head and bothering me.

- I hate that all I've injested today was 2 Dr. Peppers, a bag of chips and 2 devil cakes (frozen)

-I hate that I smell like 3 day old ass from sweating my ass off.

-I hate hating so much right now.

Guess it's time to shower and hit the sack... If only I could find my TV remote. Argh.

-Metal

Just call me "Firestarter"

So those following along with my blogs over the last month or so know that I've had a series of fires around me over the course of about 5 weeks.

On April 25th-ish, there were the two house fires. A couple of weeks later, there was the fire in the kitchen at work.

Today at work, I was doing some computer training via the phone with someone in Spokane when my computer just died. I then noticed that half the lights in the office were out, and then heard a whole bunch of beeping. I told the woman on the other end of the phone that the computer went out. She then asked if the lights were out and it took me a few minutes to convince her that my computer was really out... Only about half our office was running. And it was all on battery power.

Break time. So I went outside with some coworkers as others around the office ran around. A few minutes later- the sirens and then, the fire department.

I couldn't contain my laughter- although I did tell my co-workers that was the last time I hit the "big red button"... that I swore it was going to say, "That was easy."

I'm not 100% clear as to why they came, but I think it had something to do with our server room "overheating". Although it really wasn't.

So folks, if you're counting that's 3 fire issues in 5 weeks (4 if you count the two houses individually).

In other news, work is going well and I really like the new job. The drive in the morning isn't bad as I don't hit traffic and don't have to fight my way through Hartford... which has the worst road system ever.

I do hit a little bit of traffic, but it's literally right around the corner from my office and doesn't set me back. It's only about 15 cars or so. No big deal.

Traffice on the way home is *slightly* worse as I have to deal with all the school buses, but I'm home a good 2 hours earlier than with my prior job. And the day flies by.

I leave work at 3:30, I take two breaks in the morning and eat lunch at 12:30 by the time I get done, I only have two and a half hours left before I leave.

Still in training there, but am supposed to go "live" next week. I'm looking forward to it as I generally learn better when I'm thrown into it. But we'll see how it goes next week.

-Metal

What do I know, I only work here.

Aside from the passing of my friend Earl, I have gotten a few text messages as well as a few other emails in regards to others passing. I do want to take a moment to send my love to all those who have lost over the last two weeks.

With that, on to the news.

I started my new job on Monday. I'm still not really clear on what I'm doing aside from taking calls about Business Loans for farmers, although it's more trouble shooting questions as far as I've seen. (I'm still scratching my head on that one. A city-rock-and-roll-to-the-core gal working for farmers? Yeah, no idea how that worked.)

The new job is really laid back, I can wear jeans and sneakers when ever I want. So perhaps tomorrow I'll wear a pair of jeans... or maybe not. We get donuts on Tuesdays and popcorn every day at 3 pm. I'm out of work and home by about 4:15-30ish. Which is super cool.

Anyway, not much to say other than I'm heading to bed. Getting up at the time I'm used to falling asleep is going to KILL me. Ick.

-Metal

A heart felt Thank You.

So I have to excuse myself from yesterday's diatribe. I was pissed I was accused of sinister plans when in all reality, I was only doing what I could to honor a friend.

Tonight was the funeral and my mom went in my place which meant the world to me. I talked to her before she left and she assured me she'd talk to Nancy and Aaron and do her best to touch base with a few others.

My mom told me she was pinning my picture on her shirt so that people knew I was there (and that she was representing me.) She called me after she left.

She said that Felicia was the first to find her and came over to her and gave her quite a few hugs and told her she was glad she made it in my place. My mom raved about how wonderful Felicia was.

She said she was also able to find Jendeen and again raved about how wonderful Jendeen was. She said they chatted for a while and Jendeen asked if she could hug my mother, which I found very touching.

My mom also talked with my other favorite people, Rhuby and Hater.

When my mom went to talk to Earl's wife and son, she said that his widow was very gracious and very honored that she went in my place. My mom mentioned that Aaron was so taken that he gave her not one but two massive bear hugs.

She then asked Nancy if she would allow my mom to put our pictures by Earl's Memory display and Nancy said she would be honored.

Not one person was upset that my mom went in my place, in fact, she said that every single person was grateful that she was there for me- many were touched.

There was one person there, that's no secret that we do not like each other at all. My mom ended up sitting in front of him for the service. She said he put her hand on her shoulder and she in turn placed hers on top.

