Those Pancakes were fucking Delicious.

Saturday came all too early. Sleeping in would have been great, but my son had a birthday party to go to and I had an hour drive to pick him up, and an hour drive back. *sigh*

So I throw on my gym clothes and head out to pick him up. Of course I was late and hadn't picked up a birthday gift yet. *Sigh* My son got the the party about an hour late and I hit the gym. After working on some cardio for about an hour, I went to my locker to head out to get Joey Sky after the party. As I unlocked it, he called and wanted to spend the night.

So I went back downstairs to work out some more. Later, I dropped off some clothes for him and did a little bit of shopping for a pair of work out shoes (read tennis shoes- ick) and a gym bag.

The rest of the night, well I had no idea what to do. I started to clean again in case Stripper called to come over for some pancakes. I thought about hitting a movie, but nothing was out that interested me. Then I thought about seeing what was playing for live music around, but never got that far. I ended up vegging in front of the TV for a while and then crashing out fairly early.

Sunday rolled around and I kept up the cleaning. I cranked some Volbeat and the new Mercenary... The pancake call never came, and I wasn't suprised in the least... as I found out that Stripper, was in fact also a drummer.

-MetalRose

Lyric of the day: Choose to find salvation in the sorrow / I hope to see you laughing (Mercenary ~ Isolation [Lonliness in December])

I smell like stripper.

Tonight, my cousin had her bachelorette party. Since she lives only a mile or so from me I offered to pick her up. My cousin is watching Joey Sky, but she lives an hour away. So at 4, I left work to get him there in time.

I got home around 5, showered and was out by 6pm, to my cousins and back home by around 7:30 which I told my cousin I'd pick her up between 7 and 7:30. I got to her place just after 7:30. I got out of my car and went to get her, and use the bathroom.

After I got out of the bathroom, it dawned on me, I had no idea where my car keys were. Shit, so I checked my pockets and all over her place. Nope, of course I left them in my car. *Sigh* So we took her car to my place since there was a lock box there (here) that I had the combo to.
I walk in the door and go to get my extra set of keys and shit... nothing. The entire lock box is gone. FUCK. So I walk down my place thinking of ways to break in but instead feel like I should try the door.

Thankfully, I had asked my son to run back inside and grab something and he left the door unlocked! SCORE! So I grab my extra set of keys and we head back to my cousin's place and get my car.

While at the party, apparently her neighbors complained about the noise and sent the cops over. Of course, it was the oldest trick in the book which she fell for. We had hired a male stripper. The guy was pretty fucking hot and he was so much fun. He ended up hanging out for quite a while after and just drinking and bsing with us all.

I had mentioned that I make a mean pancake and the stripper took my number and promised to be at my place on Sunday for pancakes. As the night wore on, my cousin and I headed back to my place and the stipper called. They were at a bar down the street from my place and we decided to head out to meet them.

With in 20 minutes they were gone as it was last call, but he promised he was still on for pancakes on Sunday. Riiiiiiggght. Regardless, I'm freaking tired, the party was a blast, and I have to make sure I have enough for pancakes if they decide to call.

-Metal.

Not so bright ideas, a quick reference guide by MetalRose

Things that aren’t so bright.

1. When going to the gym wearing tight fitting light gray pants isn’t a bright idea. When you sweat in certain areas, it looks as if you wet yourself. Double bad idea for ladies during a special time of the month.

2. It’s not a bright idea, after dying your hair, while still wet, to remove your latex gloves and then continue playing with your hair.

3. When dying your hair and getting hair dye all over, it’s not a bright idea to use rubbing alcholol around your mouth and nose area.

4. It’s even less of a bright idea to continue doing it while coughing so much you nearly gag.

5. I also found out, I mean, it’s not a good idea to hit the treadmill with your iPod on full blast only to think you can let a silent one out. Just because you can’t hear it doesn’t mean the hot guy on the treadmill next to you won’t.

6. Its not a good idea to do the above while wearing light clothes making you look like you urinated all over yourself.

Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything, just thought I’d sent out a friendly reminder to y’all.

-MetalRose

Can we be done with this shit now? (Racially charged and long)

DISCLAIMER: This only applies to a certian minorty/ majority of people. I am not classifying a certain race as all being this way.

I just read an article on MSNBC talking about the cover of Vogue Magazine. I think the author had the right idea, but I’m still annoyed.
Read the Article here
(Cover for the magazine at right)

From what I understand there is an outcry of racism directed at the "black" man and his stance and pose on the cover. What I read there is an uproar in the "black" community about it being racist, portraying all "black" men as being aggressive.

Seriously, WTF? Here is what I see portrayed on this cover: A basketball player running full court and holding onto a woman as he does it. To me the image shows balance. I am more annoyed at the portrayl of the supermodel stereotype... but whatever. I’m not offended by this cover at all.

