Saying Goodbye to a personal idol.

Unless you've literally been living with the Masai tribe in Tanzania, you've heard that Michael Jackson passed away on June 25th, 2009.

It's no secret I'm a devot and die hard heavy metal fan, but I owe it all to Michael Jackson.

I was very young when I started listening to Michael Jackson, I was only about 4-5 years old when Thriller came out on tape. Yes, tape. I don't remember who or how or why I started listening to Michael Jackson, I just knew that he was my favorite singer.

I recall seeing a picture of Michael Jackson in the newspaper before I could even read... but I knew who it was. He was surrounded by a large group of police officers, and I asked my mom, "Why did he get arrested?" After her laughter subsided, she told me they were watching him for his protection.


When my mom told me that Michael Jackson was burned during a filming of a Pepsi commerical, I cried. She told me he'd be ok and I felt better, then again I was only 6. I had such hopes of marrying him one day, forget the 20 year age difference.

Over the years that followed, I remember dancing in my room to Billy Jean and putting on dance concerts with Thriller. I remember my mom taking us to the beach and I would bring my radio and turn it all the way up in the hot summer sun. In the 4th grade, I even went as Michael Jackson for Halloween. And among my collection of Jem Dolls, was my Michael Jackson Doll. The highlight of my weekends really were having Michael Jackson and Jem on the pink key-tar tape deck stage putting on their own shows. I'd alternate between Michael Jackson tapes and Jem tapes.


I was so enthralled by his owning Bubbles and his many exotic animals. Even back then I thought it was odd, but it was so rockstar at the time. Even back then, even being young, I knew that he was a so alone and misunderstood. A part of me felt so sad for him, he'd rather spend time with animals then with humans.


Right around the same time, my mom took the family to Disney. It was the same year that Captain EO was released. I'm not proud to say it, but I was a brat until I got to see "my'" Michael Jackson playing such a killer role on stage. I don't recall much of the movie other than a portion of my dream coming true... and my brother mumbling under his breath the whole time about wanting to leave. To this day I still have a figurine of Fuzzball.

Shortly thereafter, we got cable, and the launch of MTV- back when it played actual music. One of the first videos I saw was of Bon Jovi, or Poison, or Def Leppard... I saw men with long hair and leather pants wearing eyeliner, and yes the music was heavier, but not by much compared with the song Beat It. And considering that Eddie Van Halen was the mastermind behind the guitar riff, it's only logical that I drifted apart from the pop style music.

I followed Michael Jackson much into my Jr High years, but sadly keeping it in the dark. I wanted people to think I was too cool for Michael, but would secretly go home and put his albums on at least for a couple of years. My Jem and Michael Jackson Barbies went into storage, and my old kids tapes were replaced with the likes of Warrant in Jr. High then Alice in Chains by High School. Secretly, Michael held a special place in my heart.

Even in 1991, when I was 13, I recall watching the Dangerous video on the TV. Four years later, I couldn't help but sneak away and watch the Scream Video. Not very cool for a 17 year old die hard metal head... But my love for Michael Jackson far surpassed the uncool urges to supress him...

By the time I hit 25, I was over the whole metal only image, at least in part. I grew to accept my love affair with Michael Jackson and his music and even outting the fact he is responsible for my love of metal, if only in image. I posted it on message boards, talked about it frequently with friends, I had to give credit where credit was due. I even downloaded metal covers of his songs with such a love in my heart. I currently have Raintime's version of Beat It on my ipod.

Thursday, I was on the phone with my mom when her co-worker came in and told her Michael Jackson died. The only thing I could mutter was "No!" She then comforted me and told me to wait until it was confirmed. She tried getting online to see if any news reports could be found, but the internet was so slow, she couldn't get on. "Just wait to see if it's confirmed..." she kept whispering.

Fifteen minutes later her co-worker came in and confirmed it. My mom saw on the internet that the news story was updated 20 minutes ago... I was one of the first to learn of his passing. My mom could only say, "I'm so sorry..."

It's hard to say goodbye to someone who unknowingly shaped me into what I am and who I am. I spent all Friday night packing and listening to Michael Jackson on the radio. Even after 20 years (give or take) I could still remember all the words to his songs, and I too sang along.

It's sad that the younger generation missed out on the true Michael of the 1980's, not the Waco Jacko that is being shown now... Before all the crazy surgeries and allegations. It's sad that todays pop music is nothing more than regurgitated bullshit to be paraded around as good music. Michael was talented, he spanned not only race lines and gender lines, but age lines. It's a shame that there hasn't been another entertainer like that since Michael.

So Michael, it's a shame you never knew how much you meant to people while you were alive, but know that for how ever bad it got for you, you had people who stood by you, supported you, and cherished all that you were willing and able to share with us. I hope you are finally at piece with yourself, because you of all people deserved it.