For what ever differences we've had in the past he too understood that *we* were there for Earl, not for each other. The fact is had I been there, I would have done the same thing. Being there was not about he nor *I*, and in times of need such as this, we've always been able to set aside our differences for the time being. It's too bad that others aren't able to do the same.

But I digress, this post isn't about me, it's about the wonderful friends who understood the circumstances and reached out to my mother in my absence. I'm always amazed at my true friends who are beyond anything I could have hoped for... who in a bad situation were still willing to go the extra mile to not only help me, but to help show support for Earl.

And that, my friends is how Earl lived his life... no matter the cirumstances, help another. Not only am I blessed to have such great people in my life, the reason Earl was who he was is because he surrounded himself with people of a true spirit. People like Felicia, Hater, Rhuby, Jendeen and you.

So to all my friends, a sincere thank you.

-MetalRose

Cut the fucking drama already. (Long rant ahead)

It's been a long time since I've been this pissed.

As anyone on my friends list knows, my friend Earl passed away last Friday. Since then I have been trying to find tickets to get out to Minnesota to be at the funeral.

When I found out he passed I called my mom and asked her to keep an eye on the obits for me. We talked a little bit and she told me not to worry about coming home as she'd go to the funeral/wake for me.

I thanked her and told her that IF there was no way for me to get home, I'd take her up on it.. but I was going to look at flights until all my options were exhausted.

I've tried everything from looking at the airline websites to looking at 3rd party websites. I've looked at airports from Boston to NYC and in between, starting on Saturday of last week.

The average price for tickets I've found is about $1447 PER person. Since I'd have to bring Joey Sky with me, I'd be looking at close to $3000 which I cannot afford. The cheapest I found was $978 per person.

Wednesday night I sent a message to a couple of people and told them even though I was still trying it looked like 99% of my options were not do-able. I posted a message on a message board where I know a lot of the people there will be in attendance.

I noted that I wasn't able to make it home and that my mom would be going in my place and if anyone saw her to help direct her to the right people.

Of course I didn't get the "Sure I'll help" I got a piss ant nit-picky reply from someone who I thought was once a friend. This person called me a liar and said I was full of shit. That I was able to find a cheaper rate if I "tried harder" and looked at other options.

Needless to say, that fucking pissed me off. I thought that people were mature enought to put differences aside for a day or two. Regardless if this person wanted to help at all, it doesn't matter to me. By replying the way they did it shows what a total jack ass they are.

I asked a favor and kept it short and sweet as I don't think the world needed to know the reasons I wasn't able to make it out. I felt the more I wrote about why I was unable to make it out, the more they would sound like petty excuses.

I posted a message thanking this person for finding a good rate for me and asked to NOT turn that thread into a pissing match. The next message was from him again stating that it was do-able if I "tried harder".

Really? I'm being called out again? On what fucking account? I sent this person a private message explaining what I'd been doing over the last week and why going to NYC to fly out wasn't an option. Not that I had to do it, but I thought that perhaps he could understand where I was coming from and what I had been doing over the last week.

Then a couple of replies helping to direct me to cheaper rates.

Of course, I got another "call out message". Great. On what account this time? I was asked what my "motivation" for sending my mom out was when I had friends who could pass on the message. Why would I put her in an ackward situation? And why would I post a thread about my mom going instead of me?

Motiviation? Motivation? Moto-fucking-vation? Are you kidding me? There is no motivation behind my mom going to the funeral. Yes it'll be an ackward situation for her, but all fucking funerals are ackward. She offered to go if I couldn't be there. I didn't ask her, and I didn't ask my "peeps" because it's not their job to relay my condolences as an after thought. I can't be there, my mom is the next best thing.

I posted the thread so that my mom can get in contact with the right people- the ones I asked her to see so that they could be sent extra love from me. I have already sent my love in other ways to those people, but if my mom is insisting on going to the funeral in my place, those are the people I would seek out and give an extra hug to.

Is is wrong that my mom offered to go as an "agent'' for me?

My reply back to him was that he was being an ass and calling me out at every chance and that the bottom line was that I wasn't able to make it so my mom was representing me for the night. Plain and simple. Then I said I thought he was mature enough to put or differences aside for one evening to honor Earl.

Of course not, he thought I was full of shit and said it was his duty to call anyone out when he felt like it was necessary, being honest is being true, but to not worry, I "won" because he still didn't know my motive even after cheaper options were proven.

Seriously? THERE IS NO FUCKING MOTIVE.