From what I read, apparently the "black" community thinks that this is racist because it "depicts an image similar to King Kong". Uh, what? Can someone fill me in on what I missed?
I’ll be the first person to admit that I don’t see in color. In fact I was once given grief at work because I explained the process of a tattoo to a co-worker as "similar to a sunburn". She looked at me and said, "I’m black." My response, "Ok..." Hers, "I don’t get sunburned." Ah, duh to me. I really don’t see in color at all. I don’t use people’s skin color to describe them in anyway shape or form, I just never have, save for one time when I was describing someone to the police after a break in.

I don’t care what race color creed people are, but I guess I’m in the minority on that one.
Look, I’m goin to spell this out once and once only. I understand that there was a great deal of hostility towards certian races. It’s been going on for YEARS and YEARS... and not just to one race. If you look back at history, every single race, creed and religion has been discriminated against.

My heritage: Irish, Polish, French, German, and a little Native American.

Black Slavery: 1619-1865

Irish people were slaves between 1649 until 1839.

Polish: As late as 2006 Polish people were kept as slaves in Italy.

French: Were imprisioned and sent to the new colonies as slaves, and also took in slaves to their

country.

German: Well, I can’t justify anything for this one.

Native American: Had land stolen, culture destroyed, were raped, murdered, impregnanted, outcast. I could continue on...

Black voting rights in the US: Passed by Congress February 26, 1869, and ratified February 3, 1870, the 15th amendment granted non white men the right to vote. AND Voting Rights Act of 1965 granted blacks to vote.

Women’s voting rights in the US: Women: 1920 in the 19th Amendment of the US constitution.

(Yes, you read that right, BLACKS could vote before women!)

Native Americans were granted the right to vote in 1924.

As of todays date, women only earn between 70-80 cents per every dollar that men make.

Now I’m not trivializing what happened to the other races of slaves, but they seem to think that they were the only ones who suffered. My people suffered too. I rarely hear of other people running around blaming other nationalites that they were enslaved by. I don’t blame Italy for enslaving my polish "brothers and sisters" nor do I blame the English for the suffering of my Native American ancestors.

It’s a part of history, ugly history. And unless you can prove to me that MY ancestors were part of your slave trade process, then quit blaming me personally. What more do you want? I’m sorry you were slaves, but I’m also sorry that my people were slaves too.

Also,I live in the NORTHERN US- The majority of slavery was in the south. I can trace all of my ancestors to immigrating here in the north, almost proving that MY personal family NEVER owned slaves. So I don’t owe you shit. Period. When my aunt was a little girl in the 1950’s she was kicked off the school bus because she was getting off at the "colored" bus stop. When my grandfather got the phone call he marched down the school and made a big stink about her punishment and said that he supported her and if it was closer to her house, she could and should get off at that stop and he didn’t care what color the other kids were that used that stop.
I guess I’m just sick of people like Sharpton, Jackson (not you Jackson) and the likes of others claiming racism for every single thing.

One day at work, I was called a "cracker" by two ladies who were so shady I that I refused a policy to them. I didn’t refuse them the policy because they were a different color than I was, I refused them because they couldn’t tell me who was going to be on the policy... They kept changing who the policy was for, at first it was for the sister, then the mother, then the other sister, then the mother again, then the boyfriend... Nope, no dice.

They left the office running a string of cracker this, honkey that. Me, racist? No, did I refuse the policy because of the color of your skin? Not in the least, did I ever once utter anything about anyone as a person? Nope. No, I’m not racist, I would have done the same thing for anyone else that tried the same thing. In fact if they had been in an hour earlier, they would have witnessed me refusing an auto policy to someone who reeked of booze so badly, I could smell it in my office an hour later. He was the same color as I am...

The other day I read something on Imus... On how it made the basketball team look bad and not him. I’m so sick of the small majority of a certian race always using the race discrimination card. Being a certian color doesn’t entitle you to shit and if you’re acting like an asshole, you’re an asshole. I didn’t call you a bitch because you’re "black" I called you a bitch because you’re a race entitlement whore.

The world doesn’t owe you shit because of your history. It’s not everyone else making you look bad, it’s you. Get off your asses and empower yourself. Quit thinking the world owes you shit, because if we all thought that way, then nothing would ever get done.

It’s not everyone else making you look bad, you’re doing a mighty fine job of it all on your own.

Or am I not allowed to have an opinion on racism because I'm white?

-MetalRose

When life gives you lemons you end up feeling loved

Life has been so chaotic for me these last few weeks. It seems like when I get my footing, I'm thrown into something new. That has never bothered me at all. But over the last couple weeks, I've been getting emails, phone calls, text messages from my friends. Most of them were out of the blue, they had no idea that my relationship had just ended, but they knew I needed to hear from them.

It's amazing that when I don't feel loved, every one else feels it and makes sure they know that I am. It's such an amazing feeling and I consider myself so lucky.
On the downside, I've been neglecting my friends as well. Please believe that I don't mean to. I try to respond and relpy to all emails and texts and private messages, but with how much is going on in my life, I end up getting side tracked.