-MetalRose

Multimedia message

-MetalRose

Born Free

When I started my new job just over a year ago, I had bright red hair that was half way down my back. During the interview I wore a wig.

Since I was hired wearing a wig, I've been wearing it every day since. Mostly because this is a small company and I see both the CEO and the SVP and other upper level managment on a daily basis. They all know that I wear a wig to cover my odd colored hair, but all understand I do it to show that I can look like I belong.

Now most people who've worn wigs are those have worn them only at Halloween. Those are poorly made and itchy and I wouldn't be able to wear them all day. Most of the time it's like wearing a hat. Granted there are days it bothers the day lights out of me... But most times it's so much easier to never have a bad hair day... and if I didn't get a chance to wash my hair on Monday after a weekend of not washing it, well no one would be the wiser. Just throw the wig on.

Sunday night I re-did my hair to a burgandy.* A "normal" color. Normally I shy away from doing that but because my hair was horribly faded and looked like shit, I had to re-do it. I could've gone green like I planned, but with my sisters up comming wedding... It made more sense to do a natural shade and then play with it in a few weeks when I get back home.

Monday, I came into work wigless. My co-workers about dropped their coffee. The reaction was great and I've gotten a lot of compliments on my hair color.

It just feels really odd to be at work with out a wig. I feel almost naked and my head feels very light. It's just odd.

Morning duties, shower, get dressed, put hair in a pony tail, put on wig cap, put on make up, brush teeth, put on wig, pin in place, leave. Now, it's shower, get dressed, put on make up brush teeth leave. Not that putting on the wig takes a long time, but it does take about 5-10 minutes.

I kind of like not having my fake hair on... but I think I like coloring it more.

-Metal

*Yes, I do color my own hair and have for the last 4 years or so. To get the color I have I used 5RV and a 7IR, I mixed 1/3 5RV with 2/3 7IR with a 20 developer.

Multimedia message

I won the silly string fight this round!
-MetalRose

The house of dreams into the house of nightmares.

I've been looking at getting out of my white trash neighborhood for a while now.... and after the bullshit my neighbors pulled a couple of nights ago, I'm done.

When we first started looking at houses, I found one that was awesome. It was built in the late 1800's and added on in 1930's. Well kept, move in ready, beautiful. We worked on the deal, but the seller was being a total asshole about it. We asked them to leave the washer/dryer and they argued with us about $1000 for them. I told them to shove the $1000...

Anyway, the Friday before memorial day, we were sending the ernest money and I talked with the real estate agent and there were no other offers. Feeling secure, we went about the weekend.

Tuesday I got a call from my mom and we lost the house. Someone had come in and looked at the house on Sunday and by Monday they had put in their offer and earnest money. I was shocked. We had an agreement. Not happy, I called our real estate agent and asked what happened. Apparently it was a "good ol' boys club" thing. And the reason the seller was jerking us around was because of the person hemming and hawing about wanting to buy the house. If they planned on selling it to her, they shouldn't have put it on the market. The girl that bought the house was the daughter of the guy that did all the work on it. The priced it low so she could buy it, not for the average market. Douche waffles.

Last night we looked at and fell in love with another house. It was a gorgeous 3 bed, 2 bath with massive rooms and the price was right. It's out of the neighborhood I'm in and it had the coolest bathroom I've ever seen.... The repair work was minimal. Repair the two hardwood floors in the upstairs bedrooms, spackle the cracks in the roof, trim some of the windows and doors, and do a nice cleaning of all the cobwebs in the house.

So I discussed it with my folks and my mom suggested that I call the police department to see if I can get information on that area as it is still close to where I live. We drove around the area and it seemed to be a nice neighborhood.

Today I did a search for the address and it turns out that there was a shooting (an near murder) and an attempted sexual assult in that house. Ugh. I won't get into details, but the owner of the house had a drinking buddy who worked with one of the roommates living there. Drinking buddy was fired for drinking too much, got pissed and tried to shoot coworker and rape the other roommate just because, well he was drunk and she was there.

It sounds like he was there hanging out with Owner of said house and then lost it.

Now, houses and apartments and such have violence in almost every neighborhood. However, I'm trying to get out of it, not right in the pit of it. The guy was sentenced to 25 years in prision, however, I'm concerned that if he gets out early for good behavior, would he come to the house looking for the people that put him in jail? Considering the temper, I bet he would.

I don't know if I could put a restraining order on the house, or if there is anything I could do to protect us should we stay there... Or is it even worth worrying about all the time. Or if I'm worrying unnecessarly.

I'd like to go back to the house and check it out by myself sometime. Leave the kiddo at home and leave the agent at the door. I didn't see any woman's things in the house, and the main bedroom smelled "man"...

But all that happened there certianly explained the new carpeting through out the entire house. Is new carpet worth my piece of mind though?

Sometimes I hate my googling abilities.

-MetalRose