The Mad Mind of MetalRose

2011-07-11T14:05:00.001-04:00

Finally, back to the land of the internets.

2011-06-03T00:11:00.000-04:00

Not sure if anyone still reads this or not. With all the social media out there, it's hard to NOT follow someone.

I guess that this is just for me and if anyone wants to read it, well I won't be offended.

for those who only follow me here: Quick updated: I moved, which I think I mentioned, quit my job and am now a certified EMT-B.

More info and blogs to follow, now, bed time.

Twitter

2011-01-07T08:24:00.000-05:00

Since I still don't have internet access at home, I'm mainly using TWITTER right now for updates (Since I can do it on my phone). When I get back to the 21st Century and get internet, I'll be posting here more.

-Metal

2010-10-29T21:58:00.001-04:00

Our pumpkins. Can you guess mine and Joey's?

2010-10-02T18:58:00.001-04:00

Just talked to a local EMT. Turns out full time EMT's are really needed, and paramedics are like gold. He said training

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2010-09-30T20:32:00.001-04:00

It appears video tapes are the new 8-tracks. I just told Joey Sky I would tape Big Bang Theory for him and he said, "How

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2010-09-02T07:13:00.001-04:00

First day of 7th grade.

2010-09-02T07:03:00.001-04:00

First day of 7th grade.

2010-08-15T18:04:00.002-04:00

Cheapest gas ever! 7070 gallons for $20!

2010-08-15T18:04:00.001-04:00

Cheapest gas ever! 7070 gallons for $20!

2010-08-14T00:54:00.001-04:00

I love NYC.

2010-07-31T17:57:00.003-04:00

Beautiful Ocean Day!

2010-07-31T17:57:00.001-04:00

Beautiful Ocean Day!

2010-07-26T17:39:00.003-04:00

RIP Henry. You'll be missed.

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2010-07-26T17:39:00.001-04:00

RIP Henry. You'll be missed.

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2010-07-12T21:08:00.001-04:00

Tired boy.

2010-06-30T15:11:00.001-04:00

If you still read this....

2010-06-29T13:57:00.001-04:00

I miss you.

(You probally think I'm not talking about you, but I am. I hope you are well.)

Sometimes you just need it.

2010-06-29T13:55:00.003-04:00

Yes that is a WonderWoman cape, and yes I have worn it here at work. Sometimes you just need it.. and because I can.

-MetalRose

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2010-04-28T11:31:00.001-04:00

Rip my beloved Petrus.

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2010-03-01T10:12:00.000-05:00

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2010-02-18T20:46:00.000-05:00

Geese!

2010-02-03T14:08:00.005-05:00

For some dumb reason my texts aren't being sent to Blogger. :(

Here's a picture I took on the way home from work just after a ton of Geese lifted from the corn fields. Oddly enough, the majority of the geese were on the right side of my car and therefore missed their photo opp.

-MetalRose

2010-01-20T18:38:00.001-05:00

Some woman just carded me but she said,' i'm sorry i have to card because you don't look 4O.' i'm not sure if she thoug

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Any one else narrate their lives?

2010-01-18T16:53:00.001-05:00

Does any one else narrate their own mornings like a book?

Example, this morning:

The alarm clock woke her at 5:15 am. Her unwashed hair hung in strings around her shoulders. Smoke or shower first she thought? The urge to urinate took over first. Then she went out for a smoke, remembering to turn off the motion light on the front porch first.

She walked back into the darkened house, through the living room, dining room, kitchen and into the small bathroom. She preferred to use that one at least for the first three or four washes after her hair has been freshly Manic Panic-d. That way she didn't have to bleach the upstairs tub more than needed.

She looked in the mirror and took a pick and separated her orange hair from the red hair. Sure it was a pain, but it made the colors last longer, although she kept thinking that the Electric Orange needed to be redone as it it was blending with the Vampire red too much.

After her shower she ran to the basement to get her jeans and hoodie out of the dryer. She half expected to see a ghoul standing there waiting to scare her. Her basement was built in the late 1800's. The original stonework patched together with cement to hold the base of the house together. The cobwebs were an on going battle.

She raced up the stairs as to not be late, the weather was bad and since she was working swing shift, she couldn't call out for the day.

Turning on the news for the traffic reports, she put her underwear and socks on, then her jeans. She reached into the closet wondering what to wear. It was one of the few days she could wear her concert tee shirts and not really worry about covering her neon colored hair.

She grabbed her long sleeve Moonspell shirt from the closet, quickly brushed her hair and teeth, dabbed on some mascara and went back to the kitchen to grab her lunch.

Her cell phone alarm rang signaling her leave. She grabbed her lunch, a book and some movies expecting the day to drag. She checked her leather jacket for her iPod, the day would be unbearable with out it.

She put her ring on her left hand, it felt naked with out it and grabbed her keys. She opened the door, locked it from the inside and checked her pocket for her keys once more. She only did it twice for good measure not to seem OCD.

Walking off the porch, the ground was more slippery than she expected. Shit she thought, leaving only an extra 10 minutes to get to work... knowing that avoiding her steep hill would eat up the extra time.

She drove around the corner, the first stop sign she came to she slid a little bit. She wondered if it was a true slide or if it was because she didn't apply the breaks with enough pressure.

She turned onto the main roads knowing she would avoid the remainder of large hills. The sleet and slippery conditions only aggravated her night blindness. She turned the radio off to concentrate on the roads, but was dying for some kind of noise and wishing she had a car in front of her so that she could follow the tail lights instead of being the leader and trying to figure out where the road is.

The one day I can't call out from work. If I'm five minutes late my boss can bite me, she thought as she navigated the roads... passing salt trucks in the opposite direction.

So yes, that was my thought process this morning. Any one else do that?

-Metal

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2010-01-12T21:59:00.000-05:00

New colors: electric lava and vampire red.

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2010-01-04T15:49:00.000-05:00

2010-01-01T00:02:00.001-05:00

Happy new year!

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2009-12-24T22:36:00.000-05:00

those were some tough cookies.

Remember September the day

2009-11-12T08:14:00.021-05:00

Since I saw the Danish Band Mercenary at ProgPower back in 2006, I fell in love with them and kicked myself in the ass for not knowing about them earlier.

I loved the contrast of vocals in the music and at times I felt the lyrics were written just for me. At that point it had been a long time since a bands lyrics moved me the way Mercenary's did.

Last night on twitter I read that the band had broken up. Devastated I navigated my way to their web page on my shitty LG Shine. I could only read the first statement on their page.

I was in disbelief. I know that a band breaking up is always harder for the band than it is for the fans... but it still feels like a huge piece of me is gone. Mercenary wrote so many things that I was feeling and found a way to express them both lyrically and musically.

Even now as I read their website the fresh would has not healed and I feel like I'm reading a Dear John Letter. I can't bear to read more, but I can't help but read what happened.

From the press release:

... During the last year we have been working on a new album and it has become clear that we no longer share the same vision and enthusiasm about the direction and the future of the band....

Does this mean that Mercenary is totally dead? I hope not. I loved their heavier stuff as well, but loved the melodic vocals that Mikkel brought and Mike was such an incredible drummer. I can't imagine not following their music careers no matter what band they are with.

I've met all of the guys in the band a handful of times. They are amazing people, but I don't want to bombard them with emails.

I have to say that although I don't agree with this decision, I can only help but to support it.

While I did love the individual song of Architect of Lies, the finished product seemed forced. I was never able to listen to the album as a whole. After reading their press release, it seems it may have been the beginning of the end.

I'm not saying I didn't like Architect of Lies, but I felt that it wasn't as powerful as The Hours That Remain or 11 Dreams, which is where my disappointment came in. Had it been their first album instead of their last I think I would've felt differently about it.

I fell in love with the heavier sound again on their release Retrospective (which isn't listed in any discography). It was a lot of old songs redone in pure metal style. Listening to it now, it should've been a hint or a foreshadow or something....

I'm sad and happy at the same time. Re-birth always comes from death and I hope the guys find more joy and happiness in what shall become of this. It still sucks and I'm deeply hurt... Although I know that I personally wasn't even a thought in their departure.

I have to find the silver lining in this looking at that it's better that we be disappointed that they walked away on (hopefully) good terms, than to be disappointed with each new album wishing they'd end it.

I know that I'm not the only person they touched musically... but honestly, this is the first band that I've felt regret for when it ended. And I can only say there would ever be a handful of bands that could evoke emotions from me if they ever quit.

I hope that Mercenary continues in a newer heavier form and I wish only the best for all of them in their future endeavors.

Don't take my soul away

My world is ending

-MetalRose

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2009-11-02T11:11:00.000-05:00

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2009-10-31T21:37:00.000-04:00

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2009-10-30T21:08:00.000-04:00

Sorry! You can't have any!

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2009-10-26T16:54:00.000-04:00

Peter Steele from the Type O Show last week.

An Open Letter to the Man who Created me.

2009-10-01T16:06:00.003-04:00

*A little back story. I chose to walk away from my father quite a few years ago. I won't get into the reasons now. He emailed me on my birthday and said he was sorry I had so much anger and that I should figure it out before he dies. It was very passive agressive and a finger pointing. So I had to email him this. Those of you who know me, know I'm very guarded with my deepest and rawest emotions. Here's a very raw side of me that little if any get to see, but I feel I have to expose it for the whole world... Good bad or indifferent.*

[Redacted],

I don't have any anger towards you what so ever. In fact I'm very apathetic towards you.

Over the last 30+ years you have done things and said things to hurt me. The worst started when I got pregnant. When I wanted to speak to you, you were unwilling to listen to me. I was either informed that you were X years old and not going to change or I couldn't guilt you into things. I was treated as a pest rather than the adult I came to you as.

I log ago accepted that you are getting older, and long ago accepted that you wouldn't change. So instead of allowing you to hurt me, I chose to exclude you from my life. A choice I feel was the right thing to do as you have made not even a slight attempt to contact me over the last few years.

I think that perhaps you need to take a look at your life and find out why you have chosen to treat me the way you have.

I won't get into the blame game, but I can certianly site examples that literally ripped my heart out and then was expected to treat you with respect only because you are my father- no other reason.

The way I see it, if I can't be treated with basic human kindness, then I will not have that person in my life.

As it stands now, if you passed on tomorrow, I would not attend your funeral, because I just don't care. I don't have hate for you. I don't have love for you.

I think perhaps you need to look at how you've treated me in the past to see why I feel that way. If you are not able or willing to figure it out, or ask me, then I will have no regrets on the choice I made to exclude you from my life.

However, if you'd like to start a relationship back up, then the ball is in your court, but you need to be aware that I am very fragile and in order to restore a "proper" father daughter relationship I'll need quite a bit of time.

As it stands, you owe me and provide me nothing as a father, and I owe you nothing and provide you nothing as a daughter. I've washed my hands of this and accepted that I cannot change you.

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2009-09-29T23:16:00.000-04:00

I some times forget my son is only 11. Moments like this remind me.
-MetalRose

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2009-09-22T20:14:00.000-04:00

solstice angled broom
-MetalRose

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2009-09-20T17:21:00.000-04:00

Trying the yellow in the landing. The picture makes it look much more yellow.
-MetalRose

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2009-09-20T17:09:00.000-04:00

Coat 2
-MetalRose

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2009-09-19T21:36:00.000-04:00

first coat still a very wet.
-MetalRose

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2009-08-16T10:32:00.000-04:00

The stained glass window in my new place.
-MetalRose

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2009-08-15T14:30:00.000-04:00

why you never wear sandals to move.
-MetalRose

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2009-07-30T14:58:00.000-04:00

-MetalRose

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2009-07-13T09:28:00.000-04:00

-MetalRose

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2009-07-10T16:37:00.001-04:00

-MetalRose

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2009-07-10T16:37:00.000-04:00

-MetalRose

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2009-07-09T11:23:00.000-04:00

-MetalRose

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2009-07-09T11:21:00.000-04:00

-MetalRose

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2009-07-09T11:20:00.000-04:00

-MetalRose

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2009-07-09T11:19:00.000-04:00

-MetalRose

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2009-07-09T11:18:00.000-04:00

-MetalRose

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2009-07-09T02:47:00.000-04:00

-MetalRose

2009-07-02T00:55:00.001-04:00

I broke the seal and the seal won.
-MetalRose.

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Saying Goodbye to a personal idol.

2009-06-29T13:08:00.017-04:00

Unless you've literally been living with the Masai tribe in Tanzania, you've heard that Michael Jackson passed away on June 25th, 2009.

It's no secret I'm a devot and die hard heavy metal fan, but I owe it all to Michael Jackson.

I was very young when I started listening to Michael Jackson, I was only about 4-5 years old when Thriller came out on tape. Yes, tape. I don't remember who or how or why I started listening to Michael Jackson, I just knew that he was my favorite singer.

I recall seeing a picture of Michael Jackson in the newspaper before I could even read... but I knew who it was. He was surrounded by a large group of police officers, and I asked my mom, "Why did he get arrested?" After her laughter subsided, she told me they were watching him for his protection.

When my mom told me that Michael Jackson was burned during a filming of a Pepsi commerical, I cried. She told me he'd be ok and I felt better, then again I was only 6. I had such hopes of marrying him one day, forget the 20 year age difference.

Over the years that followed, I remember dancing in my room to Billy Jean and putting on dance concerts with Thriller. I remember my mom taking us to the beach and I would bring my radio and turn it all the way up in the hot summer sun. In the 4th grade, I even went as Michael Jackson for Halloween. And among my collection of Jem Dolls, was my Michael Jackson Doll. The highlight of my weekends really were having Michael Jackson and Jem on the pink key-tar tape deck stage putting on their own shows. I'd alternate between Michael Jackson tapes and Jem tapes.

I was so enthralled by his owning Bubbles and his many exotic animals. Even back then I thought it was odd, but it was so rockstar at the time. Even back then, even being young, I knew that he was a so alone and misunderstood. A part of me felt so sad for him, he'd rather spend time with animals then with humans.

Right around the same time, my mom took the family to Disney. It was the same year that Captain EO was released. I'm not proud to say it, but I was a brat until I got to see "my'" Michael Jackson playing such a killer role on stage. I don't recall much of the movie other than a portion of my dream coming true... and my brother mumbling under his breath the whole time about wanting to leave. To this day I still have a figurine of Fuzzball.

Shortly thereafter, we got cable, and the launch of MTV- back when it played actual music. One of the first videos I saw was of Bon Jovi, or Poison, or Def Leppard... I saw men with long hair and leather pants wearing eyeliner, and yes the music was heavier, but not by much compared with the song Beat It. And considering that Eddie Van Halen was the mastermind behind the guitar riff, it's only logical that I drifted apart from the pop style music.

I followed Michael Jackson much into my Jr High years, but sadly keeping it in the dark. I wanted people to think I was too cool for Michael, but would secretly go home and put his albums on at least for a couple of years. My Jem and Michael Jackson Barbies went into storage, and my old kids tapes were replaced with the likes of Warrant in Jr. High then Alice in Chains by High School. Secretly, Michael held a special place in my heart.

Even in 1991, when I was 13, I recall watching the Dangerous video on the TV. Four years later, I couldn't help but sneak away and watch the Scream Video. Not very cool for a 17 year old die hard metal head... But my love for Michael Jackson far surpassed the uncool urges to supress him...

By the time I hit 25, I was over the whole metal only image, at least in part. I grew to accept my love affair with Michael Jackson and his music and even outting the fact he is responsible for my love of metal, if only in image. I posted it on message boards, talked about it frequently with friends, I had to give credit where credit was due. I even downloaded metal covers of his songs with such a love in my heart. I currently have Raintime's version of Beat It on my ipod.

Thursday, I was on the phone with my mom when her co-worker came in and told her Michael Jackson died. The only thing I could mutter was "No!" She then comforted me and told me to wait until it was confirmed. She tried getting online to see if any news reports could be found, but the internet was so slow, she couldn't get on. "Just wait to see if it's confirmed..." she kept whispering.

Fifteen minutes later her co-worker came in and confirmed it. My mom saw on the internet that the news story was updated 20 minutes ago... I was one of the first to learn of his passing. My mom could only say, "I'm so sorry..."

It's hard to say goodbye to someone who unknowingly shaped me into what I am and who I am. I spent all Friday night packing and listening to Michael Jackson on the radio. Even after 20 years (give or take) I could still remember all the words to his songs, and I too sang along.

It's sad that the younger generation missed out on the true Michael of the 1980's, not the Waco Jacko that is being shown now... Before all the crazy surgeries and allegations. It's sad that todays pop music is nothing more than regurgitated bullshit to be paraded around as good music. Michael was talented, he spanned not only race lines and gender lines, but age lines. It's a shame that there hasn't been another entertainer like that since Michael.

