My year in Review 2007 (long)

So I’m a little late on this, but oh well.

This has been a very odd year for me... So much has happened, and yet I feel as chaotic as ever.
A lot of things really sunk in. As much as I missed Minnesota and all my friends there at the one year mark, I realized there is no turning back. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I also learned that I have to move on and sometimes looking back should only be for the memories, not for the "what if’s".

I dated a lot over the course of the year as well. Mostly men with D names... although there was a C in there as well. In this last year I had two significant relationships. The one with C, well, was interesting and short. I’m glad it didn’t go farther than what it did, or I would have not been happy very long.

The other relationship with D, well, I can’t say anything bad about him, honestly. He was an amazing person who I really respected and care(d) for. While I still am left a little dumbfounded on why it all happened, I don’t have a mean thought or a bad word for him. He did what he felt was best and as much as it tugged at my heart strings, I have to respect it. Yes, I understand he could have been lying to me, but I don’t think so. For the first time ever, I think he was telling the truth... and if he wasn’t, well, I have to believe that he was for my own sake. (Even if all my friends asked out loud, "Does he have any idea what he is walking away from?" My honest reply, "I just don't know.")

This is also the year that I’ve been on my own as far as living arrangements. It’s been very interesting and sometimes it bogged me down. It’s great to have accomplished that, even if my 3rd floor neighbors are total asses and we’re now on the second management company.

Health wise- Very interesting year again... Everything from the color changing mole, to the NYC incident, to passing out at work, to the kidney stones/ reptured ovarian cyst. Looking at all those now, just wow. Seems like every few months I had something major that happened and all of them landed me in the ER.

The one thing I want to change for this year is to get out more. I realized that over the last year, I’d become a bit of a hermit. I let life get to me more than I should have. Mostly because I don’t have a lot of extra cash, not even for the movies... and if I go out, I have to pay a sitter which usually adds about $40 to whatever I’m doing. Which gets expensive. Although now, I’m trying to "take advantage" of my family as I was given a bit of an earfull about not ever calling them to watch Joey Sky. The other part is that I feel guilty. I don’t have a lot of cash to do things with him and I feel like a horrible mother for going out and spending a few bucks on just me. But with my raise coming up next week, I should have a *tad* bit more money for the both of us.

On the other hand, when I did get a chance to get out, I really relished it all. I spent time in NYC with Crystal, Rich, Ben and Christina over the summer. It’s amazing that when I let myself be a kid and be free, what can happen in my life and how much I really enjoy those moments with people.

There was also weddings and ProgPower. Which this year was my best ever. It was the weekend after my birthday (this year, the weekend before!) It was fairly drama free, but damn it goes by so fast...

So, not too much else, other than I still feel a little lost. I’ve done so much this last year and I don’t really know where I want to go... and that scares me a little bit. I don’t know where I want life to take me as for the most part, I had a really good year... Even if I did get hurt here and there.

I just need to find some direction... When I went out with J six months ago, we talked about that... and I thought for sure I’d know by now. I guess not. And that worries me. Although I love chaos and am not one for plans, I don’t know if I can just drift because then I have no footing at all.

I feel like I have so much on my shoulders right now, but I can't figure out what they are. I guess all I can do is move forward and onward and maybe start with the small things. But oh, which small thing to work on first? Work, health, relationships...

-MetalRose