A heart felt Thank You.

So I have to excuse myself from yesterday's diatribe. I was pissed I was accused of sinister plans when in all reality, I was only doing what I could to honor a friend.

Tonight was the funeral and my mom went in my place which meant the world to me. I talked to her before she left and she assured me she'd talk to Nancy and Aaron and do her best to touch base with a few others.

My mom told me she was pinning my picture on her shirt so that people knew I was there (and that she was representing me.) She called me after she left.

She said that Felicia was the first to find her and came over to her and gave her quite a few hugs and told her she was glad she made it in my place. My mom raved about how wonderful Felicia was.

She said she was also able to find Jendeen and again raved about how wonderful Jendeen was. She said they chatted for a while and Jendeen asked if she could hug my mother, which I found very touching.

My mom also talked with my other favorite people, Rhuby and Hater.

When my mom went to talk to Earl's wife and son, she said that his widow was very gracious and very honored that she went in my place. My mom mentioned that Aaron was so taken that he gave her not one but two massive bear hugs.

She then asked Nancy if she would allow my mom to put our pictures by Earl's Memory display and Nancy said she would be honored.

Not one person was upset that my mom went in my place, in fact, she said that every single person was grateful that she was there for me- many were touched.

There was one person there, that's no secret that we do not like each other at all. My mom ended up sitting in front of him for the service. She said he put her hand on her shoulder and she in turn placed hers on top.

For what ever differences we've had in the past he too understood that *we* were there for Earl, not for each other. The fact is had I been there, I would have done the same thing. Being there was not about he nor *I*, and in times of need such as this, we've always been able to set aside our differences for the time being. It's too bad that others aren't able to do the same.

But I digress, this post isn't about me, it's about the wonderful friends who understood the circumstances and reached out to my mother in my absence. I'm always amazed at my true friends who are beyond anything I could have hoped for... who in a bad situation were still willing to go the extra mile to not only help me, but to help show support for Earl.

And that, my friends is how Earl lived his life... no matter the cirumstances, help another. Not only am I blessed to have such great people in my life, the reason Earl was who he was is because he surrounded himself with people of a true spirit. People like Felicia, Hater, Rhuby, Jendeen and you.

So to all my friends, a sincere thank you.

-MetalRose

Cut the fucking drama already. (Long rant ahead)

It's been a long time since I've been this pissed.

As anyone on my friends list knows, my friend Earl passed away last Friday. Since then I have been trying to find tickets to get out to Minnesota to be at the funeral.

When I found out he passed I called my mom and asked her to keep an eye on the obits for me. We talked a little bit and she told me not to worry about coming home as she'd go to the funeral/wake for me.

I thanked her and told her that IF there was no way for me to get home, I'd take her up on it.. but I was going to look at flights until all my options were exhausted.

I've tried everything from looking at the airline websites to looking at 3rd party websites. I've looked at airports from Boston to NYC and in between, starting on Saturday of last week.

The average price for tickets I've found is about $1447 PER person. Since I'd have to bring Joey Sky with me, I'd be looking at close to $3000 which I cannot afford. The cheapest I found was $978 per person.

Wednesday night I sent a message to a couple of people and told them even though I was still trying it looked like 99% of my options were not do-able. I posted a message on a message board where I know a lot of the people there will be in attendance.

I noted that I wasn't able to make it home and that my mom would be going in my place and if anyone saw her to help direct her to the right people.

Of course I didn't get the "Sure I'll help" I got a piss ant nit-picky reply from someone who I thought was once a friend. This person called me a liar and said I was full of shit. That I was able to find a cheaper rate if I "tried harder" and looked at other options.

Needless to say, that fucking pissed me off. I thought that people were mature enought to put differences aside for a day or two. Regardless if this person wanted to help at all, it doesn't matter to me. By replying the way they did it shows what a total jack ass they are.

I asked a favor and kept it short and sweet as I don't think the world needed to know the reasons I wasn't able to make it out. I felt the more I wrote about why I was unable to make it out, the more they would sound like petty excuses.

I posted a message thanking this person for finding a good rate for me and asked to NOT turn that thread into a pissing match. The next message was from him again stating that it was do-able if I "tried harder".