So Michael, it's a shame you never knew how much you meant to people while you were alive, but know that for how ever bad it got for you, you had people who stood by you, supported you, and cherished all that you were willing and able to share with us. I hope you are finally at piece with yourself, because you of all people deserved it.

-MetalRose

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2009-06-20T21:16:00.000-04:00

-MetalRose

Born Free

2009-06-16T13:39:00.002-04:00

When I started my new job just over a year ago, I had bright red hair that was half way down my back. During the interview I wore a wig.

Since I was hired wearing a wig, I've been wearing it every day since. Mostly because this is a small company and I see both the CEO and the SVP and other upper level managment on a daily basis. They all know that I wear a wig to cover my odd colored hair, but all understand I do it to show that I can look like I belong.

Now most people who've worn wigs are those have worn them only at Halloween. Those are poorly made and itchy and I wouldn't be able to wear them all day. Most of the time it's like wearing a hat. Granted there are days it bothers the day lights out of me... But most times it's so much easier to never have a bad hair day... and if I didn't get a chance to wash my hair on Monday after a weekend of not washing it, well no one would be the wiser. Just throw the wig on.

Sunday night I re-did my hair to a burgandy.* A "normal" color. Normally I shy away from doing that but because my hair was horribly faded and looked like shit, I had to re-do it. I could've gone green like I planned, but with my sisters up comming wedding... It made more sense to do a natural shade and then play with it in a few weeks when I get back home.

Monday, I came into work wigless. My co-workers about dropped their coffee. The reaction was great and I've gotten a lot of compliments on my hair color.

It just feels really odd to be at work with out a wig. I feel almost naked and my head feels very light. It's just odd.

Morning duties, shower, get dressed, put hair in a pony tail, put on wig cap, put on make up, brush teeth, put on wig, pin in place, leave. Now, it's shower, get dressed, put on make up brush teeth leave. Not that putting on the wig takes a long time, but it does take about 5-10 minutes.

I kind of like not having my fake hair on... but I think I like coloring it more.

-Metal

*Yes, I do color my own hair and have for the last 4 years or so. To get the color I have I used 5RV and a 7IR, I mixed 1/3 5RV with 2/3 7IR with a 20 developer.

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2009-06-14T15:14:00.000-04:00

I won the silly string fight this round!
-MetalRose

The house of dreams into the house of nightmares.

2009-06-10T14:32:00.005-04:00

I've been looking at getting out of my white trash neighborhood for a while now.... and after the bullshit my neighbors pulled a couple of nights ago, I'm done.

When we first started looking at houses, I found one that was awesome. It was built in the late 1800's and added on in 1930's. Well kept, move in ready, beautiful. We worked on the deal, but the seller was being a total asshole about it. We asked them to leave the washer/dryer and they argued with us about $1000 for them. I told them to shove the $1000...

Anyway, the Friday before memorial day, we were sending the ernest money and I talked with the real estate agent and there were no other offers. Feeling secure, we went about the weekend.

Tuesday I got a call from my mom and we lost the house. Someone had come in and looked at the house on Sunday and by Monday they had put in their offer and earnest money. I was shocked. We had an agreement. Not happy, I called our real estate agent and asked what happened. Apparently it was a "good ol' boys club" thing. And the reason the seller was jerking us around was because of the person hemming and hawing about wanting to buy the house. If they planned on selling it to her, they shouldn't have put it on the market. The girl that bought the house was the daughter of the guy that did all the work on it. The priced it low so she could buy it, not for the average market. Douche waffles.

Last night we looked at and fell in love with another house. It was a gorgeous 3 bed, 2 bath with massive rooms and the price was right. It's out of the neighborhood I'm in and it had the coolest bathroom I've ever seen.... The repair work was minimal. Repair the two hardwood floors in the upstairs bedrooms, spackle the cracks in the roof, trim some of the windows and doors, and do a nice cleaning of all the cobwebs in the house.

So I discussed it with my folks and my mom suggested that I call the police department to see if I can get information on that area as it is still close to where I live. We drove around the area and it seemed to be a nice neighborhood.

Today I did a search for the address and it turns out that there was a shooting (an near murder) and an attempted sexual assult in that house. Ugh. I won't get into details, but the owner of the house had a drinking buddy who worked with one of the roommates living there. Drinking buddy was fired for drinking too much, got pissed and tried to shoot coworker and rape the other roommate just because, well he was drunk and she was there.

It sounds like he was there hanging out with Owner of said house and then lost it.

Now, houses and apartments and such have violence in almost every neighborhood. However, I'm trying to get out of it, not right in the pit of it. The guy was sentenced to 25 years in prision, however, I'm concerned that if he gets out early for good behavior, would he come to the house looking for the people that put him in jail? Considering the temper, I bet he would.

I don't know if I could put a restraining order on the house, or if there is anything I could do to protect us should we stay there... Or is it even worth worrying about all the time. Or if I'm worrying unnecessarly.

I'd like to go back to the house and check it out by myself sometime. Leave the kiddo at home and leave the agent at the door. I didn't see any woman's things in the house, and the main bedroom smelled "man"...

But all that happened there certianly explained the new carpeting through out the entire house. Is new carpet worth my piece of mind though?

Sometimes I hate my googling abilities.

-MetalRose

Explorers Log Day II 4-29-09

2009-05-29T14:00:00.001-04:00

Explorers Log Day II 4-29-09

Our troops are disheartened by the loss of Kathy and Lyn; however we did get word from our West Coast troops late last night. Their search proved unfruitful as well and they plan on joining on our search this morning in the early hours.

This morning, the fearless leader was the first to hear the calls of the phone, not once, but three times. Our worries yesterday were unfounded, the phone sickness was not so much a sickness, but our own delirium induced our unsuccessful searches.

Still no word on Kathy or Lyn and our troops are starting to wonder if leaving them behind was the best method considering it was our insanity and not theirs that left them for dead. Alright, maybe not dead, we left them for crazy.

Finding cases today seems to be easier, although the elusive phone calls are still hiding. It appears, the larger the group the more mysterious the phone calls are. I wonder if our expedition would be better if we broke off into small groups.

After poising the question to the troops, we decide to split into smaller parties. Luckily both Lyn and Kathy have found their way back to the group. We’re still not sure how they made it back as we tried to lose them late yesterday afternoon, but the hunger of finding a phone call seems to have brought them back to us.

Each split party split into separate groups. I aptly named them Empower, Tech and Business. The Tech pod was kept as a fairly large group still to keep the other two search parties to a very low number.

Our early morning search proved uneventful, however the afternoon proved successful for the Business Group and the larger Tech Group. The Empower Group didn’t have a lot of luck locating the phone calls even though they were a small group.

Thankfully our luck was better than yesterday. With tomorrow being the weekend, I think that we shall reconvene on Monday to continue our search.

You fearless leader

Explorers log 4-28-09 3:25pm

2009-05-28T15:43:00.002-04:00

Explorers log 4-28-09 3:25pm

It’s an over cast day here on the east coast. It's unseasonably cool, but the hunting is just right. The troops are bright with anticipation...

Today we are tracking the elusive phone call. If we sit very still and listen very quietly, we may be able to catch one in it's rarest of form. Be careful of the shrill sound it makes... It may scare you into hitting your ear and saying "Hello!"

Oh no! We are down an explorer. It appears that Kathy has heard the rare sound of the phone bird. Sadly, they are poisonous and she seems to have been caught in the trap. You can hear her crying out from the tell-tale warning signs, "How can I help you?" and "What seems to be the problem?".

While in hot pursuit, another phone rings, but who's? Oh no! It's the fearless leader. Her sickness begins, "Customer support, how can I help you?" Her strong will takes over, "Hello are you there?" A brief moment of silence before she regains her full strength. "I'm sorry I can't hear you, please call back." Her struggle was brief, but she overcame the sickness. Unless it decides to come back again. Let’s hope not.

We continue our search for the cousin to the phone call; the email and a far distant cousin, the "case". In our prior journeys we’ve found that "cases" tend to be a sickness that builds up fast and lingers for a while. However today, everything is eerily silent, a calm before the storm if you will.

Suddenly a buzzing is heard. We quickly turn around. We hear "Lovely" , before Ben was able to fend off the phone sickness. His recovery was quick, but not withstanding. Sadly, appears that Ben may suffer all day with sporadic re-occurring fights with the phone sickness.

Off in the distance we hear Lyn besieged, "Let me hop over and take control." The poor girl is delirious. Her laughter fades in the distance as we try and forage on. We contemplate what the future holds for her. We pay our respects by leaving gray yarn, knitting needles, plastic eggs and cat nip. May the knitting be with you Lyn.

Well, adventurers, we did manage to find a couple of phone calls today, even if the cases seemed to elude us with every step. The casualties are at 50% today with the loss of Kathy and Lyn.

Perhaps our search will do better tomorrow for that ever elusive phone call and perhaps we will hear from our search party in the west as we have not heard word from them in days now…

Your fearless leader

The Start of Jr. High...

2009-05-14T20:52:00.001-04:00

-MetalRose

Multimedia message

2009-05-10T23:42:00.000-04:00

Another service message from MetalRose: Manic panic Wildfire is, surprisingly not red, but hot pink. *Sigh* I should've quit after I started the new fashion trend of the lop sided unibrow.
-MetalRose

Volbeat again

2009-05-08T09:52:00.001-04:00

Joey Sky with Michael, the lead singer of Volbeat. Another mobile blog test.
-MetalRose

Volbeat Images

2009-05-08T09:43:00.001-04:00

Joey Sky with the bass player of Volbeat.

This was a test as I'm trying the mobile blogging thing. Looks like more to come!

-MetalRose

Bringing the house down

2009-05-04T09:07:00.010-04:00

On Friday night, my son and I went to the Webster Theater (gag) in Hartford to see Nightwish and Volbeat.

I've never been a big fan of Nightwish. Musically they are great, but I didn't like Tarja's voice and although Annette's is slightly better, she's still not great. And the down side to her... I don't know if the band took away her mirror or what, but she looks really really rough. Her extensions were horrible and her roots were showing big time.

Regardless, enough of the personal attacks.

Joey Sky and I arrived at the venue at about 8:00, give or take. Kim called me and let me know that parking was a bear. Normally I park on the other side of the parking lot on the street. It took us about 20 minutes just to find a spot. The line was wrapped around the venue and I ended up parking about 3 blocks away.

On the way into the venue it started to sprinkle and Kim was already inside with our tickets. Since Joey Sky and I didn't get a chance to stop for dinner as I promised, we were in line to get a quick bite at the venue. As we were in line, Kim tapped my back. I asked if we'd missed Volbeat and she said, "no, their stuff didn't arrive though..."

Knowing it was the first night of the tour, I freaked thinking their gear didn't arrive and they wouldn't be playing. Turns out it was their merch that didn't turn up. Right at 8:30 we heard the crowd start getting a little roudy. Joey Sky and I walked into the venue and found a good place right on the stairs. He stood on the top one so he could see above everyone's heads. I stood one stair down so I could see as well.

I don't recall the order of their songs, but they played: The Gardens Tale, Sad Man's Tounge, River Queen, Radio Girl, Soul Sweeper , We, I only Wanna Be with you, You or Them, A momnet forever and The Human Instrument. I was sad they didn't play Caroline Leaving. That was the one song I wanted to hear. *Disclaimer, I may be missing a song or two, but I was in such a state of eurphoria I'm surprised I even remembered one song.

It's been a while since I've seen a singer have such fun with the crowd. And every time I turned around Joey Sky had a huge smile on his face. It's been a long time since I've see him have that much fun at a concert.

After the last song, the crew at the Webster tore down Volbeats gear so fast. Even though the crowd was chanting their name, there was no way they'd be able to come back on and play. The speakers and amps were off the stage even before the singer said "Thank you Goodnight!"

Since their merch wasn't there I didn't think they'd be at the merch counter, but I had hoped to get a chance to talk to the band.

The change over from Volbeat to Nightwish was unreal. Even though all the gear was changed over, all the instruments were tuned, they didn't come onstage until almost 10pm. A good 30 minutes later. Now I understand there are only 2 bands and they want to fill time, but that was not the way to do it. The crowd chanted NIGHTWISH at least 4 times, and there were several false starts....

When they finally came on, they came on with an instrumental piece. While it was pretty, my patience was wearing thin. I really like the music of Nightwish, but never have been into the vocals. I wanted to give it a shot live to see if there was a difference. After Annette came out looking like she just walked off the street corner, we listened to about half a song and then decided to take off.

On my way out the door, I noticed Volbeat's guitar player by the bus chatting with some people. I nudged Joey Sky and said, "Guitarist" and we went over to talk to him. After a few minutes, the drummer came out, then the vocalist. Joey got an autograph from all the memebers of the band, but was itching to talk to the bass player. When Michael the singer asked him why, Joey said, "I'm a bass player and I want to ask him some questions."

Michael asked how old he was, Joey Sky said, "Ten." Micheal then said, "If you work really hard, when we come back, and in 5 years, we'll call you up to play on stage with us. How does that sound?" He then handed him a guitar pick and said, "Take that as our word." Joey Sky's jaw hit the ground, we then went and talked with the bass player and he confirmed the same thing. Practice hard and come play on stage with us. I think his poor little fingers were bleeding yesterday....

I spent a good deal of time chatting with the vocalist and the bassist. The bassist had us all in stitches. He was re-telling a story about their tour manager and the airport. Since the tour manager is from Puerto Rico, he's got darker skin. He said that everytime the tour manager would sneeze they would all point and yell "PIG FLU" and run away.

While he was telling this story, Joey Sky and some girl were in front of the tour bus on the side walk singing Iron Maiden's Number of the Beast and reciting Spaceballs.

At the end of the night I did invite Volbeat to hang at my house that night or the next time they were in town. I gave my phone number to the bass player and we headed home.

The next morning I spoke with my mom about Joey Sky playing with Volbeat in a few years. She pointed out, "For all the people you know, you can set this up anytime." While I agreed with her, I think it means so much more for a band to reach out to a fan and invite him on. Even though I'm a rock and roll mom, how cool would it be for him to say, "Dude I'm playing with Volbeat... yeah my mom set it up." Having your mom set up gigs for you is so not rock and roll.

-MetalRose

Nightwish Volbeat Party at Metal's place.

2009-04-09T15:58:00.000-04:00

So I know this was talked about before, but for those of you coming up to Hartford to see Nightwish/Volbeat on 5-1-09 - worry about hotel's any more!

I'll be having a BBQ/ get together either RIGHT before the show or after the show. Those wanting to hang out for the night or drink to much are more than welcome to crash at my place.

There'll be Beer and BBQ (both meat and meatless options available). I do have 2 air mattress and a futon avail at my place, but if you plan on staying bringing your own sleeping bag/pillow/air mattress is greatly appreciated.

Saturday is open for options, but I am only about 25-35 minutes away from 6 Flags New England and about 5 minutes from go cart racing and mini golf. Anyone coming up is welcome! PM me for directions/ phone number, etc.

With stories of my car rolling backwards, roaming abandoned warehouses, etc... how can you go wrong hanging out at my place for the night?

-Metal

Ten months, two graves

2009-04-07T15:17:00.007-04:00

I talked to my mom last night about my sister and her upcoming wedding and home purchase.

From what she said there was a snag in the house buying process. My mom asked me to keep my sister in my thoughts.

Before bed, I was on the phone with a friend. I had gone into the kitchen during the call and noticed a battery operated latern had been turned on. My son was in bed and asleep before I was, and it was pitch black when I went into my room. In reality, I had no idea why I even went into the kitchen. Even more odd, how or why the lantern was on.

It was odd, really odd. All of my doors were locked and dead bolted and I had recently smudged my house. I ended the call to my friend, checked the doors, turned the latern back off and put it on top of the fridge. I locked my son's door behind me and went to bed.

A little before 2pm, my cell phone was ringing. I saw it was my sister. I thought that perhaps she had some news on the house. I went to hit end to the call, and hit the pick up button. I stared at my phone for a minute contemplating hanging up on her and sending her a text letting her know I couldn't talk.

I put the phone to my ear to just tell her I couldn't talk. She then said, "Will you call me right back?" I told her I'd call her back on break, but I could tell something hit her hard. So I asked, "What's up?" She then said, "Do you remember Bob Jeske? Robert Jeske?" My brain scanned, I knew the name, I knew the face, but from where? Ah, yes, Downside of Truth.

The first image that came to mind was Bob and his long brown hair, smile and the bounce he had in his walk. I recalled seeing him at almost every show I'd been to. He'd have nothing if he didn't have a beer, a smile and a hug for every single person in the room.