Please don't take it personally if I didn't or don't respond. I really have the best intentions to, but then end up getting laundry, doing the dishes, etc and just space it.

I'm still trying to regain my footing, and although it was triggered by the end of a great thing, it's not the cause. If that makes any sense at all... I'm just really scatterbrained right now and to be honest, with everything going on in my head, I couldn't even tell you what I did earlier this morning.

I love chaos, I thrive on it... but this is even a little much for me. I've gone into "selfish" mode and am trying to focus on what I need to do over the next few weeks.

I've joined a gym on Saturday and have gone twice already. It feels so good. It's a time for just me where I can escape everything and my brain goes into shutdown mode. I don't think about anything- job, studying the only thing I concentrate on is my breathing. I worked out for over an hour tonight and could have gone all night if I didn't look at the clock. I don't suppose it hurt that I had my iPod and was jamming out to the likes of Dimmu Borgir and Mercenary. Nothing gets me going like a good tune.

I'm not at the gym to lose weight, I'm going to quit smoking. I'm giving myself to the end of April. And if I do end up gaining weight, I'm not going to stress... I've also changed my eating habits again. I got tired of the junk again...

Just to reitterate- Life is chaotic and if I don't respond to an email, text, phone call, or other messages please please please know that I am NOT ignoring you in fact all of the above things are really making me smile lately. Just know that I had every intention of replying back, but got side tracked, I just cannot focus on any one thing right now.

Just know that I do love you all, I am truly lucky to have so many amazing friends in my life. I just can't focus right now because I'm so focused on other things.

With that being said, I'm off to change the laudry over, do the dishes, take a shower, edit a letter for a friend....

-Metal

And another one walks away.

So D and I had been seeing each other for about 5-6 months. I really really really liked this guy. More so than anyone else in a long time. I wasn’t neurotic about where he was when I didn’t talk to him. When we did talk, we’d spend hours on the phone. We always had a great time in person.

Last night I get a phone call from D. I was doing laundry in the basement and missed it. So I got a text message, "We need to talk." Fuck. That’s never a good sign. There was a part of me hoping that it was something other than we shouldn’t date anymore.

Of course, with how my luck is lately, it wasn’t. It caught me off guard as we both really liked each other and were more or less on the same page. Sure we had a few issues with getting together, but it wasn’t for my lack of trying.

It just sucks to know that yet another person who I liked had decided that I’m not worth fighting for. It’s hard knowing that we had such a great connection and he’s walking away from it.

I understand he’s got baggage, we all do, but he didn’t give me a choice to walk with him through it... Perhaps my problem is that I’m too strong. Perhaps I push men away because they can’t be my night in shining armor. Maybe it’s not that they aren’t fighting for me, but that I’m not fighting for them either.

It’s not that I don’t want to fight sometimes, it’s just that I don’t want to seem desparate or needy. Because I’m not, and maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I’m too strong.

It’s not hard to see why I’ve lost hope. Every time I try and open myself up,

I’m just suprised because a week ago, I was getting text messages like, "Thinking of you" etc. and we had talked about plans of heading to NYC, France, Europe... Granted foriegn travel were more of a wouldn’t it be fun? thing... but we had things we talked about.

He never came and asked me what I wanted, only assumed. And the thing that sucks is now I don’t have a person that I can turn to and bounce things off. He opened my eyes in so many ways and I never felt like I had to change to be with him.

I’m just floored, hurt, upset. There was a part of me that saw this comming, because I didn’t hear from him much this week. I just wanted to be given the choice to stand by him.

The main issue was time. Granted we live a ways apart, but in the scope of things, time shouldn’t be an issue. Especially when I tried to get together more, but didn’t want to push because of where he "is". It’s hard to think that because of time that something that could have had the potential to be totally amazing has to end.

I wasn’t in love with him, but had he given me the time, I could have really fallen for him. It’s hard to be almost 30 years old, and still be single. And not only single, but to have it in the back of your head that not one single person you’ve dated has found you good enough to even ask you to spend the rest of your life with them.

It really really really fucking hurts when every single man in your life, including your father has just walked away with out a fight. How can something like that not affect you as a person? Let me tell you it does. And with each new person that gives up, it only gets worse and hurts more than the previous one.

You can only be told "It’s not you, it’s me" so many times before you start thinking that it really is you. There are people around me that are so much more fucked up than I am that are in relationships, they are less attractive, less intelligent... It’s so hard to know that I really am a great person, but no one else see’s that... at least not enough to fight for. I sometimes wonder how other people manage to get and stay in relationships and how I’m constantly left alone.

Fuck. And people wonder why I’ve lost hope... because it’s so fucking hard to hold on to. For the 14 or so years I’ve been dating, not one single person has found me worth holding on to. Not one.

Tell me, wouldn’t that fuck you up too?