Really? I'm being called out again? On what fucking account? I sent this person a private message explaining what I'd been doing over the last week and why going to NYC to fly out wasn't an option. Not that I had to do it, but I thought that perhaps he could understand where I was coming from and what I had been doing over the last week.

Then a couple of replies helping to direct me to cheaper rates.

Of course, I got another "call out message". Great. On what account this time? I was asked what my "motivation" for sending my mom out was when I had friends who could pass on the message. Why would I put her in an ackward situation? And why would I post a thread about my mom going instead of me?

Motiviation? Motivation? Moto-fucking-vation? Are you kidding me? There is no motivation behind my mom going to the funeral. Yes it'll be an ackward situation for her, but all fucking funerals are ackward. She offered to go if I couldn't be there. I didn't ask her, and I didn't ask my "peeps" because it's not their job to relay my condolences as an after thought. I can't be there, my mom is the next best thing.

I posted the thread so that my mom can get in contact with the right people- the ones I asked her to see so that they could be sent extra love from me. I have already sent my love in other ways to those people, but if my mom is insisting on going to the funeral in my place, those are the people I would seek out and give an extra hug to.

Is is wrong that my mom offered to go as an "agent'' for me?

My reply back to him was that he was being an ass and calling me out at every chance and that the bottom line was that I wasn't able to make it so my mom was representing me for the night. Plain and simple. Then I said I thought he was mature enough to put or differences aside for one evening to honor Earl.

Of course not, he thought I was full of shit and said it was his duty to call anyone out when he felt like it was necessary, being honest is being true, but to not worry, I "won" because he still didn't know my motive even after cheaper options were proven.

Seriously? THERE IS NO FUCKING MOTIVE.

I cannot make it out, my mom is going in my place. Would he throw this much of a piss fit if I was the one going? Most likely not.

I have literally exhausted all my options. In fact, I called Ryan earlier to see if I was able to get the flight he offered in another blog post. After talking with him for a good 30 minutes, that wasn't going to work either. Yes the price was right (and Tiffany offered to help with the air fare, bless her heart) but flying stand by wasn't an option.

So my message is crystal fucking clear to anyone else who wants to question my "motivation" for my mom going instead of me- here's the breakdown as to why there is no possible way I can make it out for Earl's funeral.

1. Tickets from Hartford, CT to Minneapolis are $1447 per person (x2= $2894 pre-tax & Charges)

2. Tickets from Boston, MA to Minneapolis are $766.50 per person (x2 = $1533 pre-tax & Charges)

3. Tickets from NYC to Minneapolis are $978 per person (x2 =$1956 pre-tax & Charges)

4. Tickets from White Plains, NY to Minneapolis are $268 per person (x2 = $536 pre-tax & Charges)

5. Flying stand by on a friends companion fare = $160 per person (x2 =$320 pre-tax & Charges)

Now the last two options are the best cost wise. HOWEVER they aren't do-able.

Getting to NYC with a child in tow at last minute is beyond stressful. Hell flying out of NYC alone is stress full. I've never flown out of White Plains NOR NYC as a starting point. Having never been to those airports ever, and then trying to either drive to them or use the trains isn't an option with a child.

Add at least 3 hours for travel time (on either end here) and the two hours that you are supposed to get there before the flight departs, and I've got a total of an addtional 8 hours- or 4 round trip flights back to Minnesota.

Getting to the airport is stressful enough, then adding not knowing where they are or how to get there AND having to account for someone else- is it hard to see why those aren't an option?

For the friend fare- I talked to Ryan and it is stand by. Although there are seats left on all the flights, there are 3 that go out. One at 8 am, one at 1pm and another at 6pm- ish.

After some of my co-workers requested the day off, my supervisor asked me if I was still planning on attending the funeral so he could tell them either way. Not knowing about the companion fare, I told him I was not going to make it to Minnesota.

Now I have to work tomorrow. Yes, I could say screw it and not go in, but that would not be a wise idea. Since tomorrow is my offical last day, and I told my super I wasn't going to need it off, we didn't fill out my final paperwork. If I don't go in and fill that out tomorrow, I won't get my last paycheck. I think any fucking person in this world would want their paycheck.

