Disappointed

I joined a gym back in March/April with the goal of going twice a week. So far I've only missed on week- two work outs. This is because my upstairs neighbors are watching Joey Sky and I don't want to take advantage of that. However I'll be working out damn near every day when he's in Minnesota.

But I'm frustrated as I had two goals when I started working out, the main one was to quit smoking. I wanted to have a good six months under my belt before ProgPower so that my will power would be strong. I've always started smoking at ProgPower. I failed at that.

The second was to lose some weight or tone up. My clothes aren't fitting any better, in fact, they are tighter. A few years ago, I had a border line issue with my thyroid, so I think I'm going to have that checked again...

But in the last few weeks, I've been toying with the idea of training for a marathon. I know it's going to kick my ass, but I really need something for that extra kick to help me accomplish the short term goals. I kind of realized that the short term goals are easier to brush off if I don't have a long term goal...

And now that things are kind of settled down in life- job, home, etc I have to set something else to accomplish or I feel like I'm drifting along.

So over the next few weeks, I'll be researching marathons and how the runners train. I'll also see how much it is to register for a run and other such things.

Interestingly enough, I'm setting a goal for something that I never liked doing- running. My biological father used to run religiously and I hated when he signed us up for the "fun runs"... but aside from biking or swimming, I think this would be the best way for me to "kill two birds with one stone" and reach my short term goals all while striving for the long term.

-Metal

It still breaks my heart

Last November, I got my first child support check ever. Although it lasted longer than I thought it would, I never got the full amount and it ended in April.

Last night, I tried to call my son's father to see if he had quit his job. I called the only number I had for him and got voice mail. I didn't leave a message, but a few minutes later, I got a call back.

The woman on the other end demanded to know who I was, and when I told her, she lighted up.

It was my ex's other child's mother... and she had some bad news. Her and my ex had broken up. My heart sank.

She and I talked for quite a while, and her story was exactlly the same as mine... and the one before hers... and I'm sure the one after hers.

My heart broke when she told me they were no longer together. Four different woman, one story. It's all the same. He finds a young girl, gets her pregnant, isolates her so she feels she can't live without him, he walks all over her, she gets smart and fights back, and he leaves...

And in the long run, the only person who is hurt is the innocent children in this whole thing. He thinks that if he can ignore the mother, the child will go away, and that by not taking part in the child's life, he thinks he's hurting me (and the other mothers) but in all reality, he's hurting his children.

I feel betrayed because I thought for once, he had changed. From the outside my son's father seemed like he was getting his life together and accepting what he had brought into his own life. He had been with a job for more than a few months and was actually paying child support. And there was a part with in me that considered turning in paper work to lower the laughable amount of $199/month so that he could have a little more money to take care of the son he was then taking part in raising.

This man has a pattern of finding young girls (around 18-19) and isolating them. He eventually gets them away from all their friends and makes them prisioners. They are forced to wait on him hand and foot while he can do what ever he wants, talk to whomever he wants... but his girlfriend can't even talk to a male family memeber with out being accused of cheating.

This man is so insecure and so afraid that he can't find a woman his own age whom he can control.

He has a pattern of always being the "victim" in order to endear these women to him and then again uses it to quit jobs. It's always the same thing, "The ex's won't let me see the kids." or "I do ten times more work than that person, but get paid less... I quit" or "My father left me when I was 8."

Joey Sky wrote a paper in school. He wrote that he wished his father and I had never broken up and that he would think later in life his dad was dead because he would never hear from him. He also wrote that he wants to know why his dad never sees or contacts him.

Yes, that does hurt me... It hurts to know that I can't protect my son from that kind of pain. Pain which NO one should go through, especially a child who is trying to find their own place in the world.

And yet the pattern keeps repeating. My heart breaks not only for my son, but for all the kids left in the path of this mans destruction... and it hurts to know that there is nothing I can to to prevent the pattern from repeating with this particular person.

However, I can only hope that I can prevent it with in my own child. I hope that if and when my son decides to have children that he steps up and doesn't to do him like his father did, and his fathers father did.

These poor children, my heart breaks for all of you...

Tom Cruise and Lawnmowers

Monday my brother came in from LA. He took Joey Sky to a Yankees game on Tuesday and got back Wednesday, then on Thursday they went to Boston. I laughed that my child has been in 3 states in 3 days. Little traveller there!

Friday, I had a big family get together at my place. I had about 20 people here. It was really nice to finally have everyone over here! I had planned a party last year, but only had 3 people showed up. And my neighbor set off fireworks, which he bought legally, but not with in the borders of this state. *wink*

I've been saying for quite a while, that my neighborhood isn't the greatest. Well I learned at the party, just how true that was. On Wednesday a man was arrested, he had been featured on America's Most Wanted the prior Saturday. The house he was staying at was about 7 houses away, give or take. I drive by his house every single morning and every single night on my way to and from work.

He was wanted for: charges of threatening, kidnapping, attempted murder, false imprisonment, criminal conspiracy and theft by extortion, in connection with the kidnapping, shooting and torture of a bar owner.

Lovely, he fled from Maryland to here in order to stay with his girlfriend. When the SWAT team found him and took him into custody, he pissed himself. I laughed when I read that. What a bad ass...

With that, I'm off to clean the house yet again. With all the company coming in and going out, it seems like it's never ending. This time it won't be so bad, it's just a matter of doing dishes, vaccuuming and putting the garbage out... Oh, and I have to do laundry. Shit, I guess it's a bigger task than I thought, but it was well worth it. I loved having the family over here.

-Metal