"Bob, yeah what about him?" There was a brief silence and she said, "He commited suicide last night... From what I understand he got drunk went out in the alley way and started shooting. When the police arrived, he shot the dog and they emptied ten to fifteen rounds into him..." All I could get out to her was, "I'm at work, I'll have to call you later." The words echoed, they emptied ten to fifteen rounds... Those words made it sound like a video game.

I'm still in disbelief, of all the people in the world, there were no warning signs, at least back when I used to see him on a regular basis. The world was his stage and he loved it.

I started looking on line and found a couple of articles. I didn't want to believe it. He had left two suicide notes on his computer and changed his myspace page to read: Mood: DONE and a message stating "I love you all.... goodbye.... I'm sorry." He wanted to end it, but was too afraid to do it on his own. It's not suicide if someone else pulls the trigger.

I can't claim to be Bob's best friend, not on the least, regardless Bob was a friend to all. He never had a bad word about anyone.

Shortly after my break, Gensmer from Epicurean sent me a text, "Did you hear about Bob?" When I talked with Gensmer last night at about 11pm my time, nothing was ever said about Bob being gone. His name must've been released today. Fuck Bob, you know how you felt about T...

The part about getting older that scares me is not my death, but watching those around me die. Last year in May, Earl Root passed away and less than a year later, I have another grave to visit when I return to Minnesota.

RIP Bob. May you be starting a band with Earl, where ever you are.

-Metal

Reappear and speak your final peace

2009-04-03T12:05:00.007-04:00

So now you speak to me in perfect silence
With your divided tongue all tangled up
You try to explain to me
The answers that you hide
I scream to come back to you
Touch my face and set me free
Is it really you?
I want you to be near
I'm all alone here
So now I crawl to you
With my divided soul distorted
Stretching I cannot see you clearly
Am I losing you?
Feeling Fragile and confused
Your absense will make me choose
And you wanted to play the game
Of my bittersweet feelings
I raise my hand and try to
Speak but I
Feel so numb
Holding onto shades of something
Bleeding on the road I walked before
Embrace what's left behind
If you could see me now
As I really am
Would you believe somehow?
It's never good enough to be real
And don't you dare to pretend to care
About my new-found meaning
Forgive my sense of lost reality
And, I will set you free
So hear me now
This weakened voicing
Listen one last time
Don't you rescue me
I found my real salvation
Losing all you have in life
Will teach you nothing
My friend it's ending now
There's nothing left to say

*Note: Sometimes when you can't find the words to say what you are feeling, you search for someone to help you. These words were borrowed from many different songs of the Danish Metal Band Mercenary. I only re-arranged them to say what I don't have the words for.

ProgPower Pictures, FINALLY

2009-03-20T08:07:00.001-04:00

I do my own stunts.

2009-01-29T08:48:00.022-05:00

A few weeks ago, I picked up a new car. Not a brand new car, but a new-to-me car. The image at the right is the same year make and model, the color is hard to see, but it is sea-foam green. I call it the Booger-mobile.

I didn't pay a lot for it, but it runs well and looks nice. Considering what I paid for it, I expected that there are a to be a few issues: One, the windshield fluid doesn't come out. Yes it's full. Talk about annoying. Two, the blinkers work on an infrequent basis. My car likes to PMS. Three, there is a connectivity issue with the battery at times. Four, the gears don't line up to what is matched. For example, to put the car in neutral, I have to line it up with the R. So obviously there are a few things wrong with the car, but considering I was driving a car that I thought would literally fall apart at the slightest bump... I'm ahead of the game.

Yesterday was the first test to see how it would handle on ice. Schools were closed yesterday as well. When that happens, my son goes to my Aunt's house for the day.

The roads home weren't as bad as I thought. Save for the ass-wipe who thought the safest way to drive was right on my tail with their brights pointed directly in my rearview mirror. It only took me about 15 minutes longer than normal to get home. (I'll go off on a tangent another day about how CT plows it's roads...)

Instead of going directly home, I went to my Aunt's to pick up my son. We stayed for about an hour chatting and what-not. I had my aunt look at my head where I slammed it against the staircase on Sunday night. She said she felt the bump, but didn't see any discoloration. Before I heard one more "I'm bored" sigh from my son, I decided it was time for us to leave.

The drive a few blocks to my place wasn't that bad, but I realized that I had forgotten something at my aunts house. I sent my son inside, had him lock the doors and told him I'd be home in about 10 minutes.

Upon reaching my aunts house, her driveway was not shoveled or plowed and decided that parking on the FLAT street would be a better option. I put my car in park and waited inside the car for a half a minute to make sure that it wasn't going to go anywhere. I saw what I had dropped on the driveway. I got out of my car, closed the door, walked three feet, picked up what I forgot and turned around to go back to my car.

Instead of being able to walk back to my car to get in, I saw it slowly rolling backwards on the street. I did the only logical thing, I yelled, "Hey wait!" It didn't take me long to realize that it wasn't going to stop. I quickly thought what my options were: let it roll away and potentially cause an accident or to chase after it.

Before the thought even finished I started to chase after my run-away car as it was going backwords, on a flat surface, on sheer ice... I had no other options.

I started to carefully chase after it as fast as I could trying to both save the car and save myself from falling. About the time the car got to the neighbors drive way, I had tried, unsuccessfully, to open the passenger door 3 times. On the 4th try, it opened and stayed opened!

Now the trick was at it's most dangerous. I had to enter a car, while it's rolling backwords, on top of sheet ice WHILE finding the path of least resistance to get the car to stop in the fastest way possible...

I swung the door open, jumped in and reached out with my left hand and slammed the parking break as hard as I could. I couldn't tell if the car was still moving or not. I could tell it had slowed down, but just when I thought it stopped, I felt it start to roll back again slightly. I pushed the parking break harder and the car came to a final rest.

I needed a minute to comprehend what had just happened. The interior light of my car was on, and I lay face down on front seat, my feet still sticking out the open passenger door. I slowly lifted my head and saw I was parked in front of a drive way. The only drive that happened to have a person in it, shoveling.

Embarassed, I sat up, slammed the passenger door, hopped into the drivers seat. The guy shoveling the snow just stared at me. I took the parking break off and peeled out of there as safely as possible. I could only imagine him running inside to tell his family about the crazy blue haired girl he saw running down the icy roads chasing after her car that backed away from her as if she was a repelling magnet.

On the drive home, I couldn't help but giggle. No one or nothing was hurt or damaged. As I told the story to my son, he literally broke down laughing and decided to call everyone he could think of. The story was almost more funny when he told it, "But then *laugh* she turned around and *laugh laugh laugh* her car was rolling away with out her! *laughing so hard he almost can't breathe* And the guy *laugh* was looking at her *laugh laugh* like, what are you doing lady? *laugh*"

Next time, I'll add a banana peel to the perils that I have to face while chasing my car. I think my good friend Colleen is right: I do live in my own little sitcom.

-MetalRose

Infiltrated by Rock stars

2009-01-12T09:18:00.016-05:00

"You can't park here," A woman in a brown parka and a bright yellow cap tapped on my car window. "You'll have to move over there." Her gloved hand pointed to some arbitrary point in the snow covered parking lot.

It was 12:30 am Saturday night/Sunday morning. My car was stopped just outside front doors of the "bathroom building" of a CT roadside pit stop. I was only about 10 miles from home, even living in Minnesota for as long as I did, the snow in CT was enough to scare me. It's not really the snow, it's the lack of good plowing techniques and the idiot drivers.

As I mumbled something about other cars being parked there, my son started to giggle in the back seat. I was surprised he was still awake. I put my car into drive and circled around the parking lot a couple of times, and then pulled up next to the side walk just a little further down.

I sent a text to the guys in Epicurean, "Roads aren't bad, but the blowing snow and lack of plowing makes it hard to see. Be careful! -MetalRose"

Earlier on Saturday morning, Epicurean's tour bus pulled onto my street and parked in front of my house. I went outside to meet them and saw someone get out of the drivers side of the bus. It was Laramy, the singer. When I moved closer I noticed his stance. I apologized and turned around to head back to the other side of the bus to greet the rest of the band.

Gensmer, the drummer, got off the bus first and gave me a huge hug and introduced me to the remainder of the band. Their line up had changed quite a bit since I left Minnesota, but it was great to see both Johns- Gensmer and Laramy. The new line up was very gracious and the fill in guitarist was on the same label as the last band that stayed at my place. Brian from Luna Mortis was filling in, Eli and Jeremy rounded out the band.. and of course the merch girl, Hanna- who was very much like me. I later found out she loved Asian horror and made a lot of her own clothes. I offered to make her a corset after I found out she'd been looking at $300 custom made ones.

After introductions, I invited the guys and girl inside and we cracked a couple of beers. Laramy offered to leave money for the booze, but I declined. We settled where everyone was going to sleep and set up air mattresses and folded out the futon. Just after 6 am we decided to turn in for the night, well morning. I told the boys that if they got up before I did, there were clean towels on the washing machine and the coffee pot was ready to go.

At 9 am, I woke up to use the bathroom, I had left the living room door unlocked for those who needed to come back into the house. A couple of the guys felt more secure sleeping in the van/bus, I offered a space heater and after they objected. I put it next to the door and told them to grab it if they needed it.

While I sauntered to the bathroom, I saw a figure standing in my living room. We smiled and groggily waved. By the time I came back out, he was gone. Sleep came so easily.

An hour later, I heard Brian talking on the phone. I got up and started the coffee. I had toyed with going to the bus to see if the boys were up yet. I know I had seen Jeremy up earlier, the dilemma was to accidently wake them with coffee or not.

I brought Brian over a cup of coffee, but he said he was good. I dumped it back into the coffee pot and started to put away the dishes while jumping over the air mattress laying the middle of my kitchen floor. I didn't mind them lying there as it was right next to the heater, but I had hoped that the coffee would wake them up.

The hot brew didn't wake them the commotion got them to arise; Laramy opened his eyes and thanked me. He said the club they played at last night was so cold that when they were at the merch booth, you could see the steam rolling off the lips of the people as they spoke. He was so grateful to be warm. Gensmer walked in and headed toward the bathroom. He opened the door and asked where the towels they could use were. I told him they were on the washing machine, he turned around and saw the stack and hit himself in the forehead.

While the griddle warmed up for some home cooked pancakes, Eli ran into the kitchen while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, "Did I hear that right? Pancakes? I heard Brian talking to his girlfriend on the phone and he said, the girl we are staying with is making pancakes! That woke me up! I was like, pancakes SWEET!"

As fast as I could make them they were gone, pancakes, coffee and a couple of glasses of milk. It seemed like chaos in the house as all 5 guys and one girl tripped over each other for the bathroom and to make sure all their stuff was packed. Brian had asked if I would mind hosting Luna Mortis should they be in the area. I told him that as long as I knew at least one person in the band, then my place was open. We exchanged phone numbers for a later time.

I stepped outside to get out of the bands way as they packed. Jeremy, who had turned in early last night and missed the festivities was standing out side. It was nice to finally get to chat with him for at least a few minutes. He thanked me up and down, I told him it's my way of saying thanks for putting us on the guest list.

As fast as they came, they left. I gave them all a hug goodbye and told them I'd see them in a couple of hours. My heart sank as I went back downstairs to my apartment, I half expected to see it looking like a tornado hit it. When I opened the door, the place was just as it was before they came. That always makes me so happy. The worst of it was a pile of towels and a pile of dishes. I sighed and rested on the couch.

After my son's basketball came, we came home, showered and took off. It had lightly started to snow. Driving in CT was very slow and it took almost 20 minutes longer than I thought to get out of there. Once I hit MA, the roads were perfectly clear. It was like night and day. I drove like a bat out of hell to get to the Palladium as fast as possible. The venue was an hour away, and with the roads being crappy, we were behind.

At the Palladium, we walked to the box office, "Hi, we should be on Epicurean's guest list." The woman there shook her head. "Only one band gave me a guest list, and they only had one person on it... and they are in already..." My heart sank, I asked where the merch area is and left Joey Sky as a lien while I grabbed Hanna. She came out and vouched for us, just as we hit the middle of the last song. *sigh*

We stuck around for half of Rotting Christ's set. I peeked out and could tell the roads were getting bad. I told Gensmer that if they didn't think they'd make it to come back to my place. I'd rather see them safe and warm then cold and at the side of the road.

Joey Sky and I followed Gensmer backstage to say our goodbyes. It was really really good to see some home town faces. On our way to the car, we ran into Brian and Jeremy, the last two in the band. Their grinders from Woosta Pizza were exposed to the falling snow and becoming more and more soggy. They didn't seem to mind as we chatted for a few minutes about touring and hanging out. They gave me another hug, shook Joey Sky's hand and told us to drive safe. I turned on my car the clock read 10:30.

The drive from Mass wasn't bad. About half way in, we stopped and grabbed something to eat and a fresh tank of gas. We followed behind snow plows which made the driving go so smooth. Just before the CT border, the snow plows turned off and the roads turned ugly. Cars passed me doing 90 miles an hour on unplowed and untreated roads. The blowing snow made the visibility almost nothing. I couldn't tell where the hills were or where the turns were, after hitting the rumble strips a couple of times, I knew I had to get off the road for a little while. Besides, my bladder was screaming at me.

I pulled off at the first rest stop I could find. I saw three cars parked along the walk way just a head of me. I pulled up behind the last one, it was covered in snow and had been there a while. I figured we'd be ok for a quick pee break. I had just put the car in park when I got a knock at the window. "You can't park here."

-MetalRose

Chains, Flames and Automobiles: Part III The Conclusion

2008-12-10T12:27:00.017-05:00

During the change over from Gojira to In Flames, the crowd started to chant in anticipation. For as bad of a rap that In Flames has gotten recently, the concert goers didn't seem to pay much mind. When I turned to look at R, there was a guy standing next to her. I had noticed him during the Gojira set; he looked young and looked like he was right up against her. I only recalled him as he had joined in our conversation about the guitar that was being used during Gojira's set.

My son was looking forward to seeing a band that he has played many times on Guitar Hero III. Tired during the change over, he sat on the stoop by the rails and rested his head for a few minutes. I took the Momma Bear stance and stood over him protecting him in case anyone tried to fly into that spot at the last minute.

R was in the mood for a drink, but didn't get her wrist band. Our friend Jacques from Belgium offered to get her a drink with his wrist band. He asked if I wanted one as well. When I have my son with me and I am driving, I refuse to drink. But the thought of a beer toyed in my head. I weighed my options and declined. He asked if Joey Sky wanted anything to drink, and my son declined as well.

A few minutes later, he returned and handed R her drink. I could smell the Jack Daniels from where I was and was glad I had declined anything. She sipped on her drink as the 3 of us chatted. After finishing his coke, our friend excused himself for a smoke.

R and I talked about what a cool guy he was, "And he smells sooo good!" she commented. I had to agree. He held our spots, gave us insider information and even got us drinks (or offered to in the least). When we turned back to the stage in anticipation, our friend approached from the back of the venue. "How is it that they don't allow smoking in here, but they won't let people out to have one? That's bullshit..." R and I agreed and mentioned we had just been talking about the lack of control on the underage drinking at that venue.

You see, most show I go to have a separate area for those 21 and over. And you can't bring drinks in or out of that area. Our friend agreed that that was odd as well.

The dimming lights and the noise of the people packed into the venue interrupted our conversation. I turned around to see In Flames coming out on stage. The crowd went wild... Hands were thrown in the air and started clapping in unison. Joey Sky remained seated, which I thought was a little sad.

I watched as Anders Fridén took the stage. He is the former singer of Dark Tranquillity. (Who is another band that performs flawlessly live, even if I did see them with Mikael Stanne. How I ended up calling Mikael on the phone is a story for a different day.) In Flames performed wonderfully live. I could hear Jacques behind me singing word for word. Since he was on key I didn't mind.

A few songs in Joey Sky stood up and starting throwing the horns. Between throwing the horns and banging his head, he asked, "Can we go home now?" I knew he was tired and could tell he was coming down with a cold. I wanted to stay until the end, but also wanted to look at merch. I knew that since the headliner was on, there would be no lines at the merch table and also realized that with 1300 other people trying to get out of the venue, it would be a night mare.

Sadly, it was time to go. I turned to Jacques and told him it was nice meeting him. I made sure he had my email address for when he travelled in the states again. He shook my hand and told my son, "Make sure you only listen to good music. No rap, no country..." My son nodded his head in agreement. I told him to take care and turned to R to tell her that we were going to head to the merch table. She decided to join along.

