Ten months, two graves

I talked to my mom last night about my sister and her upcoming wedding and home purchase.

From what she said there was a snag in the house buying process. My mom asked me to keep my sister in my thoughts.

Before bed, I was on the phone with a friend. I had gone into the kitchen during the call and noticed a battery operated latern had been turned on. My son was in bed and asleep before I was, and it was pitch black when I went into my room. In reality, I had no idea why I even went into the kitchen. Even more odd, how or why the lantern was on.

It was odd, really odd. All of my doors were locked and dead bolted and I had recently smudged my house. I ended the call to my friend, checked the doors, turned the latern back off and put it on top of the fridge. I locked my son's door behind me and went to bed.

A little before 2pm, my cell phone was ringing. I saw it was my sister. I thought that perhaps she had some news on the house. I went to hit end to the call, and hit the pick up button. I stared at my phone for a minute contemplating hanging up on her and sending her a text letting her know I couldn't talk.

I put the phone to my ear to just tell her I couldn't talk. She then said, "Will you call me right back?" I told her I'd call her back on break, but I could tell something hit her hard. So I asked, "What's up?" She then said, "Do you remember Bob Jeske? Robert Jeske?" My brain scanned, I knew the name, I knew the face, but from where? Ah, yes, Downside of Truth.

The first image that came to mind was Bob and his long brown hair, smile and the bounce he had in his walk. I recalled seeing him at almost every show I'd been to. He'd have nothing if he didn't have a beer, a smile and a hug for every single person in the room.

"Bob, yeah what about him?" There was a brief silence and she said, "He commited suicide last night... From what I understand he got drunk went out in the alley way and started shooting. When the police arrived, he shot the dog and they emptied ten to fifteen rounds into him..." All I could get out to her was, "I'm at work, I'll have to call you later." The words echoed, they emptied ten to fifteen rounds... Those words made it sound like a video game.

I'm still in disbelief, of all the people in the world, there were no warning signs, at least back when I used to see him on a regular basis. The world was his stage and he loved it.

I started looking on line and found a couple of articles. I didn't want to believe it. He had left two suicide notes on his computer and changed his myspace page to read: Mood: DONE and a message stating "I love you all.... goodbye.... I'm sorry." He wanted to end it, but was too afraid to do it on his own. It's not suicide if someone else pulls the trigger.

I can't claim to be Bob's best friend, not on the least, regardless Bob was a friend to all. He never had a bad word about anyone.

Shortly after my break, Gensmer from Epicurean sent me a text, "Did you hear about Bob?" When I talked with Gensmer last night at about 11pm my time, nothing was ever said about Bob being gone. His name must've been released today. Fuck Bob, you know how you felt about T...

The part about getting older that scares me is not my death, but watching those around me die. Last year in May, Earl Root passed away and less than a year later, I have another grave to visit when I return to Minnesota.

RIP Bob. May you be starting a band with Earl, where ever you are.

-Metal