Saying Goodbye to a personal idol.

Unless you've literally been living with the Masai tribe in Tanzania, you've heard that Michael Jackson passed away on June 25th, 2009.

It's no secret I'm a devot and die hard heavy metal fan, but I owe it all to Michael Jackson.

I was very young when I started listening to Michael Jackson, I was only about 4-5 years old when Thriller came out on tape. Yes, tape. I don't remember who or how or why I started listening to Michael Jackson, I just knew that he was my favorite singer.

I recall seeing a picture of Michael Jackson in the newspaper before I could even read... but I knew who it was. He was surrounded by a large group of police officers, and I asked my mom, "Why did he get arrested?" After her laughter subsided, she told me they were watching him for his protection.


When my mom told me that Michael Jackson was burned during a filming of a Pepsi commerical, I cried. She told me he'd be ok and I felt better, then again I was only 6. I had such hopes of marrying him one day, forget the 20 year age difference.

Over the years that followed, I remember dancing in my room to Billy Jean and putting on dance concerts with Thriller. I remember my mom taking us to the beach and I would bring my radio and turn it all the way up in the hot summer sun. In the 4th grade, I even went as Michael Jackson for Halloween. And among my collection of Jem Dolls, was my Michael Jackson Doll. The highlight of my weekends really were having Michael Jackson and Jem on the pink key-tar tape deck stage putting on their own shows. I'd alternate between Michael Jackson tapes and Jem tapes.


I was so enthralled by his owning Bubbles and his many exotic animals. Even back then I thought it was odd, but it was so rockstar at the time. Even back then, even being young, I knew that he was a so alone and misunderstood. A part of me felt so sad for him, he'd rather spend time with animals then with humans.


Right around the same time, my mom took the family to Disney. It was the same year that Captain EO was released. I'm not proud to say it, but I was a brat until I got to see "my'" Michael Jackson playing such a killer role on stage. I don't recall much of the movie other than a portion of my dream coming true... and my brother mumbling under his breath the whole time about wanting to leave. To this day I still have a figurine of Fuzzball.

Shortly thereafter, we got cable, and the launch of MTV- back when it played actual music. One of the first videos I saw was of Bon Jovi, or Poison, or Def Leppard... I saw men with long hair and leather pants wearing eyeliner, and yes the music was heavier, but not by much compared with the song Beat It. And considering that Eddie Van Halen was the mastermind behind the guitar riff, it's only logical that I drifted apart from the pop style music.

I followed Michael Jackson much into my Jr High years, but sadly keeping it in the dark. I wanted people to think I was too cool for Michael, but would secretly go home and put his albums on at least for a couple of years. My Jem and Michael Jackson Barbies went into storage, and my old kids tapes were replaced with the likes of Warrant in Jr. High then Alice in Chains by High School. Secretly, Michael held a special place in my heart.

Even in 1991, when I was 13, I recall watching the Dangerous video on the TV. Four years later, I couldn't help but sneak away and watch the Scream Video. Not very cool for a 17 year old die hard metal head... But my love for Michael Jackson far surpassed the uncool urges to supress him...

By the time I hit 25, I was over the whole metal only image, at least in part. I grew to accept my love affair with Michael Jackson and his music and even outting the fact he is responsible for my love of metal, if only in image. I posted it on message boards, talked about it frequently with friends, I had to give credit where credit was due. I even downloaded metal covers of his songs with such a love in my heart. I currently have Raintime's version of Beat It on my ipod.

Thursday, I was on the phone with my mom when her co-worker came in and told her Michael Jackson died. The only thing I could mutter was "No!" She then comforted me and told me to wait until it was confirmed. She tried getting online to see if any news reports could be found, but the internet was so slow, she couldn't get on. "Just wait to see if it's confirmed..." she kept whispering.

Fifteen minutes later her co-worker came in and confirmed it. My mom saw on the internet that the news story was updated 20 minutes ago... I was one of the first to learn of his passing. My mom could only say, "I'm so sorry..."

It's hard to say goodbye to someone who unknowingly shaped me into what I am and who I am. I spent all Friday night packing and listening to Michael Jackson on the radio. Even after 20 years (give or take) I could still remember all the words to his songs, and I too sang along.

It's sad that the younger generation missed out on the true Michael of the 1980's, not the Waco Jacko that is being shown now... Before all the crazy surgeries and allegations. It's sad that todays pop music is nothing more than regurgitated bullshit to be paraded around as good music. Michael was talented, he spanned not only race lines and gender lines, but age lines. It's a shame that there hasn't been another entertainer like that since Michael.

So Michael, it's a shame you never knew how much you meant to people while you were alive, but know that for how ever bad it got for you, you had people who stood by you, supported you, and cherished all that you were willing and able to share with us. I hope you are finally at piece with yourself, because you of all people deserved it.

-MetalRose