Life has been so chaotic for me these last few weeks. It seems like when I get my footing, I'm thrown into something new. That has never bothered me at all. But over the last couple weeks, I've been getting emails, phone calls, text messages from my friends. Most of them were out of the blue, they had no idea that my relationship had just ended, but they knew I needed to hear from them.
It's amazing that when I don't feel loved, every one else feels it and makes sure they know that I am. It's such an amazing feeling and I consider myself so lucky.
On the downside, I've been neglecting my friends as well. Please believe that I don't mean to. I try to respond and relpy to all emails and texts and private messages, but with how much is going on in my life, I end up getting side tracked.
Please don't take it personally if I didn't or don't respond. I really have the best intentions to, but then end up getting laundry, doing the dishes, etc and just space it.
I'm still trying to regain my footing, and although it was triggered by the end of a great thing, it's not the cause. If that makes any sense at all... I'm just really scatterbrained right now and to be honest, with everything going on in my head, I couldn't even tell you what I did earlier this morning.
I love chaos, I thrive on it... but this is even a little much for me. I've gone into "selfish" mode and am trying to focus on what I need to do over the next few weeks.
I've joined a gym on Saturday and have gone twice already. It feels so good. It's a time for just me where I can escape everything and my brain goes into shutdown mode. I don't think about anything- job, studying the only thing I concentrate on is my breathing. I worked out for over an hour tonight and could have gone all night if I didn't look at the clock. I don't suppose it hurt that I had my iPod and was jamming out to the likes of Dimmu Borgir and Mercenary. Nothing gets me going like a good tune.
I'm not at the gym to lose weight, I'm going to quit smoking. I'm giving myself to the end of April. And if I do end up gaining weight, I'm not going to stress... I've also changed my eating habits again. I got tired of the junk again...
Just to reitterate- Life is chaotic and if I don't respond to an email, text, phone call, or other messages please please please know that I am NOT ignoring you in fact all of the above things are really making me smile lately. Just know that I had every intention of replying back, but got side tracked, I just cannot focus on any one thing right now.
Just know that I do love you all, I am truly lucky to have so many amazing friends in my life. I just can't focus right now because I'm so focused on other things.
With that being said, I'm off to change the laudry over, do the dishes, take a shower, edit a letter for a friend....
-Metal
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