Joey Sky found an In Flames shirt he wanted and I saw the Gojira table. Checking the cash I had in my pocket, I noticed we could only buy one shirt... but then salvation- The In Flames table had a credit card machine! I told Joey Sky he could pick one shirt and as I paid for that one, I asked the guy at the merch table which Gojira shirt would look the hottest on me. "The blue one" he said. I bought it as we chatted about the tour. After that, we decided to call it a night.

In the parking lot, R made a comment about her "boyfriend" as we passed a car with a "parent" waiting. The drive home was uneventful except for the light dusting of snow. We talked about the concert, the people and R's Underage Make A Wish Boyfriend as he kept coughing on her all night.

After an hour I dropped her off at the hotel and headed home. The farther south I went the harder it snowed. It wasn't a blizzard by any means, but it was distracting, especially with my very dim "brights". The way they were situated it made it worse. I couldn't see the road well and the flurries were blurring the rest of my vision. With my one regular beam, I had no other choice but to go back to the dim light just to see the road. (As a disclaimer, the snow was NOT bad at all to drive in it was a matter of my lights acting wonky while driving).

With just two miles left to getting home, I passed a small strip mall. Even at 2 am, I was surprised when I passed a car in the parking lot. And then it dawned on me, the only reason the car would be there for. D'OH! Of course, the cherries went on. I flipped my blinker and pulled over. I prayed Joey Sky didn't wake up as I pulled out my license and registration.

"Where you coming from tonight?"
"Worchester, Ma."
"Oh yeah? What was going on up there tonight?"
"A concert..."
"Been drinking at all?"
"Not a drop." I was so glad I kept to my rule of no drinking if I'm driving, especially with my son in the car.
"Good. Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"No."
"Well you were driving way too slow. You need to speed it up."
"Uh, oh, really?" I said as I started blankly out my window. I bit my tongue before I said admitted I may have been speeding.
"I'm just teasing, I pulled you over because your headlight is out. Did you know that? Also, you have two break lights out and your license plate light out. Do you have any warrants for your arrest out? I'm going to run your license and I'll be right back."

-MetalRose

Chains, Flames and Automobiles Part II.

2008-12-09T12:59:00.013-05:00

So my new foreign friend let me stand up against the rails along with Joey Sky. I kept asking R if she wanted to get closer, but she declined.

The three of us talked for a while about music. I asked our new friend if Gojira was as good live as they were on the album. His perfect teeth let one word escape, "Better." I hardly believed him as Gojira had very intricate guitar compositions.

Shortly after a few minutes of chatting, the lights went down and the first band went on. I had no idea who they were. I knew is that All That Remains had dropped off the tour, but didn't know who had replaced them. I was kind of looking forward to seeing them, but hearing they dropped off wasn't the end of the world.

I held my hand out to Joey Sky and gave him a thumbs up, a thumbs down or a thumbs in the middle sign. He looked at me shook his head and gave me a thumbs down sign. I agreed. R looked over at me and asked, "Who's playing?" I shrugged my shoulders and told her I didn't know. I asked our exotic friend behind us and he too shrugged his shoulders.

After their set ended the place cheered for them. My group decided they were horrible, flat and very generic. The only saving grace was the last song which was the best... but none of us had any intensions of running out and finding their music. My ten year old son even turned to me at one point and asked, "Who in the world would mosh to this crap? Don't they know what real music is?"

Up next was 36 Crazyfists. I can't say their music ever caught my attention, at least not in the right way. Our new friend said that the drummer always tests his own gear and motioned to the drummer on stage covered in a hoodie. While their music bored me, at least I got a chance to look at the crowd. During the middle of the set they asked if anyone knew who Killswitch Engage was and for the next song Howard Jones joined the 'Fists on stage. Aside from ProgPower (which is a truly unique festival on its own) I have not seen a concert like that in years. The entire show was packed wall to wall to wall.

I watched the crowd sway from one side to the other in a frenzied mosh pit. The cyclone in the middle of the floor swelled with guys as the perimeter of the oval shrank and grew with each song. The rules of the pit were followed. I saw kids being knocked down and others grabbing onto them and helping them right back up.

I saw the signs of "up" and saw person after person being hoisted in the air. The crowd moved as a chaotic one. Fists pumped in the air in unison. For the lack of talent for their music, at least they knew how to put on a good show.

Up next: The Band I had been waiting for: Gojira. They took the stage late and just before they walked up on the raised floor, I saw their set list. I was beyond happy. It was a mix of old and new songs. I couldn't control the movement of my neck. It started to rock faster and faster on its base. Before I knew it my neon red hair was flying in every direction. Even more young kids were raised onto the arms of the sardine people on the floor.

Fists pumped and hands clapped in unison for the French Metal Band Gojira. I could only watch in amazement as this baguette band amazed me. Their music had that live sound to it, but the songs were flawless. They announced it was their last song and I almost cried. I looked at the set list and saw my favorite song To Sirus. I knew they'd be back for an encore. They thanked the crowd and started off stage. I played along for a minute, and my heart sank as the roadies came out to tear down their gear. I guess I wasn't going to hear the one song I wanted to hear.

-MetalRose

Chains, Flames and Automobiles: Part I.

2008-12-08T12:54:00.019-05:00

I called my coworker from the parking lot of the bank, “Hey I’m on my way. I just stopped by the bank and got some cash. I should be there in about 15-20 minutes.”

She replied, “So I’ll meet you in the lobby at about 25 after?”

I agreed as I hung up the phone to start the car. My muffler roared in protest as I backed out of my parking spot and headed towards the great northern sky.

At almost 5:25 on the dot, I pulled into the drop off area of the hotel. "R" was waiting in the lobby and she quickly made her way to my car. "I'm starving!" she declared. I was too. I asked if she wanted to eat at Uno's by her hotel, or if she wanted to try closer to the venue. She said Uno's was the "room service" for the restaurant and that she would rather travel a little bit.

I asked Joey Sky to hand me my iPod from my leather jacket that was laying the back seat. With in minutes, he was asleep in the backseat. It did make the ride a little bit easier and knew that he'd be wide awake through most of the concert. Even though he was using my leather jacket as pillow, I didn't wake him.

The closer we got to the venue, the more hungry we grew. We passed WOOSTA Pizza and decided that was our best bet based on the 0.1 miles to the VENUE as proclaimed by my GPS. Although we still hadn't hit the venue, we hoped for something a little closer and kept our eyes peeled.

A few blocks later we found the venue. There were a couple of parking lots in the area and as I rounded the corner to park, I saw the line for the show. The line extended past the block and had only broken to allow cars into the parking lot.

I decided to park right by the venue, I pulled in and asked the cost. "Twenty dollars" the toothless man stated. I handed him over a $20 bill along with the hopes of getting a tee-shirt. I had a few bucks on me, but if my son wanted a shirt, I was going to get one for him and I'd ask Santa for one for me.

I pulled up a few feet before the man started chasing after me. "Ten, you gave me ten!" he tried to shove the bill into my hands. "No, I gave you a $20. That's all I have in my wallet are 20's..." He protested, "Ten! You give me ten!" His thinning mullet was blowing in the breeze and he was insistent that I only gave him a $10 bill. I was damn sure that I gave him a $20. I pulled into the first open space and opened my wallet. It was one of the ONLY times I got a receipt for the transactions I did at the banks ATM. I counted out my money and felt like an idiot after I realized I did in fact give him a $10.

The wind was whipping in our faces as we walked a few blocks to the pizza joint. Starving we all ate fast and hoped we wouldn't have to wait in long line at the venue. By the time we finished eating our dinner, the line for the venue was right at the door. I got to security and the bouncer standing there points to my wallet chains, "Uh, there is no way those chains are going in..." I give him a look of amazement, "You're kidding me! Really? Can't I just put them in my pocket?" My questions are met with the shaking of a head in a horizontal direction. I pass the tickets to my coworker and son and tell them, "It's too cold for you to be outside. Here are your tickets. I'll meet you by the merch tables. I'll be right back." I took of running to my car.

When I got back to the door the girl there told me I couldn't go in with my safety pins on my jacket. She picked up her security walkie- talkie. I looked at the girl with such distain and said, "I was just told to put my wallet chains away. The guy said nothing about my pins..." She let me in.

I walked down the stairs and turned to the right. R and Joey Sky were sitting right there waiting for me. We found a good spot right behind the sound boards front and center. I saw the wings were open and asked Red why they were open. The guy standing in front of said, "The side over here to the right is for security, to the left is the fan club for Iced Earth..."

He had an accent, it wasn't thick but it was pronounced. He let us up right against the rails, he's seen In Flames at least 13 times, and he said, I was shorter than he was and he could see over my head. The night was only going to get more interesting....

-MetalRose

Beer Promises and hole plots.

2008-11-24T15:46:00.023-05:00

Saturday morning rolled around way too early. My neighbor woke me up at about 7 am with his leaf blowing right outside my window. When my son rolled out of bed, I asked if he was spending the night at his friends house. He said he was.

Just before we hit the dentist, I sent a text to David asking if he wanted to cash in that beer I promised him back in March- ish. I told him I was free after 2 that day. He shot back a while later with "possibly".

I called him after I dropped my son off at his friends house. Sometimes a quick call is easier than a text message. We chatted for a bit and he told me he'd text me later. His text came a little while later something along the lines of having a few bucks, a pack of beer and the night starting like the begining of a Springsteen tune. The plan was to meet at my place around 8 ish and we'd figure out from there what to do.

I stopped at the adult store before heading home to relax a little bit. I watched an old man get out of his car. He could barely pull himself out of the driver seat. I saw his cane come out first. He slowly walked to the entrance where the girls were. He seemed to be a regular there... I don't know which was more sad, the fact that this man is alone in the world, or that he still thinks that these woman really want him. Now while his skin is sagging and hanging off his body, it's sad. Until that point, I'm sure he was just creepy.

After I got home, the afternoon passed quickly as I played the Wii. Shortly after 8:20, I got a call from David. He said he didn't see the street he was looking for. Luckily, he had only gone about 2 blocks past where he was supposed to go. I directed him to turn around and head back a couple of streets. I told him I'd head outside and wait for him.

Moments later, my phone rang, the intro for Amon Amarth's Twilight of the ThunderGods echoed on my phone. Although I love Amon Amarth, sadly it doesn't translate as well onto a cell phone, even as an MP3.

Instead of picking up my phone, I called out in the dark, "David?"

"Yeah, I saw two porches with people on them...."

Although I knew he was getting his hip replaced, the limp in his walk surprised me a bit. I held the door open for him as he carried in a 6 pack of beer. I tried to make idle chat with him, how was the drive? Did you find it ok, etc, etc etc.

I warned him of my narrow stairs and invited him into my place until we could formulate a plan. He asked to put his beer in the fridge while I popped two Corona's left over from Bullets hair dying escapades over two months ago. I remember why I prefer dark beers. Light beers taste like ass. We chatted over booze, I introduced him to the different styles of Metal. Rockabilly metal, folk metal, power death metal. As we talked he had no idea that there were so many kinds of metal and in turn he schooled me in punk music.

After a few beers, I asked, "So what's the plan?" He shrugged. I guess the plan was to hang out listen to tunes and drink some beer. Not really a night of excitement I had planned, but I didn't have any good alternatives. Besides, it made more sense to drink the beer we had and listen to music that we (I) liked at a volume low enough so that I didn't have to use a megaphone to be heard. As our discussion continued, the old abandoned warehouse came up. He had mentioned that he had always wanted to check it out as did I.

I found my flashlight and lantern and asked who was going to drive. David said he'd drive and we headed up to the warehouse in less than 7 minutes. As we were searching for a way to get in, cars drove past and honked. "Move along, nothing to see here..." David mumbled under his breath. After a bit of searching, we found an open door and easily made our way into the dark building.

Both of our thoughts turned to how cool a place that would be for a video shoot. It was sad to see that there was such a large building torn by time and apathy. Part of me was hoping that it would be the start of a bad horror movie.

SCENE ONE:

A couple of adventure seekers enter an abandoned warehouse building with a dimming flash light. One person has a noticable limp and the other has a rough exterior, unbreakable.

SOUNDS OF:

cars rushing by, an old river running and dried leaves on the groud.

The two people enter the warehouse through a hole in the fence and slip into the building mostly unnoticed.

JUMP TO:
View of outside of the building shows the flashlight's reflection on the broken windows and hushed voices inside the building. Diolauge not important, just mutters

PAN OUT TO:

Man covered in blood standing outside the building watching the explorers. Camera pans down to a bloodied metal nail file and then follows a drip of blood onto the ground. Pan back to POV of bloodied man watching people in the building

As much as I had been anticipating the start of a cool horror movie, sadly nothing of the sort happened.

As we hit the 3rd floor stairs, there was a board covering the entire stairway. We decided to stop there. It was a cold night, the flashlight was dimming and I think the need for beer and peeing was greater than what we were about to find... Which would have been not too much. I had hoped to find something eerie like an old abandoned hospital.

With our anticipation shattered we called it a night, but decided to perhaps try and search the building again during the day sometime, when the temprature would be warmer as well as the lighting much better.

Back at my place, David asked if I minded if he had another beer. It was barely midnight and was enjoying the conversation and misadventures of our adventures, so I grabbed a couple more beers and sat on the couch opposite of him. As he scrolled through my movies we decided to end the night with a bit of Monty Python and The Meaning of Life. His request. For someone who claims to be so miserable, he certianly laughed quite a bit.

As he got up to leave, I mentioned I was a little disappointed at the warehouse. I tried to argue that falling into a hole and being impaled while searching the building would have been a good way to die, he argued that regardless, I would die by falling in a hole. The arguement was useless. "Here, I grabbed this as a weapon. You know in case we encountered anyone." David said casually as he reached in his back pocket and gently tossed a metal nail file on my coffee table.

His justifying his weapon was as useless as me trying to convince him that my hole death was really hard core.

Sunday morning I went to get a bottle of water. I opened the fridge and noticed that David had left a couple of beers on the top rack. I sent him a text message: "I'm holding your remaining beers hostage. We'll have a nail file fight to the death."

-MetalRose

Gay Bars, Goth Clubs and Foot massages.

2008-11-10T18:52:00.001-05:00

Friday night Bullets and I had plans to head to New Haven on Friday for a Goth Night at a club called Partners.

I left the planning up to Bullets, and when I searched for clubs in New Haven, the only one I found with a Goth Night had Gay Nights on Fridays. I wanted to make sure we were hitting the right market.

Those of you who know me know I don't care one way or the other the type of crowd at a bar or their sexual orientation. So Friday night rolls around and I put on my Gothic best, right down to my trademarked false eyelashes. I felt a little fat as my hip that I smashed at work is STILL swollen beyond belief.

Anyway we find the club and I walk in and my old co-worker Peter was there. He was drinking a Shirley Temple. He relayed that the bartender gave him an odd look, but he said, "Look I'm standing here under a picture of a man with a hard on stroking himself... I think I'm secure enough to order a Shirley Temple...." We chatted for a little bit about the Harford and the 500 jobs it plans to cut in the next few months... Making me so happy I jumped the sinking ship.
There really isn't much to tell about the club itself save for the music. What the fuck is with the crazy club music that is pseudo rigged to sound like goth/trance music? I was tempted to run to my car and get some real goth music like The Last Dance, Bella Morte, The Cruxshadows and Eisbreisher (although they are more industrial).

My friend Peter pointed out before he left, that we were indeed the "ElderGoths" When the hell did that happen?

At about 12:30 Bullets wanted to take off, and I suggested that we hang around for a while to see where the night took us. He kept coming back from smoke breaks talking about how his buddy Ed would love the "latina" club on the first floor. Only at the end of the night did I clue him in that the club downstairs was actually a gay bar... I suggested he bring his buddy Ed... Oh how fucking funny that would have been had I not clued him in!

Before we bolted for the night, Bullets asked me to hold his beer so he could have a smoke. I was wearing my clunky boots so I decided to sit down. A few minutes later, this guy came over and asked if he could massage my feet. *Shrug* What the hell?

So I pulled off my boots and handed him one foot at a time. We chatted for a little bit and he said he was looking for a lover. Uh, no thanks. Not my thing. Not in that aspect. I'm happy being single and if I wanted a steady piece of ass, well I won't get into that right now. Back to Friday night.

I'm sitting on the chair having my foot massaged one at a time when Bullets walks back in and looks at me. His look was of total WHAT.THE.FUCK? It was priceless. I handed him back his beer and he turned around. I have no idea what he was looking at... but I was having a good time.

