10.31.2009
10.30.2009
10.26.2009
10.01.2009
An Open Letter to the Man who Created me.
*A little back story. I chose to walk away from my father quite a few years ago. I won't get into the reasons now. He emailed me on my birthday and said he was sorry I had so much anger and that I should figure it out before he dies. It was very passive agressive and a finger pointing. So I had to email him this. Those of you who know me, know I'm very guarded with my deepest and rawest emotions. Here's a very raw side of me that little if any get to see, but I feel I have to expose it for the whole world... Good bad or indifferent.*
[Redacted],
I don't have any anger towards you what so ever. In fact I'm very apathetic towards you.
Over the last 30+ years you have done things and said things to hurt me. The worst started when I got pregnant. When I wanted to speak to you, you were unwilling to listen to me. I was either informed that you were X years old and not going to change or I couldn't guilt you into things. I was treated as a pest rather than the adult I came to you as.
I log ago accepted that you are getting older, and long ago accepted that you wouldn't change. So instead of allowing you to hurt me, I chose to exclude you from my life. A choice I feel was the right thing to do as you have made not even a slight attempt to contact me over the last few years.
I think that perhaps you need to take a look at your life and find out why you have chosen to treat me the way you have.
I won't get into the blame game, but I can certianly site examples that literally ripped my heart out and then was expected to treat you with respect only because you are my father- no other reason.
The way I see it, if I can't be treated with basic human kindness, then I will not have that person in my life.
As it stands now, if you passed on tomorrow, I would not attend your funeral, because I just don't care. I don't have hate for you. I don't have love for you.
I think perhaps you need to look at how you've treated me in the past to see why I feel that way. If you are not able or willing to figure it out, or ask me, then I will have no regrets on the choice I made to exclude you from my life.
However, if you'd like to start a relationship back up, then the ball is in your court, but you need to be aware that I am very fragile and in order to restore a "proper" father daughter relationship I'll need quite a bit of time.
As it stands, you owe me and provide me nothing as a father, and I owe you nothing and provide you nothing as a daughter. I've washed my hands of this and accepted that I cannot change you.
[Redacted],
I don't have any anger towards you what so ever. In fact I'm very apathetic towards you.
Over the last 30+ years you have done things and said things to hurt me. The worst started when I got pregnant. When I wanted to speak to you, you were unwilling to listen to me. I was either informed that you were X years old and not going to change or I couldn't guilt you into things. I was treated as a pest rather than the adult I came to you as.
I log ago accepted that you are getting older, and long ago accepted that you wouldn't change. So instead of allowing you to hurt me, I chose to exclude you from my life. A choice I feel was the right thing to do as you have made not even a slight attempt to contact me over the last few years.
I think that perhaps you need to take a look at your life and find out why you have chosen to treat me the way you have.
I won't get into the blame game, but I can certianly site examples that literally ripped my heart out and then was expected to treat you with respect only because you are my father- no other reason.
The way I see it, if I can't be treated with basic human kindness, then I will not have that person in my life.
As it stands now, if you passed on tomorrow, I would not attend your funeral, because I just don't care. I don't have hate for you. I don't have love for you.
I think perhaps you need to look at how you've treated me in the past to see why I feel that way. If you are not able or willing to figure it out, or ask me, then I will have no regrets on the choice I made to exclude you from my life.
However, if you'd like to start a relationship back up, then the ball is in your court, but you need to be aware that I am very fragile and in order to restore a "proper" father daughter relationship I'll need quite a bit of time.
As it stands, you owe me and provide me nothing as a father, and I owe you nothing and provide you nothing as a daughter. I've washed my hands of this and accepted that I cannot change you.
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