I cannot make it out, my mom is going in my place. Would he throw this much of a piss fit if I was the one going? Most likely not.

I have literally exhausted all my options. In fact, I called Ryan earlier to see if I was able to get the flight he offered in another blog post. After talking with him for a good 30 minutes, that wasn't going to work either. Yes the price was right (and Tiffany offered to help with the air fare, bless her heart) but flying stand by wasn't an option.

So my message is crystal fucking clear to anyone else who wants to question my "motivation" for my mom going instead of me- here's the breakdown as to why there is no possible way I can make it out for Earl's funeral.

1. Tickets from Hartford, CT to Minneapolis are $1447 per person (x2= $2894 pre-tax & Charges)

2. Tickets from Boston, MA to Minneapolis are $766.50 per person (x2 = $1533 pre-tax & Charges)

3. Tickets from NYC to Minneapolis are $978 per person (x2 =$1956 pre-tax & Charges)

4. Tickets from White Plains, NY to Minneapolis are $268 per person (x2 = $536 pre-tax & Charges)

5. Flying stand by on a friends companion fare = $160 per person (x2 =$320 pre-tax & Charges)

Now the last two options are the best cost wise. HOWEVER they aren't do-able.

Getting to NYC with a child in tow at last minute is beyond stressful. Hell flying out of NYC alone is stress full. I've never flown out of White Plains NOR NYC as a starting point. Having never been to those airports ever, and then trying to either drive to them or use the trains isn't an option with a child.

Add at least 3 hours for travel time (on either end here) and the two hours that you are supposed to get there before the flight departs, and I've got a total of an addtional 8 hours- or 4 round trip flights back to Minnesota.

Getting to the airport is stressful enough, then adding not knowing where they are or how to get there AND having to account for someone else- is it hard to see why those aren't an option?

For the friend fare- I talked to Ryan and it is stand by. Although there are seats left on all the flights, there are 3 that go out. One at 8 am, one at 1pm and another at 6pm- ish.

After some of my co-workers requested the day off, my supervisor asked me if I was still planning on attending the funeral so he could tell them either way. Not knowing about the companion fare, I told him I was not going to make it to Minnesota.

Now I have to work tomorrow. Yes, I could say screw it and not go in, but that would not be a wise idea. Since tomorrow is my offical last day, and I told my super I wasn't going to need it off, we didn't fill out my final paperwork. If I don't go in and fill that out tomorrow, I won't get my last paycheck. I think any fucking person in this world would want their paycheck.

In order to get to the airport for the 1pm flight, I'd have to leave my office by 10 am- which would not give me enough time to fill out the final paper work and close up shop.

The 6pm flight wouldn't work either. The flight runs about 2 hours, Ryan checked the arrival time which was at 7:19. Barring any unforseen delays, by the time we got out of the airport and to the funeral, it would be over. Since that was the only reason I'd be going to Minnesota, that doesn't make a lot of sense now does it?

I really don't know what more this asshole wants from me. I have searched, contemplated, reviewed, analyzed and realistically looked at every possible senario for being able to attend Earl's funeral and I am not able to make any of them work.

Hell if it was slightly uncomfortable or a minor inconvenience, I'd be there in a heart beat. But it's boiled down to money (cost and paycheck) and the saftey/sanity of myself and my child- which I cannot possibly put on the line to please someone who thinks I'm lying.

So the motiviation for my mom going to the funeral? To represent me. Nothing more nothing less.

I'm sorry this person has his head so far up his ass he can't see beyond his own reality to understand that some things aren't cut and dry. And it really pisses me off that he feels he "needs to call out BS" in order to try and make me look small.

What's his motivation for "calling me out" what the fuck is he trying to prove? That I'm some how lying? What kind of pompus asshole decides to berate someone on a public message board AFTER I sent them a private message explaining why I was unable to make it out. Double douche bag points for then declaring it thier natural born right to call me out in front of everyone- when it's been proven he's the one being an ass.

Is there an option that is realistically (not just logically) feasible that I missed?

Why are his panties in such a bunch that my mom is going to the funeral in my place?

At this point, I'm kind of glad I won't be able to go. It makes me sick to my stomach that one person can't smell the shit under his own nose, but instead points to everyone else. It makes me furious to know that if I were there, my last memory of Earl would be tainted with this pompus asshole's self righteous accusations for something that was offered and accepted with only the best intentions.