I told the guy giving me a foot massage that I'd give him my number, and I had planned on giving him a fake number... Yes, the foot massage was nice, however, he was NOT attractive in the least, but it was a free foot massage and it gave the guy pleasure as well, so it was a win-win. When the guy went to find a pen, Bullets wanted to take off, which I can't say I minded. The guy who was massaging my feet had planted himself on a chair at the bar and was happily talking with people. I guess getting my phone number was not the first thing on his mind... Then again, he did ask me to come home with him and I turned him down, perhaps he knew I was going to blow him off.

I do know one thing though- thank god for being Sober Cab. It makes the escape so much easier...

-MetalRose

It's 3:30 Do you know where your children are?

2008-10-16T13:21:00.004-04:00

My son's school ends at 3pm. He is supposed to call me daily at 3:30 to check in with me, unless he goes to the afterschool program instead of his after school care.

Yesterday I didn't hear from my son at 3:30, so I waited until about 3:40 as maybe the bus was running late. I kept calling him and calling him and calling him. I couldn't reach him. So I called the SVP of the company at 3:50 and told him I had to go. I then called my mom and said, "IcantgetaholdofJoeySkyI'monmywayhomerightnowCallhimpleasegottagobye." and hung up the phone as I peeled out of the work parking lot.

I called my aunt who lives a few blocks away to see if he had gone home. About 20 minutes later, I still hadn't heard of anything was freaking out. Every single person in front of me was driving about 5 miles an hour.

As I pulled off my first exit, my car started to stall. Shit. I had planned on getting gas last night after work, but not being able to get ahold of my son, I had to just go and find him. (Side note to the waste of life Casey Anthony It only took 15 minutes for me to go into panic mode and I had 3 other people on the search with in 20 minutes, not 20+ days. She's gone and you know what happened to her. ) As I pulled off the ramp, my car started to buck, I had to hit my gas harder just to move the car.

In the midst of not being able to locate my child, I had to stop and get gas. I don't know how much I put in my tank, but today I'm back on "Low fuel" light again. I most likely only put in enough to get home.

Talk about panic. I was not able to reach my son for more than an hour, my heart was being torn in two for that entire hour. I was in tears driving and tailgating every single person. Which I know is dangerous.... but if your child was missing, wouldn't you too?

In the end, he had a half day of school and went to the other afterschool program, which he was instructed to do. Which made me proud, however, there was nothing listed on the school website about it being a half a day.

Even thinking about it my heart skips a beat. But as I said, he was where he was supposed to be.

In other news, my home computer is still dead. The Trojan Virus has eaten it and I haven't got the cash to get it fixed right now. So my internet time is very limited.

I've got to update on the car accident, clothing projects and work issues... I need to get my ProgPower memories out, even if I can't add the pictures yet.

Anyway, back to work for me.

-Metal

And summer slowly fades away.

2008-09-02T20:54:00.000-04:00

With the shade of my hair turning back from purple to a crimson red, I feel only slightly ahead of the trees turning colors.

Summer has gone already, although I love the fall, I hate the winter.

Joey Sky started school today, and I was back at work. Crazy trainer is still driving me nuts and today I got in trouble for finding and fixing an error before she was even out of bed. Gee thanks for the kudos on that one. /scarcasm.

Now that I'm over my jet lag, life at home is back to being slightly interesting again.

The douchewaffle that was arrested for threatening kids decided the front door of our house was his personal battering ram during a fight with his sister. He literally took the door off it's hinges.

Today I thought there was a gas leak in my apartment, so as I was standing outside waiting for the gas company to come over, he walked over to me and asked to borrow a lighter.

I promptly informed him that he was no longer welcome at our place as he had damaged our door. "It was an accident" he said. I replied with, "No it wasn't. If you're pushing that hard on a door and it comes off it's hinges it wasn't an accident..." and then told him if he wanted to damage shit, to do it on his own property as we were sick of it. He then said, "Did you see it? Do you have it on camera?" I replied with yes and no. He then said, "Fuck this" and walked upstairs to get a lighter from the neighbor who had just been informed there was a GAS LEAK in the house.

So what does douche waffle 1 and 2 do? Well douchewaffle 1 comes walking out of the house with a lit cigarette. Smarts, let me tell you they are everywhere here. Interestingly enough, not one person came to his defense, except the people on the 3rd floor who only said, "The land lord never said anything about him not being here..." To which I replied, "I'm the building manager, and he is not allowed back on this property." Not another word was said before the degenerate decided to take off down the street.

Back to the weekend. Saturday night Bullets came over. He wanted his hair redone... of course since I love hair and love dying hair, twist my arm. It took a couple hours to do but from what I understand it looks awesome.

I put some Red in Joey Sky's hair as well. Looks really killer.

Other than that, getting ready for ProgPower. I was trying to sew my corset, but the sewing machine I have isn't stiching right, so I called my cousin and asked to borrow hers. I hope she'll let me.

Car issues- my car is going to shit again. Took it into the repair shop while I was in Spokane for work. Got a call that the guy isn't going to fix it, not worth the time or money. Cool. But the issue is the same one I had oh, 10 months ago. So I take it back into the repair shop where I had it done before.

The guy starts trying to rip me off from the get go. He tells me I need a new hose, spark plugs, etc... bascially running up another $800 bill with out getting to the source of the issue. This is what he did last time, ran up $800 in minor repairs and 4 days later the head gasket blew.

With the head gasket potentially going again, he said I was about 200 miles over the warranty. He's got to be fucking kidding me. A head gasket is only supposed to last 10 months and 12K miles?

I bascially told the guy to bite me.

So yeah, a bit here and there, but life is good and I'm excited for ProgPower this year! Should be a killer time.

Oh, and side note to Bullets- If you're wearing an Iced Earth shirt while saying you hate Power and Progressive Metal make you look really silly. ;)

-Metal

Thrifty

2008-08-15T20:17:00.000-04:00

I'm so tired. Once I get on a roll, I don't stop. My recent thing is sewing, hand sewing. I bought a book a while back, 101 things to do with a T-Shirt.

A couple of days ago, I was out at the local Crap-Store (Target, Walmart, KMart, whatever) to pick up some travel items for my work trip to Spokane this coming week. I saw a shirt that I really liked the style of, but didn't want to purchase it. Besides it gave me a creative idea and I wanted to do some modifications to it. I bought a couple of black shirts and decided to construct it myself.

Good idea in theory.

I got home, pulled the sleeves off the one, then made a hood out of another shirt, and from a 3rd shirt made long sleeves. Then started to hand sew everything together. While I do have a sewing machine. I figured I'd have better control of the seams if I did it by hand. While I do, I became so involved with it, I've been up to 3 am every night working on this shirt. The shirt is sewn together now, but it's time for the embellishements.

I woke up yesterday with a massive ach in my arm from all the stretching and movement I've been doing of it. Seriously. Hand sewing is hard work!

In other news:

Got my plane ticket to Atlanta today, $167 round trip from Hartford! Last time I checked flights they were around $700! Good deal for me.

I'm getting excited for ProgPower...

With that, I need to get cleaning and get packed and get some sleep. If I could ONLY keep away from my needle and thread.

I wonder if they'll let me take them on the plane...

-Metal

Through the Styx on the way to Boston.

2008-08-07T02:36:00.002-04:00

I was supposed to work until 5pm today in order to cover the phones while someone was being trained in.

She called in this morning as her water broke. I called my super and asked if he still wanted me to stay late, hoping that he wouldn't. Thankfully, I could leave at 4 as normal.

3:45 pm, I started shutting down my computer applications, praying that no one called. The day had been slow to that point and I hoped the Gods weren't playing a joke on me. Luckily, Karma had it in. For all the times I stayed late, today I walked out the door at 4:02pm. I had places to be tonight.

****

My aunt and I arrive at the casino at the same time. She told me to meet her at the box office. I follow the directions given by casino employees and end up getting lost. It's true what they say about casinos- they are shaped like a maze and everything is in loops. It's hard to tell from the outside, but inside it's loop after loop after loop.

I finally met up with my aunt to get my ticket with an hour to spare before the concert. "Here," she says as she hands me a massive ticket and a backstage pass sticker for the after show. "Cool" I say as I peel the back and slap it on my leg. "We get to be special tonight".

I follow her back to the resturant where her and her friends were eating. The table only sat 4 and there wasn't enough room for me. In fact I got evil stares from the waitresses as they passed by carrying armloads of food and milkshakes to starving customers. She mentions that my cousin is at some BBQ joint and I excuse myself from their company to find the rest of my family.

Although the Mohegan Sun Casino is nice, there were too many shops. If it weren't for the ringing of the slot machines and the abundance of slow walking elderly blowing away their Social Security checks, I would have thought I was at a mall.

I wander up the stairs, avoiding the escalators at all costs and take off to the right to see if I can find the rest of my brood. As I peer in the windows of the resturants I pass, people gawk at me as much as I them. At the last stop, I see the rest of my family sitting around a large table eating their dinners.

I push pass the crowd and make my way to the table. This place was only slightly less crowded than the last. At least there is enough room for me to stand by the table and chat for a minute. My cousin offers me a chair and I refuse trying to excuse myself to find a beer and have a smoke before the concert starts.

Having no luck finding a good place to sit and drink for a short time before the concert began, I make my way into the Arena. *Sigh* My first true Arena Rock concert. Inside the doors, I spot the Sam Adams cart. I'm dying for a Sammy, but they won't take my card so I'm reduced to drinking a $6 Bud Light from a cheap plastic bottle.

I pass my ticket off to the person at the door and they escort me to my seat. Not bad. We're on the floor, about 7-10 rows back, and I happen to have the middle seat ticket, which is right behind a very short kid. Nice.

I nurse my expensive cheap beer for a few minutes until my family arrives. My cousin tries to convice me to take her to a metal show. She said she'd even allow me to dress her. Then she decides it's beer time for her and her friend. I slam mine down and decide that if I'm going to pay for one expensive bottle of beer, I might as well buy two knowing full well that one of their beers could buy me at least a 6 pack of the same brand at a package store.

My cousin Kim, who is Tom's wife, stopped by to say hello, she took off as Styx hit the stage. I slam my second beer down and realize I have to pee. And since I'm in that area, why the hell not get another beer? A few minutes later, I sneak back to my chair, stepping on everyone's toes on the way back.

I'm sure the people in my row loved me. But you know, once you break the seal, it's over.

Boston took the stage after about a half hour change over. I missed it all as there was a black curtian up and I too had to join the hordes of smokers. A group came near me an I could hear them muttering about not being caught. Well, gee, I wonder what they are doing. Then they moved over slightly and I follow. I offer them the cover of my clove cigarette smell. I might not smoke it, but dammit, it's a concert gotta be cool.

I buy my last beer from the girl at the counter. I think I keep going back because she flattered me. Her and her boss thought I was only 19 while her co worker swore I was 25. They about fell over when I told them I'd hit 30 in about 6 weeks. I don't mind being carded though, makes me feel young and the fact that I fool most people into thinking I'm younger... well then I can't blame them.

I stumble back through the doors to the seating area. The security at the door dont' even check my ticket anymore. In a crowd of a couple thousand, I take it as a compliment that I stick out. Then again, having to pee every 10 minutes really is helping the cause too.

I get into my seat in enough time to see the curtain fall for Boston. The crowd immedatly got to their feet and started dancing and clapping. I too got to my feet and jived with the music. Even though my earplugs muffled the sound, the tone was perfect. Not a note off and not one instrument or vocal coming through or fading out more than what was supposed to.

I miss seeing concerts like that where the sound is immaculate. During one of the ballads, I sat down and my body started to fall alseep on me. My eyes closed and I fell into the music just letting my body rest. I hate being the old fart who falls alseep at shows, especially when every one in my group has a good 10+ years on me.

After the final band bow, and we were pushed over to section 14 to wait for the after show party. My cousin was a little disappointed as she was expecting it to be like the 80's- drinking, drugs, groupies.. but no. We were sent to the buffet room to hang out for a while until the guys were ready.

Granted our total wait time was only about 15 minutes, which was suprising to me. I expected to wait more than about 30 minutes. A few minutes of being the room and I have to pee again. I ask if there is a place I can go and I'm escorted through what the security calls, "secret backstage area" everything in there was secret. Secret dumpster, secret wall, secret pillar, secret bathroom.

It was slightly amusing has this been my first rodeo, but it wasn't and her banter wasn't really that cute. I don't get star struck anymore, and being backstage, while cool, isn't that impressive to me any more. I probally have more passes and stickers than she could shake a stick at.

Shortly after I get back to the green room, I hear a loud applause. It's Gary. He starts on one side of the room and starts shaking everyone's hand. I notice his eyes are blank, almost like what he was doing was a menial part of his job. Although he didn't act like it. When he got to my aunt, she started to gush about how great he was on stage and how cool it must be. I start to get embarassed.

I don't act like that in front of famous people anymore. I've been spoiled so much around big name musicians, I see them as normal people. Sure I'll talk shop here and there, but I'm sure the musicians are just as tried of hearing the same old cliches as they are repeating them back to appease the person to feel grateful. "Great show tonight! You were awesome!" "Thanks for coming." "It's a pleasure to see you."

Shortly after Gary leaves our table, I hear another round of applause this time it's for Michael Sweet. I was hoping to get a chance to talk to him for a moment.

When Boston played in Minnesota, my family out there went to the show. My mom called me later the next day and told me she had a long conversation with Michael. She never really gave me specifics on it at all, but needless to say, it really affected her in a good way. I wanted to make sure I said something to Michael about it.

Michael is stopped about 3 people from us and bombarded with fans. I don't want to present myself as a groupie, as I'm not. I'm just a messanger. Just as he moves over, Kim comes to bring us to see Tom. We walk by Michael and he stops us to say hello.

He extends his hand to me and looks in my eyes as he does and spurts the cliche, "Thanks for coming." His eyes have the same look that Gary's did. "Michael, it's nice to meet you. I don't want to keep you, but you met my mother in Minnesota a few weeks back." His eyes lit up and he let out a genunie smile.

He doesn't look old at all, and only gives his age when the lines around his eyes crease with recogonition, I continue, "After the show she called me and said she spent a good deal of time talking with you. She didn't give me details at all, but I wanted to let you know that you spending that time and talking with her really touched her." His other hand moved to top mine and he asked me my name. He then said, "thank you,'' and I could see in his eyes that he meant it. As I moved to let the person behind me say their thoughts, he complimented my purple hair. (As a disclaimer- NOTHING inapproiate was discussed between them from what I understand and from what my mother said, it felt like old friends talking.)

I quickly followed out behind my family to see Tom. I hadn't seen him since he sat next to me at my cousins wedding where we talked briefly about the future of music. I can only imagine to his delight that the house was full and that the crowds have been kind.

I again became embarassed when my own family started pulling out cameras and getting pictures with him. All I could think was, "This is family! You don't treat your family like rockstars..." I feel that posed pictures backstage at a show dehumanized him. At least he was very gracious.

As my family tapered off, I too decided it was time to head home. I ran into Michael one more time and wanted to finish talking to him. He was in the middle of signing something and I didn't want to bother him, but he waved me over. I explained, "I wanted to let you know one more thing, but I was off to see Tom." Upon hearing Tom, he tried to flag him down, but I explained that I had already seen him and was on my way out the door, but wanted to mention one last thing to him.

While I said my final piece to Michael, he again became at ease with me. It was short and sweet and as I shook his hand one last time, he put his hand on my shoulder in a sweet gesture and wished me well.

I am escorted from backstage and caught up with my family who had left just before I did. They ask how I got out of a different door. I shrug. I guess I always get the special treatment where ever I go. *wink*

I walk them to their doors and try unsuccessfully to find my way out. My smokes are gone and I want to buy a pack before I left anyway. Back in Minnesota, the cigarettes in the casino's were always dirt cheap, so I assume the same there as well. For $10 a pack, I decide the long drive home down the dark twisted tree lined roads of Connecticut would be better spent smoke free.

-Metal

Time to myself.

2008-08-05T19:31:00.010-04:00

Time to myself is a dangerous thing.

As I drive the back country roads on my way home from work in Agawam, Mass to the slums of Rockville, where driving ten miles takes you 35 minutes, I realize I'm restless again. I hate numb, numb is sadly comfortable right now. And in the very least, numb is a feeling... And now that Joey Sky is with Grandma and Grandpa for a few more weeks, I find myself even more restless and misunderstood.

It's no lie that I am confident and have my head on straight, it;s just that I've accomplished so much in the last few years, I feel that I've lost direction and don't know where to go next.

The open window blows cool summer air through my purple hair and the smell of my clove cigarette drifts out my window, my eyes hidden by the dark brown lenses of my sunglasses, I should be enthralled by beauty, but it was just another commute to get home. I should hit the gym tonight, to train for the marathon, but I can't bring myself to steer my car in that direction. I miss driving in the larger cities and seeing the variety of people.

