BLINKERS/ TURN SIGNALS
Let me start out by saying, I am NOT a psychic. Sure I might have some special 6th sense abilities, however I cannot read minds. Just because you know where you are going does not mean that I do. Blinkers signal where you INTEND to go, not where you have already been. This is especially important in the following scenarios:
- When you are parallel parked on the side of the road and intend on merging into traffic, it's a good idea to use your blinker. I'm nice and would have stopped to let you in, but pulling out while my front bumper is at your drivers door and then honking isn't going to do any good. I had no idea you wanted to get into traffic because I didn't see your BLINKER.
- When turning onto a side street, it's best to use your blinker BEFORE you intend on turning. NOT half way through the turn. At that point, I don't need to be psychic to see that you are turning. Blinkers are there to signal INTENT not, "Oh I'm already turning." Yeah. Got that signal loud and clear.
- In a parking lot, blinkers can also be used. Yes, I see you sitting there, but I had no idea you were waiting for that spot. I assumed you were waiting for someone because you had no signal. And no I will not move my car because you didn't follow the rules. Entitlement denied!
- Another use for turn signals/ blinkers is when you intend to parallel park. All I know is you're a dumb ass and stopped right in the middle of the road, and now your reverse lights are on... Did you miss your turn? See a hot person? Oh, wait, you wanted that spot that I just pulled into.
- On the freeway, blinkers can be used to signal lane changes. This is especially helpful when you are in gridlocked traffic and want to move into an open and moving lane. Don't honk your horn at me when I'm driving and you decide, with no warning, to put 3/4 of your car in front of me with about .02257 inches to spare and I barely miss you.
- Also on the freeway, just because you have your blinker on, doesn't mean you didn't JUST CUT ME OFF. You're supposed to WAIT until you have a clear space, which interestingly enough is not 1/8 of a car length in front of me when I'm doing 65mph.
- Lastly, if you happen to be smart enough to turn your blinker on- turn the damn thing OFF! I can't count how many cars I've seen driving in the center lane with their left turn signal on... for miles. Well douche, are you coming over or not?
Look do we need to go back to elementary school on this one? Let me break this down for you.
- GREEN= Go. This concept is pretty clear for most people. However, if I'm first in line, don't expect me to go from 0 to bat-out-of-hell the EXACT instant the light changes. It does take me .0025 seconds to move my foot from the brake to the gas, during that time, a horn isn't necessary. Green light has right of way over Red lights legally. Confusing I know.
- YELLOW= Slow down, be prepared to stop. This color, contrary to popular belief doesn't mean "OMG-I-Have-to-speed-up-to-make-this-light-or-I-will-die."
- Red= Alright, this concept seems to be lost on a lot of people. It means STOP. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Stay Put, don't move. Arrêt! Parada! Anschlag! The following rules apply:
- If you're 4 cars back and the light has turned, or is, RED that means your car WILL NOT make it. Hell if you're the first in line and the light is red, just wait. Don't be an asshat and go anyway. And don't be surprised when you get dirty looks, fingers and/or a few horns. The light is RED, which is NOT a shade of green in any way.
- Just because you don't see any cars as that moment, does not mean that going through a red light is any less illegal. Double asshat points if you just cut me off.
- If you are in a straight away/turn lane and the person in front of you has NO signal it should mean they are NOT turning (although see above). Don't honk your horn like a douche bag because you want to go. I'm sure the person in front of you isn't willing to break the law for you because your a self entitled driver.
- Side note to this. TURN ONLY means just that. If you want to go straight, then get in the STRAIGHT only lane. I will not move over because you are too cool to wait in line and get in the wrong lane. If you're in the turn lane, blinker or not, I'm assuming your are turning.
- If you have a RED light and cross traffic has a green light, then FUCKING wait before you make your turn. You'll get a green light too, I promise. Just because the car in front of you had a chance to turn doesn't mean you do. Actually both you idiots just cut me off. And don't flash me a dirty look because I flicked you off and let you hear how pretty my horn sounds. Look my car is a piece of shit rust bucket, explain to me why I would mind another dent on my car and why I would have any problem hitting you next time?
- It drives me NUTS when I am driving home and traffic is backed up for, oh, ten miles because there is a flat tire on shoulder of a 3-5 lane highway. I can understand the lane closest to that one backing up for safety... but 3-5 lanes for 10 miles? MOVE!
- Can someone clue me in on what's so interesting about seeing a police car behind a vehicle? Perhaps you did too many drugs before you got in the car and the flashing lights are "totally freaking you out man!"
- When you hear an emergency vehicle behind you, you need to MOVE the FUCK OUT OF IT'S WAY. You're a total asstard if you, not only, don't move, but take advantage of the gridlocked traffic moving to let the emergency vehicle through, and cutting the emergency vehicle off.
I was taught that merging you speed up to how fast the traffic is going. Generally, if I have time, I get to right at what the speed limit is.
- The posted speed limit is 65. I'll be nice and go 5mph either way, but driving 45 in the exit/enter lane is sheer stupidity. Especially when you've got people doing, oh, 20mph faster than that that would like to say, get on the fucking highway.
- When you merge, you are supposed to merge behind the next car. Not in front. Look asshole, there isn't a damn person behind me for a good mile, and you decide you have to get in front of me. So you speed up, then do 20 under the limit AND cut me off. Thanks.
- I understand that some people aren't comfortable with the posted limits. HOWEVER:
- If I am doing 75-80 in a 65 in the fast lane, don't get behind me, ride my ass and then flash your lights. Either go around me, or leave me the hell alone. If you want to do 110, great, but it's not safe to merge right now. Back the fuck off.
- If you're going to do 45 in a 65mph zone, fine, but don't decide to do it:
- in the fast lane
- side by side blocking all lanes of traffic.
- Some people would actually LIKE to go at least the speed limit and would like to get around you and can't if you're being a douche bag.
- Because it is raining, it does not mean you have to slow down to a crawl. I understand that here in CT the roads retain a lot of water. In fact the back slash from cars is worse than the rain itself, but come on. It's only a sprinkle, you don't need to drop down to 15mph. Listen you asshat, do you freak out when you shower too? It's the SAME THING!
PARKING
Alright, this is the last topic. I think we need to go back to kindergarten on this one too. Folks, one car = one space. I don't know where in your entitled brains one car = 2 or even 3 spaces...
- If you drive any of the following cars, they are NOT compact and should NOT be parked in COMPACT ONLY spaces: Any Trucks, SUV, Hummer, Vans, even MiniVans.
- If you take up two spaces because you can't be assed enough to move your car.
- If you park "just over the line", expect to get "just a little" scratch on your car.
- If you back in and use two spaces, FAIL. Return to driving school.
- If there is a bright yellow cone in that spot, you are NOT allowed to move it and park there. Bonus douche baggery points if you complain to security that you received a YOU PARK LIKE AN ASSHOLE note. DUH!
I swear, I'm so happy brake and reverse lights are automatic on cars or else all these asshat douche bags would forget to implement those too. That is when they are actually WORKING. Yesterday, I was behind a guy who had NO WORKING brake lights. But that's a story for another time.
-MetalRose
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