This self entitled douche waffle better suck it up and deal with it because I'm not backing down for him or anyone else. My mom WILL be at the funeral in my place and she WILL make sure that my spirit is there through her. And if he wants to think that there's some other reason for her being there, well then I'll make sure she brings a tin foil hat just for him.

-MetalRose

My heart still breaks.

After spending so much time reading others thoughts on Earl, I still can't help but feel my heart break.

I'll be the first to admit that there were many others who were closer to him than I was, but when you befriend a legend who doesn't act like one, how do you know how to let it go? How do you let go of not only someone you admired and looked up to, but someone you called a friend?

It's finally hitting me today that he really is gone. I've been looking at getting flights out to Minnesota for the wake/ funeral, but again, my fiances won't allow it and I'm damn near in tears. The one last chance I have to say goodbye and I can't. I know that next time I'm in Minnesota, I'll have to stop by a few of his old haunting grounds to pay my respects to him.

It's amazing that one person touched the lives of so many people. Every single word I read about him has been nothing but positive words, "Legend. Hero, Metal God, Brother, Friend, Inspiration, Mentor" but the one that I've read in almost every single message is "I love you." I tried to keep track, but lost count. He never acted as if he was better than anyone, it was his humility that kept his so human.

Everyone knows Earl's in the after life raising some hell.

It's going to be really hard for me to see anyone associated with Earl and when I go back to Minnesota, the tears will start all over again. I only cry because I miss him, even in his sickness he still stayed in touch with me when he could... and I did my best to send him text messages telling him I loved him and missed him.

It's hard to lose someone who touched every single person he came in contact with. I knew Earl was a great person, but the more I read, the more I realize just how truly amazing he was. Almost every show I went to, he was there with a huge smile and a hug. When ever he was out, he always had a brave front and never showed how much pain he was in.

That's the only solace I have is knowing that he's not in pain anymore, and I cry because I'll miss him I know we all will.

If everyone even tried to be 1/100th the man that Earl was, this life would be so much easier. Even that is large shoes to fill.

Dammit, why did he have to go? The world shouldn't have to suffer the loss of such an incredible person...

We miss you Earl, I miss you. Be safe and rest if you have to. We promise we won't forget you, there's no way anyone could. Ever.

-MetalRose

I love you Earl. (A final goodbye)

Sometimes when your phone rings, you know it's not going to be good news.

Even though I left Minnesota, I still got text messages from friends and kept in contact with them.

I just got a call a few minutes ago, as soon as I saw the name, I knew exactly how the conversation was going to go before I even picked up the phone.

Earl Root (Aesma Daeva, Root of All Evil Radio show, Root Cellar Records) passed away last night. He was my brother and mentor in metal.

Even though he was struggling, he was a fighter and it was hard to hear the news. Even in his final days, I saw pictures of him smiling and laughing and surrounded by friends.

What do you say about a man who's heart is pure gold?

His band played in NYC not too long ago (even though his Dr's told him not to tour.) I didn't have enough gas or cash to make it down to New Haven to take the train... He offered to lend me some money so I could make it down to see him. And it breaks my heart that I literally couldn't afford to say goodbye.

He came to my going away party and said to me, "You'll be missed. You were a huge influence in this scene. I wish you didn't have to go... maybe we should kidnap you." Those words made me cry. I've always looked up to Earl, always admired him. He was strong and determined and truly loved by all.

Earl always had a smile and a hug for everyone. Every time I saw Earl, he was truly happy to see me too. I've never heard a bad word about him from anyone, nor have I ever heard Earl speak badly about any one else. When ever I went out to shows, Earl was always there. He was a true kind spirit.

He passed around 11:30 central time. Oddly enough, last night in my sleep I had a huge coughing fit and when I awoke, my mouth was filled with vomit. I looked at the clock and it read 12:29 (11:29 central time). I have no doubt that others will have similar stories. And no doubt that he'll be back to visit us. He'll be felt at shows and concerts and where ever a large group of his friends are gathered.

From what I was told he was surrounded by friends and family last night and held on until they left to pass. Perhaps it was his final test of strenght.

Earl- I've always loved and admired you. Not just for what you've done musically, but also personally. You were an amazing person and one day I can be lucky enough to follow in your lead to becoming a truly phenomenal person.

I bet a million dollars he's walking around the after life looking for Randy Rhoads, Dimebag and Criss Oliva trying to start a band.

Have a safe journey, visit often, but if you decide to stay and rest a while, watch over us and know that you will never be forgotten. I love you.

I only wish I would have had the chance to say goodbye...

A tribute to Earl.