I'm a people watcher by nature, and everyone has a story, when I used to drive through Hartford, I used to make up great stories for the people that I was passing. I used to give them great lives, but the ones that looked worn out and run down, I gave them great tragedies. But each person had a different story.

I sometimes wondered if the person at the bus stop was doing the same for me. Thinking I was on my way home from a great high paying job to go home and get dinner ready for my husband and children and then feed the left overs to my dog. Then we'd all sit around the table playing board games... I too imagined them imagining a different life for me. That was when the living day by day caught up with me. I've tried to live for each moment and in the meantime, missed the greater goals in life...

Don't get me wrong... I'm just lonely right now. For as much as I say I'm ok being alone, most of the time I am... but then I have a family to come home to, right now I don't.

The trees wrap around Route 83 and the roads narrow, my mind sometimes drifts to the day that the roads were started with covered wagons. How life was just life. When women married young and had large families. Where even if they weren't content, they had to accept what life they had.

I blow my last stream of sweet smelling smoke out the window and toss the butt out the window and wonder if I would have made it back then, or if I would have caused waves...

I snap back to the song on the iPod. It's a friend of mine singing a song for a girl he loves. The vocals are off and the song wasn't mastered right. I don't care, it makes me want to fall in love all over again. And I need to hear his voice right now. It always brings me comfort. For a moment I pretend he's singing it for me.

My mind races to a time where it could have been, if only we hadn't been so blind. It's true, you never do get over your first love, and if only I had been his, perhaps he could have loved me the way I loved him. But the memories we had were fond and loving and I don't regret letting him have my heart, even if I couldn't have had his. I can only avoid the true pain in his voice by fooling myself into thinking that if the song wasn't meant for me in some small way, he wouldn't have sent it to me.

Could it have been different, should it have been different? My mind races and brings me to a similar, but different spot:

For all the men who regret losing me, it brings me no solace. It brings only hurt. The old line of "It's not you it's me..." no longer holds water. I know it's me. I push people away because I can't feel anymore. Or maybe I don't want to feel.... Sometimes feeling numb is better than the pain. And I'm getting to old to feel anything anymore.

You see, I'm not looking for marriage, but I've figured out that if no one is willing to fight for me, I can only fight for myself. And if I do end up alone, well then I won't be disappointed.

It sucks to have people walk away and then want to come back. I can't go back, but not out of strenght, out of fear. History has a way of repeating itself, you know.

I glance out the window and see the Castle very close to the corners of Route 83 and Route 286. Routes. When did I decide that driving routes with numbers instead of streets with names was the way I wanted to live? It bothers me that I'm so far away from the city. I love the cities. And I now work with a private company that deals with only farmers? I really like my new job, but when did I become a country girl?

The road slowly turns to a little bit more of a civilazation... I see a grocery store on the horizon. I need groceries.I have some bread and mac and cheese at home. I've got one extra roll of toilet paper, and I need dish soap, and maybe some more bread...I should stop, but I don't I keep going until I hit the liquor store.

I wonder around the store a little bit checking out the bottles of wine. I pick up a couple of bottles of Beringer Wines. Maybe I thought of my sister and her up coming wedding. Dear God how I hate weddings. It's only 3 weeks since the engagement and my sister's already become a Bridezilla.

I pull out of the parking lot with two bottles of wine and a 6 pack of Sam Adams Cherry Wheat beer. The street I usually take is closed. The bridge is ou and that pisses me off. The machinery hasn't moved in weeks.

I pull into my parking space and my neighbor is sitting on the porch. I open my back door of my car and make a comment about a dinner party so I don't look like a lush. I'm sure he knows I'm lying, but doesn't call me out on it.

I text my friend Bullets and ask if he's up for a beer. "No sorry kind of busy but thank you sweetie." I text back that maybe we can get together over the weekend. I'm lonely right now and could really use someone to spend time with. Someone to share a living space with me for a couple of hours someone with whom I care about. But I don't tell him that, I don't want to seem vunerable.

I power up my computer and decide that I need to hear my friend singing to me. I let myself fall into that fantasy for a while as my second Cherry Wheat coats my stomach and the aromatic air of the clove drifts from my ash tray. Perhaps there is a slight romantic side in me. The side that longs for the high school crushes of long ago... Way before my heart was shattered time and time again, long before I became bitter and jaded.

My phone beeps with a new text message and I'm drawn out of my wonderlust. It's Bullets.

"Maybe".

-Metal

Geek Patrol.

2008-07-27T20:57:00.000-04:00

It's offical. I'm a full fledged geek... I spent about 15 hours over the weekend validating codes against application print screens to make sure the code matched up to what was being shown and to make sure the screens flowed smoothly.

I also drank 2 cups of coffee (which I haven't had in, oh, 3-4 years) so in my down time, I wrapped my blanket around my neck and pretended I was a super hero.

Cool points up for grabs, I think after this weekend, I have 24 hours to turn them over before they are confiscated...

-MetalRose

Overtime Rules

2008-07-26T21:37:00.002-04:00

Friday night, I took off down to NYC. Got a text message from this kid (22year old) I hung out with ONCE. Here's the back story:

We hung out once, we drank beer and played Guitar Hero. He tried to get me to give him a blow job, but unless you're a rockstar, not on first meeting there Sparky. Basically all week he's been texting me for a booty call. While there is a part of me that would seriously fuck his brains out. He's way too desparate and playing too many games. And although he's got a killer body, he's not that hot and while he expects a blow job, he said he won't return the favor.

We talked about getting together on Monday night and he blows me off. He texted me on Tuesday and I told him I had a friend over and he told me to text him later if I wanted to get together. Um, what part of my text did he not understand??

Anyway, last weekend when we were hanging out, we had plans to get together tonight as I told him I was heading to NYC last night. So what does he do? He sends me a text message last night asking what I'm doing. Dude, I'm in NYC and I told you that. Then he sends me a text message, "Oh well I'll guess I'll do something else." Yes, please do. I'm not at your beck and call. Then I get another text message, "Why didn't you text me the other night?" I responded with, "I'm out."

Alright Grasshopper, enough. 1. You blew me off first, and didn't have the respect to text me when you couldn't make it. 2. I told you I had a friend over and I wasn't going to text you. 3. You're not my boyfriend 4. You're too desparate. I don't find desperation sexy. 4. I don't play games. 5. You expect me to go down on you, but won't return the favor? 6. Your choice in music sucks. Need more reasons? Bye-bye.

So anyway, last night in NYC was a blast. I got a chance to see Saints of Pain play and met a ton of cool people and run into some old friends. Hung went on late and after one song I had to bail which really sucked. Their sound last time I saw them was terrible and they sounded a hell of a lot better last night, but I have to work this weekend.

On the train home, I feel asleep as I knew I was going to get home very late, well early in the am. I kept my ear open for all the stops along the way, but missed the New Haven (end of line) announcement. I hear this loud, "EXCUSE ME! We're in New Haven..." Some random guy on the train took it upon himself to wake me... which I found kind of funny.

We've got a big project roll out and I offered my time. Lately, I've been admitting what a geek I am. I used to try and deny it, but I am. I called in at 11 am as directed in order to get the offical start time for the project. I rolled into the office at about 12:45 as directed... It was nice that I didn't have to work at 8 am.

So I spent all day comparing spreadsheets and databases and logging pass/fail codes from a sampling of account numbers. For the most part, there were only a few little bumps in the road. I really enjoyed doing it and being a part of it... and having that extra overtime doesn't hurt in the least either.

Tomorrow, back to the same thing. The project goes live tonight after all our checking, and tomorrow we spend about 10 hours making everything went smooth and we'll be back to checking data again.

The geek in me is looking forward to helping out again.

So that's life lately.

-Metal

So the marathon.

2008-07-14T21:21:00.001-04:00

I've been thinking a lot about the marathon. From what I've read, most recommend running at least a year (and 25 miles a week) before trying out for a marathon.

By no means does that mean I'm going to quit. However I know I have to slowly build up to that. Right now I think I'm going to start my training after ProgPower and hit it hard. That way I will have most temptations out of my way. Mostly smoking and junk food.

I'm going to keep hitting the gym as I did before, but I think I'm going to strive for more cardio each week and slowly build up my running... well start running. But I'll get to that slowly.

I'm hoping to drop a bit of weight and am really going to watch what I eat even closer.

Tomorrow, I'll set up an appointment with a doctor in the area, get my thyroid checked and talk to him about training for a marathon and get his advise and thoughts so I don't hurt myself.

I never planning on running the marathon in the next 6 months and by the looks of it my first marathon may be in spring of 2010- Which after ProgPower will give me about 15 months of training. That may move depending on if I am physically able to do it as the last thing I want to do is hurt myself. And I'll have to run other half marathons and marathons in the area in order to qualify for something larger - IE the Boston Marathon.

Either way, I'm scared shit less, but that motivates me all the way.

-Metal

Disappointed

2008-07-13T12:44:00.001-04:00

I joined a gym back in March/April with the goal of going twice a week. So far I've only missed on week- two work outs. This is because my upstairs neighbors are watching Joey Sky and I don't want to take advantage of that. However I'll be working out damn near every day when he's in Minnesota.

But I'm frustrated as I had two goals when I started working out, the main one was to quit smoking. I wanted to have a good six months under my belt before ProgPower so that my will power would be strong. I've always started smoking at ProgPower. I failed at that.

The second was to lose some weight or tone up. My clothes aren't fitting any better, in fact, they are tighter. A few years ago, I had a border line issue with my thyroid, so I think I'm going to have that checked again...

But in the last few weeks, I've been toying with the idea of training for a marathon. I know it's going to kick my ass, but I really need something for that extra kick to help me accomplish the short term goals. I kind of realized that the short term goals are easier to brush off if I don't have a long term goal...

And now that things are kind of settled down in life- job, home, etc I have to set something else to accomplish or I feel like I'm drifting along.

So over the next few weeks, I'll be researching marathons and how the runners train. I'll also see how much it is to register for a run and other such things.

Interestingly enough, I'm setting a goal for something that I never liked doing- running. My biological father used to run religiously and I hated when he signed us up for the "fun runs"... but aside from biking or swimming, I think this would be the best way for me to "kill two birds with one stone" and reach my short term goals all while striving for the long term.

-Metal

It still breaks my heart

2008-07-10T23:33:00.001-04:00

Last November, I got my first child support check ever. Although it lasted longer than I thought it would, I never got the full amount and it ended in April.

Last night, I tried to call my son's father to see if he had quit his job. I called the only number I had for him and got voice mail. I didn't leave a message, but a few minutes later, I got a call back.

The woman on the other end demanded to know who I was, and when I told her, she lighted up.

It was my ex's other child's mother... and she had some bad news. Her and my ex had broken up. My heart sank.

She and I talked for quite a while, and her story was exactlly the same as mine... and the one before hers... and I'm sure the one after hers.

My heart broke when she told me they were no longer together. Four different woman, one story. It's all the same. He finds a young girl, gets her pregnant, isolates her so she feels she can't live without him, he walks all over her, she gets smart and fights back, and he leaves...

And in the long run, the only person who is hurt is the innocent children in this whole thing. He thinks that if he can ignore the mother, the child will go away, and that by not taking part in the child's life, he thinks he's hurting me (and the other mothers) but in all reality, he's hurting his children.

I feel betrayed because I thought for once, he had changed. From the outside my son's father seemed like he was getting his life together and accepting what he had brought into his own life. He had been with a job for more than a few months and was actually paying child support. And there was a part with in me that considered turning in paper work to lower the laughable amount of $199/month so that he could have a little more money to take care of the son he was then taking part in raising.

This man has a pattern of finding young girls (around 18-19) and isolating them. He eventually gets them away from all their friends and makes them prisioners. They are forced to wait on him hand and foot while he can do what ever he wants, talk to whomever he wants... but his girlfriend can't even talk to a male family memeber with out being accused of cheating.

This man is so insecure and so afraid that he can't find a woman his own age whom he can control.

He has a pattern of always being the "victim" in order to endear these women to him and then again uses it to quit jobs. It's always the same thing, "The ex's won't let me see the kids." or "I do ten times more work than that person, but get paid less... I quit" or "My father left me when I was 8."

Joey Sky wrote a paper in school. He wrote that he wished his father and I had never broken up and that he would think later in life his dad was dead because he would never hear from him. He also wrote that he wants to know why his dad never sees or contacts him.

Yes, that does hurt me... It hurts to know that I can't protect my son from that kind of pain. Pain which NO one should go through, especially a child who is trying to find their own place in the world.

And yet the pattern keeps repeating. My heart breaks not only for my son, but for all the kids left in the path of this mans destruction... and it hurts to know that there is nothing I can to to prevent the pattern from repeating with this particular person.

However, I can only hope that I can prevent it with in my own child. I hope that if and when my son decides to have children that he steps up and doesn't to do him like his father did, and his fathers father did.

These poor children, my heart breaks for all of you...

Tom Cruise and Lawnmowers

2008-07-06T12:36:00.002-04:00

Monday my brother came in from LA. He took Joey Sky to a Yankees game on Tuesday and got back Wednesday, then on Thursday they went to Boston. I laughed that my child has been in 3 states in 3 days. Little traveller there!

Friday, I had a big family get together at my place. I had about 20 people here. It was really nice to finally have everyone over here! I had planned a party last year, but only had 3 people showed up. And my neighbor set off fireworks, which he bought legally, but not with in the borders of this state. *wink*

I've been saying for quite a while, that my neighborhood isn't the greatest. Well I learned at the party, just how true that was. On Wednesday a man was arrested, he had been featured on America's Most Wanted the prior Saturday. The house he was staying at was about 7 houses away, give or take. I drive by his house every single morning and every single night on my way to and from work.

He was wanted for: charges of threatening, kidnapping, attempted murder, false imprisonment, criminal conspiracy and theft by extortion, in connection with the kidnapping, shooting and torture of a bar owner.

Lovely, he fled from Maryland to here in order to stay with his girlfriend. When the SWAT team found him and took him into custody, he pissed himself. I laughed when I read that. What a bad ass...

With that, I'm off to clean the house yet again. With all the company coming in and going out, it seems like it's never ending. This time it won't be so bad, it's just a matter of doing dishes, vaccuuming and putting the garbage out... Oh, and I have to do laundry. Shit, I guess it's a bigger task than I thought, but it was well worth it. I loved having the family over here.

-Metal

A better update, hopefully

2008-06-20T21:34:00.004-04:00

So I haven't been online much due to the new job. Granted I'm home a good two full hours earlier than previously, it's just that having some day light hours really rules, especially now the weathers nice.

I've been trying to catch up and check up when I can. You might see that I've been around, but not posting, or making comments as much. I'm still here.

It's just that by nature, I'm a vampire. When given time off, with in about 24 hours, my body says it's time to go to bed at 4 am and get up at 1 pm... so getting up at 5:30 am to get to work by 7am is a little hard on my body.

I've also been trying to keep busy. A few weekends ago, I painted the outside hallway. I didn't mean to really, it did need to be done, but I wasn't really planning on doing it then. After I tried to do a cool effect on it, it looked like shit, so I ended up painting over it. So a 4 hour job turned into 12.

The new job is going really well. I've already gotten compliments on it, and I talked with the SVP today and he told me that I was already ahead of where they hoped I'd be at this point. Which I took as a very big compliment seeing as how my trainer dropped the ball on me.

I did tell him that I was frustrated with the situation and I felt like there were huge holes in what I should have learned. I explained that things I felt comfortable with were gone over more than I needed, and that things I wasn't understanding were breezed over.

I explained that I wasn't sure if I should talk to him about my concerns or if I should have let it go, but he said he was glad that I did as that is one of the reasons they hired me. They told me they liked the fact that I wasn't shy and didn't seem like the person who would have reservations about any issues I encountered. When he said that I felt a great relief and he agreed that there are some gaps.

The new company is really cool. Every day at 3pm, we get free popcorn, coffee and tea are only $0.25 per cup (not that I drink it), hot cocoa is $0.50 a cup. We also have a ping pong table in the office and not only do we not get in trouble for sending emails via our co-workers unlocked computer, the SVP joins in the fun as well.

The company is a bunch of Jokers and practical gag specialists. The CEO has been known to join in the fun.

Last week our A/C went out when it was 97 outside. It was down for two days, and they didn't force us to come in, but for those of us who did, we got free water, soda and juice all day long. The company even bought everyone ice cream bars.

I'm working harder than I was before at The Hartford, but I'm not as stressed when I leave, not even close. And talking with people who have been there 4-5 years, they say the same thing.