In order to get to the airport for the 1pm flight, I'd have to leave my office by 10 am- which would not give me enough time to fill out the final paper work and close up shop.

The 6pm flight wouldn't work either. The flight runs about 2 hours, Ryan checked the arrival time which was at 7:19. Barring any unforseen delays, by the time we got out of the airport and to the funeral, it would be over. Since that was the only reason I'd be going to Minnesota, that doesn't make a lot of sense now does it?

I really don't know what more this asshole wants from me. I have searched, contemplated, reviewed, analyzed and realistically looked at every possible senario for being able to attend Earl's funeral and I am not able to make any of them work.

Hell if it was slightly uncomfortable or a minor inconvenience, I'd be there in a heart beat. But it's boiled down to money (cost and paycheck) and the saftey/sanity of myself and my child- which I cannot possibly put on the line to please someone who thinks I'm lying.

So the motiviation for my mom going to the funeral? To represent me. Nothing more nothing less.

I'm sorry this person has his head so far up his ass he can't see beyond his own reality to understand that some things aren't cut and dry. And it really pisses me off that he feels he "needs to call out BS" in order to try and make me look small.

What's his motivation for "calling me out" what the fuck is he trying to prove? That I'm some how lying? What kind of pompus asshole decides to berate someone on a public message board AFTER I sent them a private message explaining why I was unable to make it out. Double douche bag points for then declaring it thier natural born right to call me out in front of everyone- when it's been proven he's the one being an ass.

Is there an option that is realistically (not just logically) feasible that I missed?

Why are his panties in such a bunch that my mom is going to the funeral in my place?

At this point, I'm kind of glad I won't be able to go. It makes me sick to my stomach that one person can't smell the shit under his own nose, but instead points to everyone else. It makes me furious to know that if I were there, my last memory of Earl would be tainted with this pompus asshole's self righteous accusations for something that was offered and accepted with only the best intentions.

This self entitled douche waffle better suck it up and deal with it because I'm not backing down for him or anyone else. My mom WILL be at the funeral in my place and she WILL make sure that my spirit is there through her. And if he wants to think that there's some other reason for her being there, well then I'll make sure she brings a tin foil hat just for him.

-MetalRose

My heart still breaks.

After spending so much time reading others thoughts on Earl, I still can't help but feel my heart break.

I'll be the first to admit that there were many others who were closer to him than I was, but when you befriend a legend who doesn't act like one, how do you know how to let it go? How do you let go of not only someone you admired and looked up to, but someone you called a friend?

It's finally hitting me today that he really is gone. I've been looking at getting flights out to Minnesota for the wake/ funeral, but again, my fiances won't allow it and I'm damn near in tears. The one last chance I have to say goodbye and I can't. I know that next time I'm in Minnesota, I'll have to stop by a few of his old haunting grounds to pay my respects to him.

It's amazing that one person touched the lives of so many people. Every single word I read about him has been nothing but positive words, "Legend. Hero, Metal God, Brother, Friend, Inspiration, Mentor" but the one that I've read in almost every single message is "I love you." I tried to keep track, but lost count. He never acted as if he was better than anyone, it was his humility that kept his so human.

Everyone knows Earl's in the after life raising some hell.

It's going to be really hard for me to see anyone associated with Earl and when I go back to Minnesota, the tears will start all over again. I only cry because I miss him, even in his sickness he still stayed in touch with me when he could... and I did my best to send him text messages telling him I loved him and missed him.

It's hard to lose someone who touched every single person he came in contact with. I knew Earl was a great person, but the more I read, the more I realize just how truly amazing he was. Almost every show I went to, he was there with a huge smile and a hug. When ever he was out, he always had a brave front and never showed how much pain he was in.

That's the only solace I have is knowing that he's not in pain anymore, and I cry because I'll miss him I know we all will.

If everyone even tried to be 1/100th the man that Earl was, this life would be so much easier. Even that is large shoes to fill.

Dammit, why did he have to go? The world shouldn't have to suffer the loss of such an incredible person...

We miss you Earl, I miss you. Be safe and rest if you have to. We promise we won't forget you, there's no way anyone could. Ever.

-MetalRose