The only downside is the working in two states taxes thing, it takes about 1/3 of my paycheck, but I should get most of it back at taxes from what I understand.

This weekend is over time, and in Mass Saturday is time and a half, no matter how many hours worked, Sunday is double time, and if I want to work a paid holiday, I get holiday pay plus double time.... So when I can I'll be working holidays!

I do have to wear my wig when there, but I don't mind. I did ask at HR if the odd colored hair would be a big deal and HR checked with the main HR who asked the CEO, and they stated they would prefer not. I told HR it wasn't a big deal to wear my wig if my other hair color would prevent me from working there. She said that she thought it was too bad because she have loved to see my hair color on a weekly basis. Oh well.

In other news, not too much on the home front. I'm working on a family get together in early July when my brother is in town. That's about it.

Kind of boring around here lately, but chaotic as well.

Just another day in the life of MetalRose. Exciting, I know...

-Metal

For Fathers Day

2008-06-15T21:02:00.002-04:00

This morning, Joey Sky woke me up telling me to call Papa Pete (my biological dad) to wish him a Happy Fathers Day. Before I was even awake all the way, he had called my dad and then handed me the phone.

It's no secret that I didn't want to talk to him, but when I was handed the phone, the signal cut out and I lost the call. I didn't call back. My sister told me that was rude, that he probally thinks I hung up on him. I told her I didn't really care.

I won't get into all the gory details, but suffice to say, my dad and I aren't on the best terms. I decided I was better in life with out him. There's a saying that you date people who are similar to your parent(s), and if anyone knows my dating history (aside from the last guy), well then I think that speaks volumes.

For a very long time, I really had tried to maintain even a good terms relationship with my dad. That was until my half sister passed away.

Not too long ago, I found out that my dad didn't want any kids after my half sister and half brother. Regardless, here we are. I had always felt secondary (at best) in his life, and knowing that I wasn't wanted on his end has only magnified those feelings. It's hard to look at a man who treats me like he has no respect for me...

Which brings me to this blog. I just talked to my sister and told her about the phone cutting off. In which she went off into a huge tirade on how I haven't forgiven him and I shouldn't play the victim. After listening to her, not being able to be heard, she told me that when I was with my father, I was just like him. I hung up the phone. I am not my father nor will I ever be. And I know she said it to piss me off.

This is the second thing she has said to me that brings me *this close* to my boiling point with her. She is more like my father in that aspect because when she says thing that she KNOWS hurts me, she puts it on me as if I deserved it.

Right now I'm pissed. And since she won't listen to me, I'm going to address her issues here. I am NOT a victim to my father. Yes, I have forgiven him for what he has said and done to me in the past... what he said still fucking hurts and always will. I cannot forget those words. My sister pointed out that last time my father saw her he nagged her about her weight. While it hurts, it's superficial. The things my father has said to me go beyond weight and anything physical. While I won't list the lifetime of things he's done I'll list the main reason why I have decided to walk away from him.

When I was in the hospital giving birth- it was horrible. Not the birth of my son, but we were both sick. From the time I gave birth to about 6 weeks later, I was unable to eat. Nothing stayed down, not even water. My father sent me a fruit basket. When I finally had the strenght to call him MONTHS later, I was belittled and berated and told if I was that sick I should have called him. Maybe it's just me, but when I was fighting not only for my life, but for the life of my child, not able to eat or move with multiple surgeries in a few days, calling him was not on the list of things I was physically or mentally able to do. ESPECIALLY after he knew that my son was air lifted to a hosptial 2 hours away. A fruit basket? The lives of two people equate a fucking fruit basket?

But I forgave him for that. As much as it hurt me to, I let him back in my life.

When my half sister became ill from her breast cancer, my dad would drive from Flordia to Tennessee to spend days, weeks and months with her. When I was in the hospital dying, he didn't try and come see me. He didn't even call me, not once. He would make treks to see my half sister over the course of two years.

When my sister passed away from breast cancer, I flew down for the funeral. At the wake, my dad was sitting in the back room with the food crying. For a moment, I felt sorry for him. He looked so tired an old. I was about to reach over and hold him when he said, "Now you kids know if you ever need me, I'll be there."

And the knife twists a little further. I handed my dad an orange and went into the other room and cried.

For all of the times in my life when I needed him, he was NEVER there. Not even for the little things. There was a time I had no pads and he was too busy talking with his girlfriend that he refused to run to the store and get some. The Friday nights where he left my sister and I at the dance studio for 3-4 hours and so much more. I forgave all that...

But this... Even now, two years later, my heart breaks thinking about it.

I never expected my father (nor anyone) to be perfect. Not ever, but I thought that there would be respect. That statement proved to me that he DIDN'T care about us... well at least not me. Where was he when I was dying? When his grandchild was dying? Playing around on the internet to find some cheap ass fruit basket to send in leu of him being there. "Gee I'm sorry that you and your new baby are struggling for your lives. Enjoy the fruit!"

Yes it hurts. It hurts to know that the one person who is supposed to love you sees you in a second class- convienience only light, who views you as a burden not a bundle of joy who should recieve love.

Perhaps my sister is right, and I haven't forgiven him fully. Regardless, I've decided that he does NOT have to be a part of my life.

When I do talk to my dad, I don't answer personal questions, nor do I let him demean me. I do stand up for myself. But why would I keep someone in my life who constantly berates me? Who constantly criticizes me for everything I do and don't do? Someone who tells their child, after they accomplished a dream, that it wasn't good enough and not logical? The man who made my brother walk home in the middle of a Minnesota winter with no jacket, drove my sister home, then locked me in my room and lied to the police about it? The man who told me he was afraid of me...

Just because he got the pleasure (but none of the pain) in my creation, he should be in my life? No. This man is toxic to me and I do not have to have that in my life.

I don't owe him shit, because he's never given me shit. And I'm not talking monetary. I only give my unconditional love when it's returned in at least some small aspect.

This man was abusive. My sister never saw half of what I saw with him. He has treated her with at least some respect, to which I was never privy too.

I am too strong and too good of a person to allow to him to have any more power over me. Instead of "dealing with it and ignoring it" because he's my father. I've cut it off at the pass. As I said, I don't owe him shit, nor does he owe me shit. I don't have the time or energy to devote to a one sided relationship that in the end will only harm me.

When I was growing up, my dad would always say, "I'm not making you feel guilty, it's you that's doing it."

I think it works the same with regrets..

While there are two things in life I do regret (both dealing with death), I won't regret cutting him out of my life. We have no relationship and I don't have to sit around while he hurls insults because "that's just the way he is." I admit I can be narcassistic, but if I know I may hurt someone, I have the tact to think before I speak... and if I accidently hurt someone, know when to admit wrong doing.

If he died tomorrow, I don't think I'd attend his funeral. It's not something I'm proud of, it's fact. I don't want his money, I don't want his love, I just don't want him in my life.

The way he is made him lose a daughter that he never really wanted in the first place. I just don't see where it's a loss for either of us.

-Metal

Still alive.

2008-06-13T21:24:00.001-04:00

Things in life were very interesting over the week. I can't get into too much detail here, but I wanted to let my reader, er, readers know that I am alive and well and still here.

I can blog about the fact that I just chopped 17 inches off my hair. Yeah. Interesting week that I'll have to get into some time later but for now I have to keep my mouth shut.

-Metal

Things I hate right now.

2008-06-08T01:37:00.003-04:00

One of my Aunt's refuses to let anyone use the word "HATE" around her, lest we have to name two things we love. Well forget that. I'm tired and crabby and feel like going on a tirade.

With out further ado, things I hate right now in no particular order:

-I hate that I'm lonely.

-I hate that I haven't been laid in MONTHS.

-I hate when people shorten my name. Whatever I introduce myself as is what I want to be called. You can holler for me all you want, but there's a reason I'm not responding, because that's NOT MY NAME!

-I hate that I can't find my TV remote and end up having odd dreams involving Roseann Bar and The Infomercial guy.

-I hate that I wake up 4 times a night because the TV is on, but I'm not coherent enough to be able to turn it off.

-I hate that I've spent the entire fucking day painting.

-I hate that I tried to do a cool paint effect on the wall and it failed.

-I hate that I had to repaint in order to be able to live with it.

-I hate that my house is a fucking pigsty and that I didn't get to it because the 4 hour painting job turned into 12 fucking hours.

-I hate that I made my child cry after I went on a huge diatribe after I asked him to help with the laundry.

-I hate that my child thinks that "Mom's are supposed to do everything."

-I hate that my finger nails are covered in 8 layers of latex paint.

-I hate when people call me when I'm in the middle of doing something... but yet have nothing to say, literally. The phone is for talking. You called me SAY SOMETHING!

- I hate when people use FOOD STAMPS to buy milk for their cat.

- I hate when two motorcycles take up 3 parking spaces right in front of the store.

-I hate when old women throw a fit over $0.89 holding up the line.

-I hate that the person in line BEHIND me went in front of me and took for fucking ever.... when all I needed was that bag that's sitting behind the counter because the ass hat clerk didn't hand it to me when I left.

- I hate those bikini girls who gave me the evil eye for not going to their car wash when I was in their parking lot twice in one day. I'm not giving you $5 to wash my car when I can do it myself and have no idea what you're raising money for. Besides for that price, I better see nipple.

- I hate that I've bought 4 lighters in 3 days, and lost all of them.

- I hate that one of the lighters in the two pack didn't work from the moment I opened it.

- I hate that I haven't quit smoking yet.

-I hate that I lost my sunglasses.

-I hate that I have the heeby-jeebies after finding a just hatched spider egg sack on my clothes line.

-I hate that this moth is flying around my head and bothering me.

- I hate that all I've injested today was 2 Dr. Peppers, a bag of chips and 2 devil cakes (frozen)

-I hate that I smell like 3 day old ass from sweating my ass off.

-I hate hating so much right now.

Guess it's time to shower and hit the sack... If only I could find my TV remote. Argh.

-Metal

Just call me "Firestarter"

2008-06-06T20:15:00.001-04:00

So those following along with my blogs over the last month or so know that I've had a series of fires around me over the course of about 5 weeks.

On April 25th-ish, there were the two house fires. A couple of weeks later, there was the fire in the kitchen at work.

Today at work, I was doing some computer training via the phone with someone in Spokane when my computer just died. I then noticed that half the lights in the office were out, and then heard a whole bunch of beeping. I told the woman on the other end of the phone that the computer went out. She then asked if the lights were out and it took me a few minutes to convince her that my computer was really out... Only about half our office was running. And it was all on battery power.

Break time. So I went outside with some coworkers as others around the office ran around. A few minutes later- the sirens and then, the fire department.

I couldn't contain my laughter- although I did tell my co-workers that was the last time I hit the "big red button"... that I swore it was going to say, "That was easy."

I'm not 100% clear as to why they came, but I think it had something to do with our server room "overheating". Although it really wasn't.

So folks, if you're counting that's 3 fire issues in 5 weeks (4 if you count the two houses individually).

In other news, work is going well and I really like the new job. The drive in the morning isn't bad as I don't hit traffic and don't have to fight my way through Hartford... which has the worst road system ever.

I do hit a little bit of traffic, but it's literally right around the corner from my office and doesn't set me back. It's only about 15 cars or so. No big deal.

Traffice on the way home is *slightly* worse as I have to deal with all the school buses, but I'm home a good 2 hours earlier than with my prior job. And the day flies by.

I leave work at 3:30, I take two breaks in the morning and eat lunch at 12:30 by the time I get done, I only have two and a half hours left before I leave.

Still in training there, but am supposed to go "live" next week. I'm looking forward to it as I generally learn better when I'm thrown into it. But we'll see how it goes next week.

-Metal

What do I know, I only work here.

2008-06-04T19:47:00.001-04:00

Aside from the passing of my friend Earl, I have gotten a few text messages as well as a few other emails in regards to others passing. I do want to take a moment to send my love to all those who have lost over the last two weeks.

With that, on to the news.

I started my new job on Monday. I'm still not really clear on what I'm doing aside from taking calls about Business Loans for farmers, although it's more trouble shooting questions as far as I've seen. (I'm still scratching my head on that one. A city-rock-and-roll-to-the-core gal working for farmers? Yeah, no idea how that worked.)

The new job is really laid back, I can wear jeans and sneakers when ever I want. So perhaps tomorrow I'll wear a pair of jeans... or maybe not. We get donuts on Tuesdays and popcorn every day at 3 pm. I'm out of work and home by about 4:15-30ish. Which is super cool.

Anyway, not much to say other than I'm heading to bed. Getting up at the time I'm used to falling asleep is going to KILL me. Ick.

-Metal

A heart felt Thank You.

2008-05-30T23:42:00.001-04:00

So I have to excuse myself from yesterday's diatribe. I was pissed I was accused of sinister plans when in all reality, I was only doing what I could to honor a friend.

Tonight was the funeral and my mom went in my place which meant the world to me. I talked to her before she left and she assured me she'd talk to Nancy and Aaron and do her best to touch base with a few others.

My mom told me she was pinning my picture on her shirt so that people knew I was there (and that she was representing me.) She called me after she left.

She said that Felicia was the first to find her and came over to her and gave her quite a few hugs and told her she was glad she made it in my place. My mom raved about how wonderful Felicia was.

She said she was also able to find Jendeen and again raved about how wonderful Jendeen was. She said they chatted for a while and Jendeen asked if she could hug my mother, which I found very touching.

My mom also talked with my other favorite people, Rhuby and Hater.

When my mom went to talk to Earl's wife and son, she said that his widow was very gracious and very honored that she went in my place. My mom mentioned that Aaron was so taken that he gave her not one but two massive bear hugs.

She then asked Nancy if she would allow my mom to put our pictures by Earl's Memory display and Nancy said she would be honored.

Not one person was upset that my mom went in my place, in fact, she said that every single person was grateful that she was there for me- many were touched.

There was one person there, that's no secret that we do not like each other at all. My mom ended up sitting in front of him for the service. She said he put her hand on her shoulder and she in turn placed hers on top.

For what ever differences we've had in the past he too understood that *we* were there for Earl, not for each other. The fact is had I been there, I would have done the same thing. Being there was not about he nor *I*, and in times of need such as this, we've always been able to set aside our differences for the time being. It's too bad that others aren't able to do the same.

But I digress, this post isn't about me, it's about the wonderful friends who understood the circumstances and reached out to my mother in my absence. I'm always amazed at my true friends who are beyond anything I could have hoped for... who in a bad situation were still willing to go the extra mile to not only help me, but to help show support for Earl.

And that, my friends is how Earl lived his life... no matter the cirumstances, help another. Not only am I blessed to have such great people in my life, the reason Earl was who he was is because he surrounded himself with people of a true spirit. People like Felicia, Hater, Rhuby, Jendeen and you.

So to all my friends, a sincere thank you.

-MetalRose

Cut the fucking drama already. (Long rant ahead)

2008-05-30T01:57:00.004-04:00

It's been a long time since I've been this pissed.

As anyone on my friends list knows, my friend Earl passed away last Friday. Since then I have been trying to find tickets to get out to Minnesota to be at the funeral.

When I found out he passed I called my mom and asked her to keep an eye on the obits for me. We talked a little bit and she told me not to worry about coming home as she'd go to the funeral/wake for me.

I thanked her and told her that IF there was no way for me to get home, I'd take her up on it.. but I was going to look at flights until all my options were exhausted.

I've tried everything from looking at the airline websites to looking at 3rd party websites. I've looked at airports from Boston to NYC and in between, starting on Saturday of last week.

The average price for tickets I've found is about $1447 PER person. Since I'd have to bring Joey Sky with me, I'd be looking at close to $3000 which I cannot afford. The cheapest I found was $978 per person.

Wednesday night I sent a message to a couple of people and told them even though I was still trying it looked like 99% of my options were not do-able. I posted a message on a message board where I know a lot of the people there will be in attendance.

I noted that I wasn't able to make it home and that my mom would be going in my place and if anyone saw her to help direct her to the right people.

Of course I didn't get the "Sure I'll help" I got a piss ant nit-picky reply from someone who I thought was once a friend. This person called me a liar and said I was full of shit. That I was able to find a cheaper rate if I "tried harder" and looked at other options.

Needless to say, that fucking pissed me off. I thought that people were mature enought to put differences aside for a day or two. Regardless if this person wanted to help at all, it doesn't matter to me. By replying the way they did it shows what a total jack ass they are.

I asked a favor and kept it short and sweet as I don't think the world needed to know the reasons I wasn't able to make it out. I felt the more I wrote about why I was unable to make it out, the more they would sound like petty excuses.

I posted a message thanking this person for finding a good rate for me and asked to NOT turn that thread into a pissing match. The next message was from him again stating that it was do-able if I "tried harder".

Really? I'm being called out again? On what fucking account? I sent this person a private message explaining what I'd been doing over the last week and why going to NYC to fly out wasn't an option. Not that I had to do it, but I thought that perhaps he could understand where I was coming from and what I had been doing over the last week.

Then a couple of replies helping to direct me to cheaper rates.

Of course, I got another "call out message". Great. On what account this time? I was asked what my "motivation" for sending my mom out was when I had friends who could pass on the message. Why would I put her in an ackward situation? And why would I post a thread about my mom going instead of me?

Motiviation? Motivation? Moto-fucking-vation? Are you kidding me? There is no motivation behind my mom going to the funeral. Yes it'll be an ackward situation for her, but all fucking funerals are ackward. She offered to go if I couldn't be there. I didn't ask her, and I didn't ask my "peeps" because it's not their job to relay my condolences as an after thought. I can't be there, my mom is the next best thing.

I posted the thread so that my mom can get in contact with the right people- the ones I asked her to see so that they could be sent extra love from me. I have already sent my love in other ways to those people, but if my mom is insisting on going to the funeral in my place, those are the people I would seek out and give an extra hug to.

Is is wrong that my mom offered to go as an "agent'' for me?

My reply back to him was that he was being an ass and calling me out at every chance and that the bottom line was that I wasn't able to make it so my mom was representing me for the night. Plain and simple. Then I said I thought he was mature enough to put or differences aside for one evening to honor Earl.

Of course not, he thought I was full of shit and said it was his duty to call anyone out when he felt like it was necessary, being honest is being true, but to not worry, I "won" because he still didn't know my motive even after cheaper options were proven.

Seriously? THERE IS NO FUCKING MOTIVE.

I cannot make it out, my mom is going in my place. Would he throw this much of a piss fit if I was the one going? Most likely not.

I have literally exhausted all my options. In fact, I called Ryan earlier to see if I was able to get the flight he offered in another blog post. After talking with him for a good 30 minutes, that wasn't going to work either. Yes the price was right (and Tiffany offered to help with the air fare, bless her heart) but flying stand by wasn't an option.

So my message is crystal fucking clear to anyone else who wants to question my "motivation" for my mom going instead of me- here's the breakdown as to why there is no possible way I can make it out for Earl's funeral.

1. Tickets from Hartford, CT to Minneapolis are $1447 per person (x2= $2894 pre-tax & Charges)

2. Tickets from Boston, MA to Minneapolis are $766.50 per person (x2 = $1533 pre-tax & Charges)

3. Tickets from NYC to Minneapolis are $978 per person (x2 =$1956 pre-tax & Charges)

4. Tickets from White Plains, NY to Minneapolis are $268 per person (x2 = $536 pre-tax & Charges)

5. Flying stand by on a friends companion fare = $160 per person (x2 =$320 pre-tax & Charges)

Now the last two options are the best cost wise. HOWEVER they aren't do-able.

Getting to NYC with a child in tow at last minute is beyond stressful. Hell flying out of NYC alone is stress full. I've never flown out of White Plains NOR NYC as a starting point. Having never been to those airports ever, and then trying to either drive to them or use the trains isn't an option with a child.

Add at least 3 hours for travel time (on either end here) and the two hours that you are supposed to get there before the flight departs, and I've got a total of an addtional 8 hours- or 4 round trip flights back to Minnesota.

Getting to the airport is stressful enough, then adding not knowing where they are or how to get there AND having to account for someone else- is it hard to see why those aren't an option?

For the friend fare- I talked to Ryan and it is stand by. Although there are seats left on all the flights, there are 3 that go out. One at 8 am, one at 1pm and another at 6pm- ish.

After some of my co-workers requested the day off, my supervisor asked me if I was still planning on attending the funeral so he could tell them either way. Not knowing about the companion fare, I told him I was not going to make it to Minnesota.

Now I have to work tomorrow. Yes, I could say screw it and not go in, but that would not be a wise idea. Since tomorrow is my offical last day, and I told my super I wasn't going to need it off, we didn't fill out my final paperwork. If I don't go in and fill that out tomorrow, I won't get my last paycheck. I think any fucking person in this world would want their paycheck.

In order to get to the airport for the 1pm flight, I'd have to leave my office by 10 am- which would not give me enough time to fill out the final paper work and close up shop.

The 6pm flight wouldn't work either. The flight runs about 2 hours, Ryan checked the arrival time which was at 7:19. Barring any unforseen delays, by the time we got out of the airport and to the funeral, it would be over. Since that was the only reason I'd be going to Minnesota, that doesn't make a lot of sense now does it?

I really don't know what more this asshole wants from me. I have searched, contemplated, reviewed, analyzed and realistically looked at every possible senario for being able to attend Earl's funeral and I am not able to make any of them work.

Hell if it was slightly uncomfortable or a minor inconvenience, I'd be there in a heart beat. But it's boiled down to money (cost and paycheck) and the saftey/sanity of myself and my child- which I cannot possibly put on the line to please someone who thinks I'm lying.

So the motiviation for my mom going to the funeral? To represent me. Nothing more nothing less.

I'm sorry this person has his head so far up his ass he can't see beyond his own reality to understand that some things aren't cut and dry. And it really pisses me off that he feels he "needs to call out BS" in order to try and make me look small.

What's his motivation for "calling me out" what the fuck is he trying to prove? That I'm some how lying? What kind of pompus asshole decides to berate someone on a public message board AFTER I sent them a private message explaining why I was unable to make it out. Double douche bag points for then declaring it thier natural born right to call me out in front of everyone- when it's been proven he's the one being an ass.

Is there an option that is realistically (not just logically) feasible that I missed?

Why are his panties in such a bunch that my mom is going to the funeral in my place?

At this point, I'm kind of glad I won't be able to go. It makes me sick to my stomach that one person can't smell the shit under his own nose, but instead points to everyone else. It makes me furious to know that if I were there, my last memory of Earl would be tainted with this pompus asshole's self righteous accusations for something that was offered and accepted with only the best intentions.

This self entitled douche waffle better suck it up and deal with it because I'm not backing down for him or anyone else. My mom WILL be at the funeral in my place and she WILL make sure that my spirit is there through her. And if he wants to think that there's some other reason for her being there, well then I'll make sure she brings a tin foil hat just for him.

-MetalRose

My heart still breaks.

2008-05-27T22:12:00.001-04:00

After spending so much time reading others thoughts on Earl, I still can't help but feel my heart break.

I'll be the first to admit that there were many others who were closer to him than I was, but when you befriend a legend who doesn't act like one, how do you know how to let it go? How do you let go of not only someone you admired and looked up to, but someone you called a friend?

It's finally hitting me today that he really is gone. I've been looking at getting flights out to Minnesota for the wake/ funeral, but again, my fiances won't allow it and I'm damn near in tears. The one last chance I have to say goodbye and I can't. I know that next time I'm in Minnesota, I'll have to stop by a few of his old haunting grounds to pay my respects to him.

It's amazing that one person touched the lives of so many people. Every single word I read about him has been nothing but positive words, "Legend. Hero, Metal God, Brother, Friend, Inspiration, Mentor" but the one that I've read in almost every single message is "I love you." I tried to keep track, but lost count. He never acted as if he was better than anyone, it was his humility that kept his so human.

Everyone knows Earl's in the after life raising some hell.

It's going to be really hard for me to see anyone associated with Earl and when I go back to Minnesota, the tears will start all over again. I only cry because I miss him, even in his sickness he still stayed in touch with me when he could... and I did my best to send him text messages telling him I loved him and missed him.

It's hard to lose someone who touched every single person he came in contact with. I knew Earl was a great person, but the more I read, the more I realize just how truly amazing he was. Almost every show I went to, he was there with a huge smile and a hug. When ever he was out, he always had a brave front and never showed how much pain he was in.

That's the only solace I have is knowing that he's not in pain anymore, and I cry because I'll miss him I know we all will.

If everyone even tried to be 1/100th the man that Earl was, this life would be so much easier. Even that is large shoes to fill.

Dammit, why did he have to go? The world shouldn't have to suffer the loss of such an incredible person...

We miss you Earl, I miss you. Be safe and rest if you have to. We promise we won't forget you, there's no way anyone could. Ever.

-MetalRose

I love you Earl. (A final goodbye)

2008-05-24T13:46:00.003-04:00

Sometimes when your phone rings, you know it's not going to be good news.

Even though I left Minnesota, I still got text messages from friends and kept in contact with them.

I just got a call a few minutes ago, as soon as I saw the name, I knew exactly how the conversation was going to go before I even picked up the phone.

Earl Root (Aesma Daeva, Root of All Evil Radio show, Root Cellar Records) passed away last night. He was my brother and mentor in metal.

Even though he was struggling, he was a fighter and it was hard to hear the news. Even in his final days, I saw pictures of him smiling and laughing and surrounded by friends.

What do you say about a man who's heart is pure gold?

His band played in NYC not too long ago (even though his Dr's told him not to tour.) I didn't have enough gas or cash to make it down to New Haven to take the train... He offered to lend me some money so I could make it down to see him. And it breaks my heart that I literally couldn't afford to say goodbye.

He came to my going away party and said to me, "You'll be missed. You were a huge influence in this scene. I wish you didn't have to go... maybe we should kidnap you." Those words made me cry. I've always looked up to Earl, always admired him. He was strong and determined and truly loved by all.

Earl always had a smile and a hug for everyone. Every time I saw Earl, he was truly happy to see me too. I've never heard a bad word about him from anyone, nor have I ever heard Earl speak badly about any one else. When ever I went out to shows, Earl was always there. He was a true kind spirit.

He passed around 11:30 central time. Oddly enough, last night in my sleep I had a huge coughing fit and when I awoke, my mouth was filled with vomit. I looked at the clock and it read 12:29 (11:29 central time). I have no doubt that others will have similar stories. And no doubt that he'll be back to visit us. He'll be felt at shows and concerts and where ever a large group of his friends are gathered.

From what I was told he was surrounded by friends and family last night and held on until they left to pass. Perhaps it was his final test of strenght.

Earl- I've always loved and admired you. Not just for what you've done musically, but also personally. You were an amazing person and one day I can be lucky enough to follow in your lead to becoming a truly phenomenal person.

I bet a million dollars he's walking around the after life looking for Randy Rhoads, Dimebag and Criss Oliva trying to start a band.

Have a safe journey, visit often, but if you decide to stay and rest a while, watch over us and know that you will never be forgotten. I love you.

I only wish I would have had the chance to say goodbye...

A tribute to Earl.

Finally Legal

2008-05-23T00:34:00.001-04:00

Since I've started working, I've never taken more than a day or two off here and there. Never a full week, ever. Since I had a few days left as vacation time, I took yesterday, today and tomorrow off. Which isn't a lot of time, but then there's the weekend and Monday is a paid holiday off. So I don't go back to work until Tuesday. Although I've had a ton of stuff to do.

Yesterday I wasn't feeling well and ended up spending most of the time here making a few phone calls and doing some sewing. (I bought this really kick ass book- 108 things to do with a tee-shirt. So I've been making gauntlets, cuffs and fixing some old shirts I had!) Today, I walked Joey Sky down to the bus stop, then my body told me to go back to sleep. Who am I to argue?

I got up around 11, showered, then went to get my emissions tested on my car. They told me I didn't need an appointment, so I went in and they were booked for about a half hour. So I went to CVS where I witnessed the back end of some scammer *almost* getting away with $40 in merchandise.

Suprisingly, my car passed emissions! So with my title, insurance and the emissions test, I made my way to the DMV. I know that the DMV is a pain and usually has long lines, but dammit. I got there and I got number 115. When I looked at the sign, they were on 74. *sigh*

For some reason 76 took for fucking ever. That number alone was displayed on the screen for a good 30 minutes. By the time 77 rolled around, I had already been there an hour and a half. Luckily, after that, it went much faster. For my 10 minute transaction I was there for 4 hours. The thing that pissed me off to is that nowhere does it say that the DMV only takes cash or check so when I handed the woman my credit card she told me to get cash. Luckily, I was smart enough to grab my check book.

Anyway, it feels good to have CT plates on my car. My registration expired in April 2007 and I've been freaking out every time a police officer is behind me. I knew I was the luckiest person alive (I guess out of state expired registration is about a $600 ticket!), but it was always something holding me back: no insurance, no money, no time, or a combination of all of the above.

Let me just say what a HUGE weight off my shoulders that is. It was great going in there everything they asked for I had.

Title? BAM!

CT drivers license? CHECK

CT Insurance? BINGO

Emissions test? PASS

Atm machine over there... CHECK BOOK ACTIVATE!

Especially now that I have a new job, what a HUGE relief that I don't have to deal with that anymore. Although I think I need a new battery in my car. *Sigh* Oh well.

Tomorrow- have to deal with morning daycare.... but if I don't get it squared away, my awesome 2nd floor neighbors have agreed to help out for a short period of time. I don't want to wait too long, but if I don't have it perfectly in place tomorrow, I won't stress.

With that, goodnight.

-MetalRose

Thoughts and feelings.

2008-05-18T16:18:00.001-04:00

The weekend started with a bang. Friday at work there was a fire. Not just a drill an actual fire.
Shortly before, my super sent a message to my department stating that I was leaving the company to become a Roadie for New Kids on the Block. (Who are indeed making a comeback. I saw a part of it on TV when I was getting ready for work. Two words: Tone deaf. Alright two more: Train Wreck)

Then a co-worker had an emergency and since she wasn't able to drive, I took her to where she needed to go. Since I was half way home and traffic was a nightmare, my super told me to just call it a day. Sweet.

Friday night, my mom came into town for my aunt's birthday yesterday. It was nice to have a clean place... but it's back to being a total disaster. I went to the Craft store yesterday to find a project for Joey Sky and I to do. Then I got inspired and spent $150! Ooops. Then of course, I stayed up until about 6 am working on my crafts.

I woke up this morning with Joey Sky cooking cinnamon rolls. Yummy! I had left a note for him to wake me up before he did it... but man let me just say that waking up to that smell was amazing! And he did a great job at it, so he didn't get in trouble.

In other news, next week I have most of the week off so I can get a few things done before I start my new job. I'm really looking forward to this and the HR director sent me a "Welcome Aboard" card with a hand written note inside.

I've got a lot of thoughts swimming in my head right now, and thought about blogging about them today, but I think I'll hold off until a little later this week... when I know that what I'm thinking has a clear path. Or at least one that is coherent when written.

-Metal.

Giving Notice.

2008-05-13T18:52:00.003-04:00

Monday at work I turned in my notice. I decided to finish at the end of the month. That way I can get paid for memorial day instead of taking the day off. Besides for as crappy as the company has been to me, my supervisor has been cool as hell... and he'd be down to many people that week. And paywise it just makes sense.

He did seem a little suprised when I handed my notice and I've been slowly telling people at work. It's kind of sad when everyone I've told has said, "You're better off." or something that effect.

Today I had to take the annual survey. The questions in it were as such:

After each question was a section you could check : Strongly Disagree, Disagree, No Opinion, Agree, Strongly agree.

I understand the goals of my department:

The Company is doing enough to keep talented employees:

There is a good work/ home life balance:

Yeah, can you tell what I put for the last ones?

Now I should be careful, as I don't want to bad mouth my (soon to be) former employeer and burn bridges, but right now I'm frustrated. And from the sound of things, everyone that I've told feels the same way.

Regardless, I'm excited. My desk is cleared off and my filing cabinet is bare. The only thing left is my iPod speakers, a pen, a pad of paper and my pictures... just so it doesn't look totally bare.

I'm looking forward to a new chapter in life.

The sad thing is: The guy I was dating over the winter works not too far from where I will be working. I kind of miss his company and talking with him... but not so much that I can't function. I guess what I'm saying is if he happened into my life again, I wouldn't be opposed. But I'm not going to go out seeking him either. A gal friend of mine thinks I should call him and tell him I'll be in the area... And according to him that's the only reason we broke up - because we are so far.

But I don't know if I want to call him. I didn't apply for this job because it was close to him, I applied because it was something I wanted to do. And in all honesty, I never even thought I'd get a call as I don't have much experience working in this new industry. (Yes, I'm leaving insurance!)

It was also made clear that I am not going anywhere with my current employeer- for reasons I'll get into later perhaps.

I figure if it was meant to be, I'll run into him again. And if I don't see him, I won't be devistated.

I guess I'm thinking how ironic life is sometimes.

Thank you, life, I understand you too have a sense of humor.

-MetalRose